ADVICE
      TO
      MEN
      FROM
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      TY
      WHO
      AR
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      C
      hee
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Lisa
      Robinson
      and
      Christine
      Parker
      attempt
      to
      clue
      us
      in
     
    
   
   
    
     
      e
      are
      two
      women
      who
      are
      fed
      up
     
    

    
     
      with
      the
      way
      men
      treat
      women.
     
    

    
     
      For
      instance,
      the
      pick-up
      line:
      the
     
    

    
     
      only
      women
      who
      would
      fall
      for
      so
     
    

    
     
      obvious
      a
      ploy
      are
      either
      extremely
     
    

    
     
      stupid
      or
      desperate
      (for
      example:
      a
     
     
      woinan
      who
      has
      been
      deprived
      of
      sexual
      activi-
     
     
      ties
      for
      a
      prolonged
      period
      of
      time,
      or
      a
      nym-
     
     
      phomaniac).
      So
      we
      have
      devised
      general
      hints
     
     
      for
      men.
     
    

    
     
      Point
      To
      Ponder
      #1:
      Never
      bring
      up
      the
      topic
     
     
      of
      sex,
      or
      most
      things
      related
      to
      sex
      within
      the
     
     
      first
      five
      minutes
      of
      conversation
      as
      this
      is
      a
      real
     
     
      turn-off.
      ie.
      You
      just
      met
      her
      and
      the
      first
      words
     
     
      out
      of
      your
      mouth
      are
      along
      the
      lines
      of
      “Hey
     
     
      Baby!
      Let’s
      go...”.
      This
      come-on
      does
      not
      work.
     
    

    
     
      Point
      To
      Ponder
      #2:
      Do
      not
      mention
      ex-
     
     
      girlfriend
      in
      any
      manner
      whatsoever,
      not
      evena
     
     
      “Oh
      no!
      She’s
      here.”
      If
      you
      should
      forget
      this
     
     
      point,
      remember
      not
      to
      refer
      to
      the
      ex
      as
      a
     
     
      “bitch”,
      “slut”
      or
      “whore”
      as
      this
      demeaning
      use
     
     
      of
      words
      demonstrates
      that
      you
      have
      little
      or
     
     
      no
      respect
      for
      women.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      **
      If
      you
      should
      mention
      the
      “ex”,
      this
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      shows
      the
      woman,
      who
      could
      be
      a
      potential
     
     
      girlfriend,
      that
      you
      have
      been
      thinking
      about
      the
     
     
      “other
      woman”
      and
      that
      you
      are
      not
      over
      her
     
     
      yet.
      If
      she
      dumped
      you,
      get
      over
      her,
      she
     
     
      obviously
      is
      over
      you.
      However,
      if
      you
      dumped
     
     
      her
      and
      are
      feeling
      remorse,
      get
      over
      it.
      YOU
     
     
      dumped
      her!!
     
    

    
     
      Point
      To
      Ponder
      #3:
      If
      you
      ask
      a
      woman
      out
     
     
      ona
      date,
      pick
      her
      up
      with
      a
      vehicle.
      If
      you
      do
     
     
      not
      have
      means
      of
      transportation,
      arrange
      a
     
     
      suitable
      location
      tomeet.
      Do
      NOT
      assume
      that
     
     
      she
      will
      delight
      in
      picking
      you
      up
      as
      this
      conduct
     
     
      demonstrates
      that
      you
      have
      little
      or
      no
      respect
     
     
      for
      her.
     
    

    
     
      Point
      To
      Ponder
      #4:
      If
      you
      do
      ask
      her
      out,
     
     
      don’t
      leave
      the
      time
      open.
      ie.
      “Would
      you
      like
     
     
      to
      go
      out
      SOMETIME?”
      If
      you
      really
      want
      to
      go
     
     
      out
      with
      her,
      say
      specifically
      when.
     
    

    
     
      Point
      To
      Ponder
      #5:
      If
      you
      ask
      her
      out
      and
      she
     
     
      says
      she
      can’t
      that
      day,
      but
      suggests
      an
      alternate
     
     
      night/time,
      that
      means
      she
      likes
      you
      and
      really
     
     
      does
      want
      to
      go
      out
      with
      you.
     
    

    
     
      Point
      To
      Ponder
      #6:
      If
      you
      asked
      her
      out
      but
     
     
      she
      hesitated
      to
      answer,
      and/or
      gave
      a
      flimsy
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      excuse,
      then
      she
      probably
      likes
      you
      as
      a
      friend
     
     
      but
      not
      as
      a
      potential
      mate.
     
    

    
     
      Point
      To
      Ponder
      #7:
      About
      the
      date
      itself,
      don’t
     
     
      leave
      the
      activity
      open.
      Tell
      her
      or
      suggest
      a
     
     
      place
      to
      go,
      or
      things
      to
      do.
      Make
      sure
      it
      is
     
     
      public.
      The
      woman
      does
      not
      know
      you
      very
     
     
      well,
      and
      therefore
      will
      not
      trust
      you.
      Telling
      her
     
     
      where
      or
      what
      the
      activity
      is
      will
      give
      her
      an
      idea
     
     
      as
      to
      suitable
      attire.
     
    

    
     
      Point
      To
      Ponder
      #8:
      When
      on
      the
      date,
      act
     
     
      like
      you
      are
      mature.
      Do
      not
      make
      noises
      with
     
     
      your
      body
      parts.
      ie.
      burps,
      farts.
      Do
      not
      criticise
     
     
      the
      food
      or
      the
      service,
      should
      you
      be
      eating
     
     
      out.
      She
      will
      think
      you
      an
      arrogant,
      rich
      boy
     
     
      trying
      to
      show
      off.
      Try
      to
      take
      her
      to
      a
      good
     
     
      restaurant
      unless
      she
      suggests
      otherwise.
      ie.
     
     
      NOT
      McDonald’s:
      she
      can
      go
      there
      anytime.
     
     
      Since
      it
      was
      you
      who
      asked
      HER
      out,
      YOU
      pick
     
     
      up
      the
      tab,
      unless
      she
      insists
      otherwise.
      Finally,
     
     
      treat
      her
      for
      the
      lady
      that
      she
      is
      and
      she
      might
     
     
      actually
      consider
      going
      out
      with
      you
      again.
     
    

    
     
      *
      Note
      that
      all
      women
      are
      ladies
      and
      want
      to
     
     
      be
      treated
      as
      such,
      whether
      you
      treat
      them
      that
     
     
      way
      or
      not.
      Likewise,
      you
      are
      considered
      a
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      WAL
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      BEFORE
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      16/X-Press/October
      7,
      1993
     
    
   
   
    
     
      HEY,
      BABE
      —
      WANNA
      LL
     
     
      k
      MY
      BEARPED,
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ONE-EYEP
      LOVE
      DOG
      2
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      AFTER
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      AND
      SO
      WHEN
      THE
     
     
      QUESTION
     
     
      KNOWS
      HOW
      TO
      PLEASE
     
     
      A
      WOMAN,
      I
      CAN
      SAY
      WITHOUT
      BOAST
     
     
      OR
      BRAVAPO,
      “T
      AM
      THAT
      MAN.”
      IVE
     
     
      DELIVERED
      THE
      SMALL,
     
     
      KISSES,
      I'VE
      ADMINISTERED
      THE
     
     
      SOFT
      CARESSES,
      AND
      FROM
      HILLS
      TO
     
     
      HOLLOWS,
      IN_
      CITI
     
    

    
     
      ON
      THE
      LONELIEST
      STREETS
      OF
     
     
      AMERICA,
      I
      HAVE
      WHISPERED
      THE
     
     
      TENPER
      ENPEARMENTS
      FOR
      WHICH
     
     
      WOMEN
      SO
      DESPERATELY
      YEARN
      -
     
    
   
   
    
     
      IS,
      WHO
     
    
   
   
    
     
      BREATHY
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ES
      AND
      SUBURBS
      ANP