The
      mother
      lay
      with
      her
     
    
   
   
    
     
      in
      the
      dark
      corner
      of
      the
      hard-floored
      dusty
      barn.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      |
      walked
      over
      to
      the
      corner,
     
    

    
     
      my
      mother
      behind
      me
     
    

    
     
      with
      an
      approving
      smile
     
    

    
     
      watching
      her
      eight
      year
      old
      son
     
    

    
     
      select
      his
      first
      cat.
     
    

    
     
      Behind
      her
      walked
      the
      farmer,
     
    

    
     
      sweat
      stains
      all
      on
      his
      tattered
      shirt.
     
     
      The
      farmer
      and
      my
      mother
      talked
      as
      I
     
     
      met
      the
      kittens,
      trying
      to
      decide
      ©
     
     
      which
      one
      I'd
      take
      home.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      One
      kitten
      came
      up
      to
      me
      and
     
     
      swatted
      a
      shoelace
      hanging
      loose.
     
     
      Another
      rolled
      on
      its
      back
      as
      it
      dug
     
     
      its
      tiny
      black
      claws
      into
      a
      some
      straw.
     
     
      But
      a
      third
      kitten
      caught
      my
      attention
     
     
      sleeping
      close
      to
      it's
      mother.
     
    

    
     
      So
      still
      and
      calm.
     
    

    
     
      I
      placed
      my
      hand
      around
     
    

    
     
      the
      soft
      furry
      animal,
      the
      one
     
    

    
     
      I'd
      take
      home,
      and
      love.
     
    

    
     
      Which
      I
      loved
      already.
     
    

    
     
      |
      turned
      around
      and
      said,
     
    

    
     
      "Look
      mom,
      he's
      still
      sleeping."
     
    

    
     
      My
      mother's
      approving
      smile
      disappeared
     
     
      as
      the
      farmer
      said,
     
    

    
     
      "He's
      not
      sleeping.
      He's
      dead."
     
    
   
   
    
     
         
     
    
   
   
    
     
      e
      kitten
      was
      anything
      but
      peaceful
     
     
      thud
      -,9
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      "Bah
      humbug"
     
    
   
   
    
     
      I
      stand
      in
      the
      shower,
      and
      cry.
     
    

    
     
      The
      warm
      water
      drenching
      my
      body
      hides
      the
      cold
      tears.
     
    

    
     
      |
      just
      finished
      puking.
      Puking
      toast.
     
    

    
     
      Not
      even
      something
      good,
      like
      a
      McHappy
      meal
      with
      calorific
      Coke.
      No
     
     
      pizza.
      Fucking
      toast.
     
    

    
     
      And
      I
      cry
      because
      of
      that,
      and
      because
      I
      saw
      you
      with
      her
      today.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      It
      was
      at
      the
      mall.
      I
      was
      doing
      some
      Christmas
      shopping.
      Saw
      so
      many
     
    
   
   
    
     
      things
      you
      would
      just
      love.
      Ha.
      You'll
      have
      to
      get
      her
      to
      get
      them
      for
     
    
   
   
    
     
      you.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      You
      two
      looked
      so
      cute,
      a
      couple
      Hallmark
      would
      use
      to
      market
      some
      of
     
     
      their
      crappy
      romantic
      birthday
      cards.
      I
      walked
      behind
      you
      far
      enough
      not
     
     
      to
      be
      seen,
      but
      close
      enough
      to
      hurt.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Why
      we
      broke
      up..
      I'm
      still
      searching
      for
      that
      answer.
      We
      had
      our
      share
     
     
      of
      differences,
      but
      isn't
      that
      what
      compels
      people
      together?
      Isn't
      some
     
     
      conflict
      healthy?
      You
      can't
      prance
      around
      all
      the
      time
      with
      huge,
      fake
     
     
      plastic
      smiles
      on.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      We
      got
      each
      other.
      We
      knew
      each
      other
      inside
      out..
      is
      that
      what
      drove
     
     
      you
      away?
      Were
      you
      scared
      of
      becoming
      one
      of
      those
      pathetic
      pre-
     
     
      dictable
      couples?
      I
      hardly
      think
      we
      were
      in
      threat
      of
      that.
      Or
      were
      your
     
     
      scared
      that
      you
      loved
      me
      too
      much,
      and
      I
      loved
      you
      too
      much
      in
      return?
     
     
      I
      know
      it
      wasn't
      because
      of
      a
      bland
      sex
      life.
      Hell,
      weren't
      you
      just
      over
      at
     
    
   
   
    
     
      my
      place
      last
      week
      fucking
      my
      brains
      out?
      Oh
      yeah,
      my
      period
      is
      late...
     
     
      Well,
      you
      are
      with
      her
      now.
      Keep
      smilin’,
      hun.
      Don't
      get
      too
      close
      to
     
     
      him,
      girl.
      Because
      one
      you
      do,
      you'll
      be
      the
      one
      crying
      in
      the
      shower,
     
    
   
   
    
     
      barfing
      up
      dry,
      god-damned
      toast.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Wash.
      Rinse.
      Repeat.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      UPEI
      Cadre
      November
      24
      2003
      page
      3