The
      Panther
      Prints
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Chretien's
      Trade
     
     
      Deal
      with
      France
     
    
   
   
    
     
      By
      Bawb
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ...
      Todd
      MacLean
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      On:
      Wednesday,
      January
     
     
      22nd,
      Jean
      Chretien
      signed
     
     
      some
      valuable
      trade
     
     
      ments,
      with
      France
      which
     
     
      should
      apparently
      have
      a
     
     
      substantial
      effect
      on
      Cana-
     
     
      da’s
      economic
      exchange.
     
     
      Supposively,
      well,
      uh
      actu-
     
     
      ally,
      supposively
      they
      like
     
     
      talked
      and
      all
      this
      stuff,
      about
     
     
      stuff.
      And
      all
      that.
      Hee
      hee.
     
     
      Well
      you
      know
      it’s
      the
     
     
      darndest
      thing,
      but
      this
      after-
     
     
      noon
      I
      was
      listening
      to
      this
     
     
      news
      story
      on
      my
      walkman
      as
     
     
      [
      was
      walking
      down
      the
     
     
      street,
      and
      then
      all
      of
      a
      sudden
     
     
      [
      see
      up
      ahead
      of
      me
      on
      the
     
     
      sidewalk
      this
      guy
      who
      had
      an
     
     
      extremely
      wide
      stance
      when
     
     
      he
      walked.
      Probably
      the
      most
     
    
   
   
    
     
      docu-"
     
    
   
   
    
     
      extreme
      I’ve
      ever
      witnessed.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      His
      legspan
      took
      up
      half”
      thé.
     
     
      sidewalk.
      T-mean,
      you’ve
      got.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      your
      wide-stanced
      walkers,
     
     
      but
      this
      guy
      was
      unbeliev-
     
     
      able.
      So
      I
      had
      to
      clear
      off
      the
     
     
      sidewalk
      to
      let
      him
      strut
      by,
     
     
      and
      by
      the
      time
      I
      regained
     
     
      control
      of
      myself,
      I
      had
     
     
      missed
      the
      entire
      news
      story.
     
    

    
     
      Did
      you
      ever
      like
     
     
      imagine
      that
      you
      were
      in
     
     
      some
      kung
      fu
      movie,
      and
     
     
      you’re
      like
      the
      cool
      guy
     
     
      who’s,
      like,
      kicking
      every-
     
     
      one’s
      ass?
      Like
      you’re
      doing
     
     
      all
      these
      acrobatic
      moves
      and
     
     
      stuff,
      with,
      like,
      ten
      bad
      guys
     
     
      around
      you,
      and
      all
      ye
      have
      to
     
     
      do
      is
      touch
      them
      and
      they'll
     
     
      go
      flying
      on
      their
      asses?
      Man,
     
    
   
   
    
     
      that’d
      be
      cool.
     
    

    
     
      .
      Anyway,
      getting
     
     
      back
      to
      my
      story,
      after
      the
     
     
      wide-stanced
      walker
      guy,
      I
     
     
      then
      decided
      to
      head
      into
      the
     
     
      library
      and
      read
      the
      newspa-
     
     
      per.
      So
      I
      get
      one
      of
      the
      old,
     
     
      crinkled
      up
      pieces
      of
      crap,
     
     
      and
      sit
      down
      at
      a
      table.
      I
     
     
      finally
      thought
      I
      was
      going
      to
     
     
      make
      some
      headway
      on
      that
     
     
      story,
      but
      then
      this
      idiot
     
     
      beside
      me
      starts
      like
      grunting
     
     
      and
      stuff.
      It
      sounded
      as
      if
      he
     
     
      had
      some
      sort
      of
      vocal
     
     
      problem
      at
      first.
      But
      actually
     
     
      he
      was
      just
      clearing
      his
      throat.
     
     
      Constantly,
      that
      is.
      But
      it
     
     
      wasn’t
      just
      like
      normal
      throat
     
     
      clearing,
      I
      mean,
      this
      guy
      was
     
     
      like
      really
      getting
      some
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      -but
      anyway...
     
    
   
   
    
     
      phlegm
      outta
      there.
      You’ve
     
     
      got
      your
      throat-clearers,
      but
     
     
      this
      guy
      was
      disgusting.
      It
     
     
      sounded
      as
      if
      he
      was
      having
     
     
      sex
      with
      the
      table
      or
      some-
     
     
      thing.
      So
      I’m
      like,
      “screw
     
     
      this”
      and
      left.
      The
      constant
     
     
      grunting
      made
      me
      feel
      quite
     
     
      nauseated
      actually,
      and
      the
     
     
      mystery
      meat
      that
      I
      had
      at
     
     
      some
      cafeteria
      at
      lunchtime
     
     
      wasn’t
      staying
      down
      too
      well,
     
     
      so
      thought
      I’d
      better
      get
      outta
     
     
      there
      before
      I
      had
      to
      start
     
     
      grunting
      -
      myself
      or
      some-
     
     
      thing.
      It
      is
      a_mystery
      though,
     
     
      sometimes.
      The
      meat
      that
      is.
      I
     
     
      think
      the
      Hardy
      Boys
      should
     
     
      do
      a
      case
      on
      that.
      It
      would
      be
     
     
      like
      The
      Mystery
      Meat:
      Is
      it
     
     
      Pork
      Chops,
      or
      Mrs
     
     
      Applegate?
     
    

    
     
      So
      then,
      I,
      like,
     
     
      walked
      over
      to
      the
      bank
      and
     
     
      just
      stood
      in
      the
      designated
     
     
      line-up
      area
      with
      my
      arms
     
     
      folded
      looking
      up
      at
      that
      TV
     
     
      which
      is
      constantly
      on
      that
     
     
      station
      that
      prints
      the
      news
      on
     
     
      the
      screen
      all
      the
      time.
      Pretty
     
     
      damn
      boring.
      if
      you
      ask
      me,
     
     
      They.
      should
     
     
      have
      it
      on,
      like,
      the
      24
      Hour
     
     
      Mud.
      Wrestling
      Channel
      or
     
    
   
   
    
     
      January
      28,
      1997
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      something.
      Or
      that
      fireplace
     
     
      channel.
      What’s
      up
      with
      that?
     
     
      "Yeah,
      let’s
      watch
      this
      fire
     
     
      burn
      all
      day
      long."
      It
      would
     
     
      be
      different
      if
      it
      was
      like
      an
     
     
      entire
      building
      that
      was
      on
     
     
      fire.
      That
      would
      be
      cool.
     
    

    
     
      So,
      anyway
      I
      was
      like
     
     
      the
      only
      customer
      there,
      but
     
     
      of
      course
      I
      wasn’t
      going
      to
     
     
      take
      any
      money
      out
      anyway,
     
     
      not
      that
      I
      have
      any
      in
      the
      first
     
     
      place,
      but
      still,
      all
      the
      tellers
     
     
      were
      like,
      “I
      can
      help
      you
     
     
      over
      here,
      sir.”
      “Can
      I
      help
     
     
      you
      sir?”
      “Sir,
      over
      “here.”
     
     
      When
      I
      ignored
      them,
      I
      guess
     
     
      I
      looked
      a
      little
      suspicious.
      So
     
     
      then
      they
      called
      security
      over.
     
     
      But
      he
      was
      this
      old
      guy
      who
     
     
      couldn’t
      move,
      so
      I
      just
      felt
     
     
      sorry
      for
      him
      and
      left.
      Like,
     
     
      you
      ve
      got
      your
      old
      guys
      who
     
     
      can’t
      move,
      but
      I
      mean...
      you
     
     
      know
      the
      rest.
      Oh
      yeah,
      uh,
     
     
      that
      Jean
      Chretien
      guy.
      Let’s
     
     
      see
      here,
      he
      went
      to
      France,
     
     
      did
      a
      dance,
      pulled
      down
      his
     
     
      pants,
      and
      blah
      blah
      blah.
     
     
      Does-
      anyone
      care,
      I
      didn’t
     
     
      think
      so.
      Now
      let’s
      all
      get
     
     
      some
      mysterty
      meat
      and
     
     
      watch
      24
      hour
      mud
      wrestling.
     
     
      Whoa.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
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