Dear
      Establishment,
     
    
   
   
    
     
      We
      thank
      you
      for
      your
      patient
      and~
     
    
   
   
    
     
      gentle
      critique
      of
      this
      newspaper.
     
     
      Mostly
      I
      can
      see
      your
      point.
      Perhaps
     
     
      Stephan
      and
      I,
      as
      is
      gracefully
      sug-
     
     
      gested
      in
      your
      thoughtful
      missive,
     
     
      have
      been
      spénding
      too
      much
      time
     
     
      dealing
      with
      concerts
      and
      promotions
     
     
      and
      things
      that
      do
      not,
      indeed,
      effect
     
     
      the
      root
      cause
      we
      are
      supposed
      to
      be
     
     
      engaged
      in;
      that
      is
      the
      making
      of
      this
     
     
      newspaper.
      As
      your
      salvo
      later
      sug-
     
     
      gests,
      perhaps
      we
      have
      become
      pigs
     
     
      Merely
      attending
      a
      trough
      of
      luxuries
     
     
      and
      back-room
      deals
      that,
      frankly,
      are
     
     
      Siving
      me
      cause
      to
      not
      be
      able
      to
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Somnesaniill
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dead
      Letter
      Office
     
    
   
   
    
     
      sleep.
      And
      I
      can
      see
      from
      your
      bril-
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ~
      liant,
      and
      insightful
      “man
      of
      the
      cloth”
     
    
   
   
    
     
      comment
      that
      you
      are
      commenting
      on
     
     
      the
      recent
      problems
      we
      have
      had
     
     
      inside
      these
      pages.
      Is
      it
      my
      fault?
      Am
     
    
   
   
    
     
      I
      just
      a
      neutered
      animal
      trapping
     
    
   
   
    
     
      through
      the
      motions
      of
      a
      world
      with
     
     
      which
      I
      share
      almost
      nothing
      except
      a
     
    
   
   
    
     
      bileful
      contempt.
      Yes,
      I
      am.
      Am
      I
     
    
   
   
    
     
      afraid
      that
      I
      will
      die
      a
      lonely
      death
      and
     
     
      have,
      as
      you
      so
      keenly
      point
      out,
      noth-
     
     
      ing
      but
      the
      memory
      of
      my
      failed
      life,
     
     
      or
      “shit”
      as
      you
      put
      it,
      to
      remember?
      I
     
     
      am.
      Would
      I
      like
      to
      buy
      a
      stereo?
      No,
     
     
      I
      have
      learned.
      I
      have
      learned.
      I
      will
     
     
      not
      die
      with
      shit
      as
      my
      companion.
     
     
      And
      I
      hope
      Stephan
      won’t
      either.
      -Ed.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
      Dave,
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Here’s
      the
      thing.
      We
      like
      to
      run
      cam-
     
     
      pus
      ads.
      We
      enjoy
      promoting
      the
     
    
   
   
    
     
      goings-on
      in
      this
      fine
      little
      place.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      But
      we
      also
      like
      free
      stuff.
      Free
      CDs,
     
     
      beer
      coupons,
      cigarettes,
      pizza,
      Mr.
     
     
      Christie
      brand
      snack
      foods,
      pop,
     
     
      passes
      to
      local
      plays,
      movies,
      con-
     
     
      certs
      and
      extravaganzi.
      But
      you
      busi-
     
     
      ness
      people
      have
      not
      given
      us
      any-
     
     
      thing
      for
      free.
      Instead
      you
      have
      treat-
     
     
      ed
      us
      like
      one
      of
      your
      own.
      Now,
     
     
      first
      let
      it
      be
      said
      that
      I
      was
      once
      like
     
     
      you.
      Yes,
      I
      was
      once
      a
      member
      of
      the
     
     
      business
      society,
      circa
      1995.
      Before
     
     
      I
      wised
      up.
      What
      they
      are
      building
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      there
      is
      an
      inferneal
      cult
      of
      bottom-
     
     
      feeding
      louses
      (no,
      no,
      that’s
      us,
     
     
      sorry)
      who
      will
      surely
      break
      you
      if
     
     
      you
      don’t
      get
      out
      while
      you
      can.
      The
     
     
      business
      society,
      it
      has
      been
      foretold,
     
     
      will
      be
      appointed
      the
      head
      of
      all
      the
     
     
      universe
      (sorry,
      us
      again)
      and
      what
     
     
      sweeping
      carnage
      will
      lay
      in
      its
     
     
      wake,
      we
      can
      only
      guess.
      My
      only
     
     
      advice
      to
      you
      is
      to
      get
      out
      while
      you
     
     
      can.
      Pull
      the
      chord.
      And,
      jesus,
      do
      we
     
     
      really
      need
      another
      pub
      crawl?
      And
     
     
      if
      we
      do,
      and
      you
      really
      want
      to
      pro-
     
     
      mote
      it,
      I
      suggest
      next
      time
      you
      don’t
     
     
      cheap
      out
      and
      actually
      give
      us
      a
      cou-
     
     
      ple
      of
      FREE
      passes,
      dig?
      FREE!
      -
     
     
      Ed.