On
      December
      27th,
      2000
     
     
      the
      hockey
      world
      rejoiced
      as
      one
      of
     
     
      its
      saviours
      returned
      to
      the
      ice.
     
     
      Pittsburgh
      Penguin
      superstar
      Mario
     
     
      Lemieux
      made
      his
      return
      from
      a
     
     
      three
      and
      a
      half
      year
      layoff
      to
      score
     
     
      one
      goal
      and
      set
      up
      two
      others
      as
     
     
      the
      Pens
      defeated
      the
      Toronto
     
     
      Maple
      Leafs
      5-0
      before
      a
      capacity
     
     
      crowd
      of
      17,148
      at
      the
      Igloo.
     
    

    
     
      Lemieux,
      who
      took
      the
     
     
      opening
      face-off,
      assisted
      on
     
     
      Jaromir
      Jagr’s
      20th
      goal
      of
      the
      sea-
     
     
      son
      just
      33
      seconds
      in
      to
      the
      first
     
     
      period.
      He
      did
      the
      unthinkable
      in
     
     
      the
      second
      period
      by
      scoring
      his
     
     
      first
      goal
      of
      the
      season
      on
      a
      great
     
     
      setup
      from
      Jagr
      which
      left
      specta-
     
     
      tors
      and
      broadcasters
      in
      awe.
     
    

    
     
      Lemieux
      hasn’t
      lost
      a
      step
     
     
      since
      his
      return.
      The
      Pens
      are
      4-1
     
     
      and
      Lemieux
      has
      4
      goals
      in
      five
     
     
      games
      and
      a
      total
      of
      14
      points.
     
     
      With
      40
      games
      remaining
      on
      the
     
     
      Penguins
      schedule,
      Mario
      is
      on
     
     
      pace
      to
      score
      112
      points
      if
      he
      con-
     
     
      tinues
      his
      2.8
      points
      per
      game
      aver-
     
     
      age.
     
    

    
     
      The
      return
      of
      Lemieux
      has
     
     
      also
      rejuvenated
      Pens’
      captain
     
     
      Jaromir
      Jagr
      who
      had
      been
      strug-
     
     
      gling
      and
      had
      even
      contemplated
     
     
      retirement
      earlier
      this
      season.
      The
     
     
      two
      were
      named
      co-NHL
      Players
     
     
      of
      the
      Week
      during
      the
      week
      of
     
     
      Lemieux’s
      return.
     
    

    
     
      When
      Lemieux
      retired
      in
     
     
      1997
      it
      was
      thought
      that
      he
      would
     
     
      never
      return
      after
      suffering
      a
      rash
     
     
      of
      bad
      luck
      which
      included
      a
      lin-
     
     
      gering
      back
      problem,
      a
      bout
      with
     
     
      Hodgkin’s
      Disease,
      and
      the
      con-
     
     
      stant
      clutching
      and
      grabbing
      which
     
     
      was
      taking
      the
      finesse
      and
      skill
      out
     
     
      of
      his
      and
      other
      star
      players
      games.
     
    

    
     
      Lemieux
      is
      now
      at
      full
      health
     
     
      and
      seems
      much
      happier
      with
      the
     
     
      crackdown
      by
      NHL
      officials
      to
      call
     
     
      more
      penalties
      against
      clutching
     
     
      and
      grabbing.
      Many
      believe
      that
     
     
      Lemieux,
      the
      majority
      owner
      of
      the
     
    
   
   
    
     
      eee
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Pens,
      is
      back
      for
      financial
      reasons.
     
     
      The
      team
      was
      drawing
      mediocre
     
     
      crowds
      to
      home
      games
      before
      he
     
     
      returned
      but
      is
      now
      sold
      out
      for
      the
     
    
   
   
    
     
      _team’s
      remaining
      home
      games.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Lemieux
      has
      defended
      him-
     
     
      self
      by
      stating
      that
      the
      reason
      for
     
     
      his
      return
      is
      his
      good
      health,
      an
     
     
      urge
      to
      compete
      again
      and
      to
      play
     
     
      in
      front
      of
      his
      4
      year-old
      son
      Austin
     
     
      who
      was
      an
      infant
      when
      his
      father
     
     
      originally
      retired.
     
    

    
     
      The
      Pens
      will
      make
      one
      trip
     
     
      to
      Canada
      this
      year
      to
      play
      the
     
     
      Canadiens
      in
      Lemieux’s
      hometown
     
     
      of
      Montreal
      in
      February.
      The
      hap-
     
     
      less
      Canadiens
      will
      be
      overshad-
     
     
      owed
      by
      Lemieux
      which
      will
     
     
      remind
      many
      hockey
      fans
      of
      Guy
     
     
      Lafleur’s
      return
      to
      the
      Montreal
     
     
      Forum
      as
      a
      member
      of
      the
      New
     
     
      York
      Rangers
      in
      1987.
      Lafleur
      won
     
     
      the
      crowd
      that
      night
      and
      Lemieux
     
     
      is
      likely
      to
      do
      the
      same.
     
    

    
     
      In
      fact
      Lemieux
      has
      won
     
     
      the
      crowd
      in
      every
      arena
      since
      his
     
     
      return
      to
      the
      ice.
      He
      has
      brought
      an
     
     
      increase
      in
      revenue
      to
      the
      league
     
     
      and
      has
      given
      the
      fans
      and
      the
     
     
      league
      the
      marquee
      name
      that
      has
     
     
      been
      vacant
      since
      Wayne
      Gretzky
     
     
      retired
      in
      1999.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      While
      most
      of
      us
      have
      been
     
     
      stuffing
      our
      gourds
      with
      our
      own
     
     
      weight
      in
      turkey
      and
      getting
      shit-
     
     
      faced
      to
      usher
      in
      the
      real
      new
      mil-
     
     
      lennium
      (I
      guess
      Clarke
      and
     
     
      Kubirk
      were
      a
      bit
      off
      with
      their
     
     
      Space
      Odyessey
      predictions
      for
     
     
      2001)
      the
      world
      of
      sports
      has
      con-
     
     
      tinued
      to
      spin
      on
      its
      axis.
     
    

    
     
      And
      of
      late
      that
      axis
      has
     
     
      been
      none
      other
      than
      Mario
     
     
      Lemieux.
      Yes,
      Mr.
      Mario
      pulled
      an
     
     
      Air
      Jordan
      and
      removed
      his
      jersey
     
     
      from
      the
      rafters.
      Mario’s
      motives
     
     
      are
      probably
      more
      monetarily
     
     
      inclined,
      as
      he
      is
      part
      owner
      of
      the
     
     
      Penguins,
      than
      that
      he
      sucks
      at
     
     
      baseball,
      as
      was
      Mike’s
      excuse.
     
     
      But
      Mario
      is
      only
      going
      to
      be
      pay-
     
     
      ing
      himself
      minimum
      wage.
      In
      his
     
     
      first
      5
      games
      back,
      Super
      Mario
     
     
      earned
      12
      points
      and
      co-player
      of
     
     
      the
      week
      along
      with
      his
      on
      ice
      part-
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ner
      Luigi
      Jagar.
     
    

    
     
      But
      all
      the
      Pens
      fans
      can
     
     
      collectively
      kiss
      my
      ass
      as
     
     
      Montreal
      defeated
      Pittsburgh
      4-3
     
     
      on
      Friday
      January
      Sth
      and
      Habs
     
     
      goaltender
      Jose
      Theodore
      scored
      a
     
     
      goal
      using
      a
      backhand
      last
      week.
     
     
      But
      other
      than
      that
      the
      Canadiens
     
     
      ain’t
      done
      shit
      for
      me
      lately.
      Here’s
     
     
      my
      advice
      to
      the
      new
      Habs
      man-
     
     
      agement,
      go
      to
      the
      All
      Star
      game
     
     
      and
      buy
      some
      damn
      players.
     
    

    
     
      And
      finally
      in
      XFL
      news...
     
     
      oh
      wait,
      I
      don’t
      care
      about
      that
     
     
      P.O.S.
      excuse
      for
      a
      football
      league.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
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      The
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