12
     
    
   
   
    
     
      by
      S.
      Livingstone
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Trials
      &
      Tribulations
      of
      a
     
    
   
   
    
     
      twentysomething
     
    
   
   
    
     
      he
      decisions
      I
      make
      are
      never
      done
      so
     
     
      with
      great
      contemplation
      as
      I
      know
      all
     
     
      too
      well
      that
      my
      mere
      lack
      of
      responsi-
     
     
      bility
      will
      eventually
      allow
      for
      many
      of
      my
     
     
      resolutions
      to
      simply
      fall
      by
      the
      wayside.
      It
      is
     
     
      not
      as
      though
      I
      have
      some
      sort
      of
      conviction
     
     
      deficiency,
      but
      sometimes
      I
      cannot
      adhere
      to
     
     
      the
      restrictions
      I
      place
      on
      myself.
      One
      previ-
     
     
      ously
      made
      decision
      of
      mine
      about
      to
      be
      shat-
     
     
      tered
      is
      the
      decision
      to
      leave
      the
      thirty/
     
     
      fortysomethings
      alone.
      I
      felt
      their
      age
      no
      longer
     
     
      afforded
      them
      the
      energy
      to
      stay
      on
      the
      front
     
     
      lines
      of
      the
      generational
      battlefield,
      and
      any-
     
     
      way,
      Douglas
      Copeland
      has
      graciously
      asked
     
     
      for
      the
      return
      of
      the
      borrowed
      spotlight.
     
    

    
     
      My
      reasoning
      behind
      this
      sudden
      change
      of
     
     
      mind
      seems
      rather
      obvious
      to
      me
      -
      Pres.
      Clinton
     
     
      was
      recently
      sworn
      in
      as
      the
      new
      and
      improved
     
     
      President
      of
      the
      United
      States.
      Now,
      for
      those
     
     
      of
      you
      tuning
      out
      to
      the
      oblivious
      din
      of
     
     
      Muchmusic
      for
      fear
      this
      is
      becoming
      a
      political
     
     
      commentary,
      do
      not
      worry.
      I
      just
      want
      to
      take
     
     
      this
      time
      to
      discuss
      the
      virtues
      and
      dread
      of
     
     
      having
      a
      yuppie
      presiding
      over
      the
      most
      power-
     
     
      ful
      police
      force
      -
      I
      mean
      country
      -in
      the
      world.
     
     
      Frightening?
      Maybe.
     
    

    
     
      Actually,
      if
      the
      truth
      is
      to
      be
      published,
      I
     
     
      would
      have
      voted
      for
      Clinton
      in
      the
      election.
     
     
      Canadians,
      sadly
      enough,
      cannot
      vote
      in
      the
     
     
      American
      presidential
      election.
      Then
      again,
      we
     
     
      cannot
      buy
      those
      attractive
      and
      tasteful
      Elvis
     
     
      stamps
      in
      this
      country
      either,
      but
      that
      is
      another
     
     
      sad
      story
      for
      another
      time.
      Clinton
      and
      his
     
     
      liberal
      Democrats
      may
      possess
      the
      abilities
      to
     
     
      end
      the
      problems
      of
      the
      world
      without
      creating
     
     
      the
      turmoil
      other
      U.S.
      presidents
      have
      in
      the
     
     
      past.
      They
      may
      also
      possess
      the
      intelligence
      to
     
     
      spell
      common
      vegetable
      names.
      We
      can
      only
     
     
      adopt
      a
      wait
      and
      see
      attitude.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      —,,
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      It
      should
      also
      be
      noted
      that
      Vice-President
     
     
      Gore
      has
      not
      yet
      created
      a
      media
      circus
      in
      a
     
     
      demonstration
      of
      grotesque
      stupidity.
      Clinton
     
     
      can
      rest
      for
      the
      moment.
      It
      is
      not
      politically
     
     
      possible
      that
      two
      consecutive
      Presidents
      would
     
     
      both
      chose
      puppet-like
      simpletons
      for
      their
     
     
      Vice-President.
      We
      will
      all
      be
      watching
      Gore
     
     
      though
      just
      in
      case
      my
      imagined
      political
      theory
     
     
      fails
      adding
      more
      fun
      to
      the
      nightly
      news
      than
     
     
      viewers
      could
      bear.
      A
      discussion
      of
      Vice-
     
     
      President
      Gore
      cannot
      end
      without
      mentioning
     
     
      his
      lovely
      wife
      Tipper,
      the
      maniacal
      and
      censor-
     
     
      happy
      grim
      reaper
      of
      rock
      and
      roll.
      The
      woman
     
     
      clearly
      has
      too
      much
      time
      on
      her
      hands.
      If
     
     
      Tipper
      (charming
      name)
      had
      her
      choice,
      Seattle
     
     
      would
      have
      been
      barricaded
      off
      months
      ago
      in
     
     
      attempts
      to
      stop
      the
      onslaught
      of
      morally
      de-
     
     
      praved
      music
      from
      forcing
      its
      way
      into
      society
     
     
      without
      first
      being
      branded
      with
      parental
      warn-
     
     
      ing
      labels.
      All
      that
      can
      be
      said
      on
      this
      subject
      is
     
     
      one
      best
      be
      prepared
      for
      four
      years
      of
      Fleetwood
     
     
      Mac.
      The
      fun
      never
      ends!
     
    

    
     
      I
      guess
      that
      I
      could
      not
      end
      this
      discussion
     
     
      without
      mentioning
      first
      daughter,
      Chelsea
     
     
      Clinton,
      and
      the
      flurry
      of
      media
      activity
      taking
     
     
      place
      around
      her
      adolescent
      exisitence.
      The
     
     
      poor
      girl
      has
      been
      attacked
      from
      all
      sides,
     
     
      including
      Saturday
      Night
      Live.
      Few
      would
     
     
      argue
      that
      the
      world
      has
      come
      to
      realize
      she
     
     
      does
      lacks
      the
      radiance
      of
      a
      majority
      of
      her
     
     
      peers,
      but
      to
      be
      at
      an
      age
      when
      one
      insignificant
     
     
      zit
      is
      life
      threatening,
      imagine
      the
      complex
      she
     
     
      has
      acquired
      already.
     
    

    
     
      I
      do
      not
      suppose
      that
      having
      a
      privately
     
     
      schooled,
      draft
      dodging,
      sax
      playing
      yuppie
      as
     
     
      a
      world
      leader
      will
      be
      all
      that
      bad.
      We
      can
     
     
      simply
      look
      at
      it
      as
      a
      generational
      last
      hurrah
     
     
      and
      hope
      the
      Americans
      can
      believe
      their
      eyes
     
     
      when
      reading
      this
      president’s
      lips.
      @
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ar