FACT
      AND
      OPINION
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      UPEI
      Milestones
      Edition
     
    
   
   
    
     
      By
      Stephan
      MacLeod
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      In
      1855
     
     
      Bishop
      Bernard
     
     
      MacDonald
      opened
     
     
      St.
      Dunstan’s
     
     
      College.
     
     
      OPINION:
      It
      was
     
     
      named
      after
      the
     
     
      patron
      saint
      of
      b-
     
     
      boys,
      Dancing
     
     
      Dunstan:
      ~~
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      In
      1941
      St
     
     
      Dunstan’s
      University
     
     
      confers
      first
      Arts
     
     
      degrees.
     
    

    
     
      _
      OPINION:
      Back
     
     
      then
      they
      didn’t
      have
     
     
      fast
      food
      restaurants
     
     
      or
      taxi
      cabs,
      so
     
     
      people
      with
      Arts
     
     
      degrees
      had
      to
      find
     
     
      work
      as
      fishermen.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      PEI
     
     
      government
     
     
      purchased
      grounds
     
    
   
   
    
     
      and
      buildings
      from
      St.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dunstan’s
      University
     
     
      for
      $5,
      700,
      000.
     
     
      OPINION:
      They
     
     
      must
      have
      been
      really
     
     
      drunk
      when
      they
     
     
      agreed
      to
      pay
      that
     
     
      much
      money
      forthis
     
     
      shithole.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Dr.
      James
     
     
      Rigney
      was
      the
      first
     
     
      president
      of
      the
     
     
      Faculty
      Association.
     
     
      OPINION:
      The
     
     
      movie,
      The
      Faculty,
     
     
      is
      based
      loosely
      on
     
     
      his
      life
      story.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      In
      1969
      the
     
     
      men’s
      golf
      team
      won
     
     
      the
      first
      AUAA
     
    
   
   
    
     
      championship.
     
     
      OPINION:
      Golfis
     
     
      the
      only
      game
      where
     
     
      it’s
      perfectly
      fine
      to
     
     
      say,
      “Hey
      those
      are
     
     
      my
      balls,
      get
      them
      out
     
     
      of
      your
      mouth!”
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      first
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ~
      computer
      purchased.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      by
      UPEI
      was
      an
     
     
      IBM
      1620
      in
      1970.
     
     
      OPINION:
      I
      think
     
     
      the
      computer
      lab
      on
     
     
      the
      third
      floor
      of
     
     
      Main
      building
      is
      full
      of
     
     
      1620’s.
      I
      could
      be
     
     
      wrong,
      they
      may
     
    

    
     
      have
      upgraded
      to
     
     
      Commodores.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      Barn
     
     
      opened
      in
      1971
      as
     
     
      the
      University’s
     
     
      student
      centre.
     
     
      OPINION:
      Itstill
     
     
      functions
      as
      the
     
     
      symbolic
      hangout
      for
     
     
      UPEI’s
      redneck
     
     
      population
      (when
     
     
      they’
      re
      finished
     
     
      mating
      at
      Burger
     
     
      King).
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      In
      1972
      the
     
     
      Lady
      Panthers
      field
     
     
      hockey
      team
      won
      the
     
     
      Atlantic
      Intermediate
     
     
      championship.
     
     
      OPINION:
      Field
     
     
      hockey
      is
      like
      ice
     
     
      hockey
      except
      for
      the
     
     
      chance
      that
      a
      bird
     
     
      might
      shit
      on
      your
     
     
      head
      during
      second
     
     
      period.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT
      :
      Centential
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Scholars
      program
     
     
      was
      established
      in
     
     
      1973
      to
      provide
     
     
      Island
      residents
      over
     
     
      60
      free
      access
      to
     
     
      education.
     
     
      OPINION:
     
     
      Increasing
      tuition
     
    
   
   
    
     
      --givesIsland
      residents
      __
     
    
   
   
    
     
      under
      60
      less
      money
     
     
      to
      spend
      on
      beanie
     
     
      babies.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      In
      1973
      the
     
     
      campus
      plan
      was
     
     
      redesigned
      with
      new
     
     
      parking.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      It
      must
     
     
      have
      been
      redesigned
     
     
      by
      some
      sick
      fuck
     
     
      who
      enjoyed
      parking
     
     
      as
      far
      away
      from
     
     
      campus
      as
      possible.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      A
      provincial
     
     
      bid
      was
      made
      to
     
     
      establish
      a
      veterinary
     
     
      college
      at
      UPEI
      in
     
     
      1974.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      We’
      llall
     
     
      regret
      having
      a
     
     
      veterinary
      college
      the
     
     
      day
      they
      decide
      to
      let
     
     
      the
      monkeys
      out.
      Just
     
     
      wait
      and
      see.
      They’
      Il
     
     
      do
      it.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      men’s
     
     
      golfteam
      won
      the
     
     
      Atlantic
     
    
   
   
    
     
      .
      championship
      in
     
    
   
   
    
     
      1974.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Team
     
     
      work
      is
      what
      attracts
     
     
      most
      people
      to
      golf.
     
     
      And
      the
      fact
      that
     
     
      caddies
      have
      to
      tickle
     
    
   
   
    
     
      the
      players
      after
      each
     
     
      whole
      is
      an
      added
     
     
      bonus.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
     
     
      University
      Progress
     
     
      Fund
      raised
      close
      to
     
     
      $3,000,000
      fora
     
     
      new
      library
      in
      1974.
     
     
      OPINION:
      They
     
     
      needed
      at
      least
      $2
     
     
      million
      forthe
     
     
      futuristic,
      Bobcat
     
     
      book
      search
      system.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Robertson
      ~~
     
     
      Library
      officially
     
     
      opened
      in
      1975.
     
     
      OPINION:
      There
     
    

    
     
      are
      lots
      of
      books
      and
     
     
      shit
      at
      the
      library,
      but
     
     
      my
      only
      complaint
      is
     
     
      the
      lack
      of
      smut.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      In
      1977
      the
     
     
      women’s
      curling
      team
     
     
      won
      the
      AUAA
     
     
      championship.
     
     
      OPINION:
      Is
      it
      just
     
     
      me,
      or
      does
      anyone
     
     
      else
      finda
      bunch
      of
     
     
      women
      with
      brooms
     
     
      screaming
      “Hard!”
     
     
      erotic?
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      In
      1980
      an
     
     
      observatory
      was
     
     
      installed
      atop
     
     
      Memorial
      Hall.
     
     
      OPINION:
      Nowa
     
     
      days
      the
      observatory
     
     
      is
      home
      to
      rabid
     
     
      squirrels
      and
      retired
     
    
   
   
    
     
      English
      professors.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      In
      1981
      the
     
     
      Business
     
     
      Department
      became
     
     
      aschool.
     
     
      OPINION:
     
     
      Everything
      youlearn
     
     
      in
      an
      economics
      class
     
    
   
   
    
     
      has
      no
      application
      in
     
     
      the
      real
      world
     
     
      because
      they
      don’t
     
     
      teach
      you
      anything
     
     
      about
      Canadian
      Tire
     
    
   
   
    
     
      money.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
     
     
      Canadian
      Studies
     
     
      Program
      was
     
     
      established
      in
      1981.
     
     
      OPINION:
      A
      course
     
     
      in
      Canadian
      Studies
     
     
      is
      good
      because
      they
     
     
      tell
      you
      what
      those
     
     
      Canadian
      Heritage
     
     
      Moments
      are
      too
      —
     
     
      afraid
      to
      say.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
     
     
      Panthers
      won
      three
     
     
      men’s
      AUAA
      soccer
     
     
      championships
      ina
     
     
      row
      from
      1983-85.
     
     
      OPINION:
      The
     
     
      Rodney
      Dangerfield
     
     
      film,
      Ladybugs,
      really
     
     
      captures
      the
      true
     
     
      essence
      of
      winning
      a
     
     
      soccer
      game.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      hockey
     
     
      team
      won
      their
      first
     
     
      men’s
      AUAA
     
     
      championship
      in
     
     
      1985.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Not
      only
     
     
      did
      they
      win
      the
     
     
      championship,
      but
     
     
      they
      also
      won
      the
     
     
      hearts
      of
      millions.
     
     
      No,
      wait
      a
      minute,
     
     
      I’m
      thinking
      of
     
     
      Rodney
      Dangerfield
     
     
      again.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      Institute
     
     
      of
      Island
      Studies
      was
     
     
      established
      in
      1985.
     
     
      OPINION:
      The
      song
     
     
      Kokomo
      takes
      ona
     
     
      whole
      new
      meaning
     
     
      to
      someone
      in
      Island
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      first
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Studies.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      In
      1986
      the
     
     
      Panthers
      won
      their
     
     
      first
      AUAA
      men’s
     
     
      basketball
     
     
      championship.
     
     
      OPINION:
      Most
     
     
      people
      assume
      tall
     
     
      people
      are
      ona
     
     
      basketball
      team,
      but
     
     
      when
      I
      see
      a
      tall
     
     
      person
      I’m
     
     
      concerned
      about
     
     
      drool
      falling
      on
      my
     
     
      head
      from
      above.
     
    
   
   
    
     
        
     
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      were
      admitted
      in
     
     
      1986.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Butthey
     
     
      wouldn’t
      admit
      in
     
     
      public
      to
      actually
     
     
      being
      vet
      students.
     
     
      They
      would
      rather
      lie
     
     
      and
      say
      they
      were
     
     
      convicted
      murderers
     
     
      than
      tell
      people
      they
     
     
      cleaned
      monkey
      shit
     
     
      out
      of
      a
      cage.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      a
     
     
      oe
     
     
      i
      —
      |
     
     
      cs
     
     
      [E)
     
     
      oo
     
     
      ay
     
     
      a
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
     
     
      Challenge
      of
      the
     
     
      raised
      $500,000.
     
     
      OPINION:
      The
      real
     
     
      challenge
      of
      the
     
     
      Eighties
      was
      trying
      to
     
     
      get
      your
      hair
      to
      look
     
     
      like
      Mr.
      T’s.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      In
      1987
      the
     
     
      university
      adopted
     
     
      official
      coat
      ofarms
     
     
      and
      motto,
      “Faith
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Service.”
     
    
   
   
    
     
      OPINION:
      A
      better
     
     
      motto
      would
      be
     
     
      “UPEI:
      Nuts
      to
     
     
      Holland
      College,
     
     
      We're
      Fucking
     
     
      Great!”