NOVEMBER
      23,
      2006
     
    
   
   
    
     
        
     
     
       
     
     
        
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
        
     
    
   
   
    
     
         
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Mr.
      Advice
     
     
      Rob-Watker
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      THE
      CADRE
      @
      2-
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Mr.
      Advice
      3000
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
      Mr.
      Advice,
      I
      haven’t
      seen
      your
     
     
      column
      in
      a
      while,
      are
      you
      okay?
      What
     
     
      happened?
      —
      Concerned
      in
      Kelly
      .
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Advice:
      I’ve
      been
      away
      filming
      the
     
     
      Hollywood
      made
      for
      tv
      movie
      based
      on
     
     
      my
      life.
      Ben
      Affleck
      is
      starring
      as
      me
      and
     
     
      I
      was
      hired
      to
      consult.
      For
      some
      reason
     
     
      they
      thought
      my
      name
      wasn’t
      “flashy”
     
     
      enough
      and
      have
      changed
      it
      to
      ‘Mr.
     
     
      Advice
      3000’.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
      Mr.
      Advice,
      my
      classroom
      was
     
     
      flooded
      last
      week,
      what
      do
      I
      do?
      —
      Wet
     
     
      and
      Tired.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Advice:
      Rejoice,
      for
      these
      are
      signs
      of
     
     
      the
      coming
      of
      the
      apocalypse,
      where
      fire
     
     
      and
      brimstone
      and...you
      know
      what?
     
     
      Just
      buy
      some
      flood
      pants,
      roll
      up
      your
     
     
      jeans
      and
      enjoy
      the
      fact
      that
      you
      don’t
     
     
      have
      class
      today,
      douche.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
      Mr.
      Advice,
      I
      was
      at
      The
      Wave
     
     
      last
      Saturday
      night,
      and
      it
      sucked!
      There
     
     
      were
      no
      big
      names,
      bands
      or
      events
      and
     
     
      there
      was
      almost
      no
      one
      there!
      I’m
     
     
      pretty
      sure
      there
      were
      more
      bouncers
     
     
      than
      ‘actual
      customers!
      What
      do
      you
     
     
      suggest?!
      -
      No
      Cab
      Money
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Advice:
      Beats
      the
      hell
      out
      of
      me,
      I
      was
     
     
      at
      Hunters.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
      Mr.
      Advice,
      my
      parents
      have
      been
     
     
      fighting
      a
      lot,
      and
      I
      think
      they’te
      going
     
     
      to
      get
      a
      divorce.
      I’m
      really
      worried
     
     
      because
      if
      they
      do,
      I
      wouldn’t
      know
     
     
      what
      to
      do.
      I
      wouldn’t
      know
      who
      to
     
     
      choose.
      What
      should
      I
      do?
      —
      Jessica,
     
     
      age
      10.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Advice:
      What
      the...how
      did
      this
      get
      in
     
     
      here?
      Ok
      guys,
      that’s
      not
      funny,
      this
      girl
     
    
   
   
    
     
      needs
      some
      advice
      here
      and
      doesn’t
     
    
   
   
    
     
      realize
      this
      is
      a
      joke
      column...All
      right,
     
     
      all
      right,
      serious
      advice,
      uh...Jessica:
      The
     
     
      world
      is
      a
      cold
      and
      dark
      place
      and
      terrible
     
     
      things
      happen
      all
      the
      time.
      I
      suggest
     
     
      wearing
      black
      clothing
      and
      makeup
      and
     
     
      listening
      to
      trance
      and
      goth
      music.
      I
      hope
     
     
      that
      helps.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
      Mr.
      Advice:
      My
      girlfriend
      is
      really
     
     
      cute,
      and
      we’ve
      been
      experimenting
      a
      lot
     
     
      in
      bed.
      But
      lately,
      P’'ve
      been
      feeling
      really
     
     
      tired.
      What’s
      going
      on?
      —
      Rockin’
      the
     
     
      Dormroom
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Advice:
      Well,
      it
      sounds
      like
      you're.
      ..wait
     
     
      a
      minute.
      This
      isn’t
      an
      advice
      or
      question
     
    
   
   
    
     
      thing,
      this
      is
      a
      ‘I’m
      having
      sex’
      bragging
     
    
   
   
    
     
      thing,
      isn’t
      it?!
      Get
      out
      of
      here,
      you
     
     
      shmuck.
      I
      hope
      you
      get
      an
      uncomfortable
     
     
      yet
      treatable
      sexually
      transmitted
     
     
      infection.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Melanie
      Bernard
     
     
      Managing
      Editor
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Just
      a
      Little
      Something...
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      I
      got
      an
      email
      last
      week
      with
      the
      subject
     
     
      line
      that
      said
      “Girls
      Gone
      Wild
      Peake’s
     
     
      Corona
      Girls
      edition.”
      I
      opened
      it
      and
     
     
      found
      pics
      of
      the
      participants
      in
      the
     
     
      Corona
      Girls
      final
      contest.
      For
      those
      of
     
     
      you
      who
      haven’t
      had
      the
      pleasure
      of
     
     
      going
      to
      Peake’s
      on
      a
      Thursday
      night
     
     
      during
      the
      summer,
      let
      me
      tell
      you
      about
     
     
      the
      Corona
      Girls
      contests.
     
    

    
     
      One
      of
      the
      staff
      members,
      a
      guy
     
     
      of
      course,
      patrols
      the
      floor
      looking
      for
     
     
      the
      hottest,
      drunkest
      girl
      in
      the
      bar
      and
     
     
      asks
      her
      if
      she
      would
      like
      to
      be
      the
     
     
      Corona
      Girl
      for
      the
      night.
      They
      give
      her
     
     
      free
      drinks
      and
      dress
      her
      up
      in
      a
      tank
      top
     
     
      and
      little
      white
      shorts.
      She
      then
      goes
      up
     
     
      by
      the
      DJ
      or
      band
      and
      proceeds
      to
      shake
     
     
      her
      drunk
      ass
      in
      front
      of
      everyone.
      I
      have
     
     
      witnessed
      this
      on
      several
      occasions.
      It’s
     
     
      hilarious.
      Every
      time
      I
      have
      seen
      a
      girl
     
     
      get
      up
      there,
      she
      falls
      over,
      drops
      her
     
    
   
   
    
     
      drink
      or
      makes
      a
      complete
      ass
      out
      of
     
     
      herself
      in
      some
      other
      way.
     
    

    
     
      This
      is
      mild
      compared
      to
      what
     
     
      they
      do
      during
      after
      hours
      at
      the
      finals.’
     
     
      The
      shocker
      was
      the
      pics
      that
      were
      sent
     
     
      out
      in
      an
      email
      of
      the
      girls
      posing
      as
      if
     
     
      they
      are
      on
      GGW.
      Some
      of
      the
      pics
     
     
      weren’t
      that
      bad,
      just
      girls
      standing
     
     
      around
      trying
      to
      look
      sexy,
      but
      some
      of
     
     
      the
      pics
      are
      of
      them
      taking
      their
      clothes
     
     
      off
      and
      rubbing
      up
      on
      one
      another.
      A
     
     
      couple
      girls
      rip
      their
      bikini
      tops
      open
     
     
      and
      some
      of
      them
      make
      out
      with
      drinks
     
     
      in
      hand.
     
    

    
     
      Not
      cool.
      Well,
      most
      of
      you
      guys
     
     
      think
      this
      is
      cool
      and
      you
      want
      my
      email
     
     
      address
      so
      I
      can
      send
      you
      a
      copy.
      But
     
     
      when
      you
      consider
      that
      those
      pics
      were
     
     
      taken
      at
      a
      private
      function
      and
      the
      girls
     
     
      were
      fed
      alcohol,
      it
      may
      not
      be'so
     
     
      innocent.
      The
      bar
      was
      empty
      and
      a
      lot
     
     
      of
      the
      pics
      were
      taken
      in
      the
      guys
     
    
   
   
    
     
      bathroom.
      The
      managers
      and
      maybe
     
     
      even
      the
      owner
      had
      to
      know
      this
      was
     
     
      happening
      and
      it
      makes
      me
      sick.
      Some
     
     
      of
      those
      girls
      are
      young,
      and
      I
      know
      this
     
     
      because
      a
      few
      of
      them
      have
      been
     
     
      identified.
     
    

    
     
      Maybe
      the
      girls
      were
      coaxed
      into
     
     
      it
      to
      win
      the
      contest.
      Maybe
      they
      thought
     
     
      it
      was
      harmless
      fun
      that
      would
      never
     
     
      make
      it
      to
      the
      public.
      Maybe
      they
      want
     
     
      to
      be
      porn
      stars
      and
      don’t
      mind
      showing
     
     
      off
      everything
      they’ve
      got.
      Maybe
      they
     
     
      were
      so
      loaded
      and
      a
      few
      girls
      started
     
     
      stripping
      so
      they
      went
      in
      on
      the
      fun
      not
     
     
      realizing
      the
      consequences.
      If
      any
      of
      you
     
     
      girls
      are
      reading
      this,
      let
      me
      know
      because
     
     
      I'd
      like
      to
      find
      out
      what
      the
      motive
      behind
     
     
      this
      is.
     
    

    
     
      As
      for
      now,
      be
      embarrassed
     
     
      because
      people
      all
      over
      Canada
      have
      seen
     
     
      your
      dumb,
      naked
      asses.
      Did
      I
      mention
      I
     
     
      got
      this
      email
      from
      a
      friend
      in
      Calgary???