tears
      if
      you
      eat
      them
      too
      fast,
      or
      too
      often.
      But
      this
      time
      it
      was
      not
     
     
      the
      cheese.
      I
      smiled
      bravely
      at
      my
      subject
      and
      held
      out
      six
      dollars.
     
     
      “Three
      of
      whatever
      you
      got,”
      I
      said
      regally.
     
    

    
     
      But
      back
      to
      Mr.
      Waxman.
     
    

    
     
      During
      his
      TV
      time
      as
      the
      Recreation
      Centre
      co-ordinator,
     
     
      which
      is
      probably
      not
      his
      actual
      title
      but
      represents
      the
      spirit
      of
      the
     
     
      actual
      one,
      and
      before,
      when
      he
      worked
      at
      a
      bar
      or
      something,
      he
     
     
      was,
      by
      God,
      the
      King
      of
      all
      Canadian
      Media,
      not
      just
      Kensington
     
     
      market.
      And
      the
      show
      was
      so
      good.
     
    

    
     
      Sometimes
      the
      King
      was
      wrong,
      and
      sometimes
      the
      King
     
     
      was
      right,
      but
      we
      always
      took
      away
      something
      other
      than
      it
      does
      not
     
     
      matter
      what
      size
      you
      are,
      tight
      gym
      clothes
      are
      attractive
      if
      you
      are
     
     
      the
      King,
      though
      we
      learned
      that
      too.
      Elvis
      knew
      it,
      just
      as
      Waxman
     
     
      knew
      it,
      just
      as
      I
      will
      know
      it
      well
      someday.
     
    

    
     
      But
      there
      was
      more
      to
      the
      King
      of
      Kensington
      than
      Al
     
     
      Waxman
      in
      tight
      clothes
      and
      Canada’s
      smallest,
      and
      most
      turbulent
     
     
      community
      centre
      on
      Wednesday
      nights,
      which
      is
      not
      actually
      the
     
     
      night
      the
      show
      aired,
      or
      rather
      it
      could
      be,
      I
      can’t
      remember,
      but
     
     
      since
      people
      from
      all
      parts
      of
      this
      great
      and
      massive
      country
     
     
      watched
      him
      at
      varying
      times,
      what
      day
      I
      actually
      watched
      him
      is
     
     
      quite
      unimportant,
      and
      since
      I
      am
      not
      certain
      I
      thought
      I
      would
      pick
     
     
      Wednesday
      because,
      well,
      its
      Wednesday
      and
      fuck
      all
      else
      is
      hap-
     
     
      pening.
      Race
      and
      sex
      and
      equality,
      and
      immigration:
      all
      topics
      on
     
     
      the
      show.
      You
      think
      that
      Degrassi
      was
      cutting
      edge?
      Degrassi
      was
     
     
      Charles
      in
      Charge
      next
      to
      King
      of
      Kensington.
      But
      that
      was
      not
     
     
      enough
      for
      Waxman.
      -
     
    

    
     
      After
      the
      show
      was
      inexplicably
      cancelled
      by
      some
      half-wit
     
     
      who
      probably
      spent
      the
      CBC
      money
      allotted
      to
      Al
      Waxman’s
      genius
     
     
      on
      hookers
      at
      the
      Calgary
      Stampede
      and
      needed
      to
      cut
      cost
      to
      cover
     
     
      his
      ass,
      you
      would
      not
      have
      blamed
      Waxman
      for
      calling
      it
      a
      career.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      After
      all,
      once
      you
      are
      the
      King
      everything
      else
      is
      a
      demotion.
      Ask
     
     
      Presley.
     
    

    
     
      But
      Waxman
      went
      on
      to
      save
      American
      TV
      after
      that.
      That
     
     
      is
      why
      he
      became
      the
      grizzled
      Lieutenant
      on
      the
      hit
      show
      Cagney
     
     
      and
      Lacey.
      He
      inspired
      stars
      Sharon
      Gless
      and
      Tyne
      Daily
      to
      new
     
     
      heights,
      and
      to
      stop
      worrying
      about
      their
      weight.
      In
      fact,
      in
      the
      years
     
     
      since
      the
      hit
      detective
      show
      Waxman
      got
      steadily
      thinner
      while
     
     
      Daily/Gless
      got
      continually
      bigger.
     
    

    
     
      But
      Waxman
      was
      more
      than
      just
      an
      overweight,
      yet
      strange-
     
     
      ly
      attractive,
      television
      actor.
      He
      was
      more
      than
      just
      the
      grizzled
     
     
      forerunner
      to
      other
      grizzled
      authority
      figures
      in
      primetime
      TV
     
     
      shows,
      the
      finest
      of
      which
      is
      crusty
      Adam
      Schiff
      on
      Law
      and
      Order,
     
     
      who
      I
      hear
      has
      been
      replaced
      by
      a
      Diane
      Wiest,
      a
      considerable
      step
     
     
      down,
      because
      Al
      was
      unavailable.
      He
      was
      Canada,
      and
      that
      keeps
     
     
      a
      man
      busy.
     
    

    
     
      I
      am
      tempted
      to
      blow
      out
      of
      this
      dump
      right
      now.
      Pick
      up
      one
     
     
      of
      those
      ice
      breakers
      and
      strap
      it
      to
      the
      front
      of
      whatever
      vehicle
      is
     
     
      available:
      your
      Nova
      maybe.
      Put
      her
      to
      the
      boards
      until
      we
      reach
     
     
      Toronto
      and
      beat
      the
      city,
      smoke
      some
      cigarettes
      and
      line
      up
      for
      my
     
     
      cheese
      end.
      And
      stroll
      through
      the
      Market,
      and
      bring
      those
      words
      to
     
     
      my
      lips
      again,
      and
      sing
      for
      the
      merchants
      more
      than
      anyone,
      more
     
     
      than
      Al.
      Sing
      so
      they
      know
      that
      the
      King,
      though
      he
      is
      dead,
      still
      has
     
     
      subjects
      who
      remember,
      and
      mourn.
      And
      that
      if
      they
      asked
      me
      right
     
     
      now
      I’d
      unzip
      my
      jacket
      and
      go
      for
      that
      walk
      again,
      and
      sing
      that
     
     
      song,
      and
      I
      can
      be
      King
      again,
      if
      only
      for
      that
      one
      day.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Send
      word,
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Kent
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      4
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
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