The
      extensive
      interroga-
     
     
      tion
      endured
      by
      the
      accused
     
     
      Somalian
      war
      veterans
      per-
     
     
      sists
      infinitely
      so,
      concerning
     
     
      the
      apparent
      acts
      of
      inappro-
     
     
      priate
      violence
      performed
      quite
     
     
      a
      time
      ago
      by
      such
      individuals
     
     
      in
      question.
      But
      speaking
      of
     
     
      extensive,
      man,
      what’s
      with
     
     
      all
      these
      new
      rules
      for
      getting
     
     
      shotgun
      that
      people
      keep
      think-
     
     
      ing
      up
      these
      days?
      No,
      no,
      no,
     
     
      people.
      It’s
      getting
      all
      crazy
     
     
      now.
      Soon,
      everything’s
      gonna
     
     
      get
      so
      screwed
      up
      that
      no
      one
     
     
      will
      have
      any
      clue
      whatsoever
     
     
      as
      to
      who
      is
      the
      rightful
      de-
     
     
      serving
      candidate
      for
      the
     
     
      prized
      passenger
      seat
      of
      pres-
     
     
      tige.
      Whoa,
      cool.
      That’s
      kind
     
     
      of
      a
      cool
      phrase.
      Prized
      pas-
     
     
      senger
      seat
      of
      Prestige.
      Hmm.
     
     
      Well,
      anyway,
      dueto
      this
      seat-
     
     
      ing
      arrangement
      chaos,
      I
      have
     
     
      to
      take
      it
      upon
      myself
      to
      draw
     
     
      up
      a
      written,
      ordered
      docu-
     
     
      ment,
      describing
      some
      definite
     
     
      rules
      for
      shotgun
      that
      will
     
     
      hopefully
      be
      communally
     
     
      agreed
      upon
      as
      guidelines
      for
     
     
      this
      particular
      contest.
      Any
     
     
      proposals
      for
      amendments
      to
     
     
      the
      document
      can
      be
      taken
      up
     
     
      with
      me,
      Bawb:
     
    

    
     
      -The
      contest
      begins
      once
     
     
      the
      participants
      have
      either
      a)
     
     
      exited
      the
      building,
      on
      their
     
     
      way
      to
      the
      vehicle,
      or
      b)
      unani-
     
     
      mously
      decided
      upon
      heading
     
     
      to
      the
      vehicle
      for
      departure.
     
     
      (If
      the
      party
      was
      not
      originally
     
    
   
   
    
     
      thane
     
    
   
   
    
     
      CINCH
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ...
      Todd
      MacLean
     
    
   
   
    
     
      in
      a
      building
      in
      the
      first
      place.)
     
    

    
     
      -Once
      outside,
      it
      is
      then
     
     
      that
      the
      word
      “shotgun!”
      is
     
     
      yelled
      by
      the
      participants,
      and
     
     
      of
      course,
      the
      first
      one
      to
      yell
     
     
      the
      word,
      receives
      it
      in
      turn.
     
    

    
     
      -However,
      if
      the
      party
     
     
      then
      by
      chance
      enter
      another
     
     
      building
      on
      their
      way
      to
      the
      car
     
     
      (such
      as
      taking
      a
      shortcut
     
     
      through
      the
      Chemistry
      Build-
     
     
      ing
      on
      a
      cold
      winter
      day),
      the
     
     
      contest
      must
      then
      begin
      all
     
     
      over
      again,
      in
      the
      same
      man-
     
     
      ner
      as
      before.
     
    

    
     
      -This
      is
      all
      fine
      and
     
     
      dandy.
      BUT,
      ifthe
      participants
     
     
      both
      yell
      “shotgun!”
      ;at
      the
     
     
      same
      time,-a
      full
      out,
      sprinting
     
     
      race
      to
      the
      vehicle
      must
      en-
     
     
      sue.
     
    

    
     
      -Then,
      if
      an
      attractive
     
     
      person
      of
      the
      opposite
      sex
      is
     
     
      met
      up
      with
      while
      racing,
      the
     
     
      leader
      in
      the
      race
      must
      then
     
     
      purposely
      fall
      down
      to
      the
     
     
      ground,
      excruciatingly
      shout-
     
     
      ing
      out,
      “Oh
      my
      God.
      I
      broke
     
     
      my
      f@#$%*
      leg!”,
      while
      the
     
     
      other
      competitor,
      along
      with
     
     
      the
      attractive
      person,
      look
     
     
      down
      and
      laugh
      at
      the
      fool
      on
     
     
      the
      ground.
      Well,
      actually,
      this
     
     
      tule
      is
      optional,
      and
      usually
     
     
      doesn’t
      work
      out
      well
      for
      any-
     
     
      one
      involved.
      But
      after
      the
     
     
      perplexed
      attractive
      person
     
     
      passes
      by,
      the
      race
      begins
      once
     
     
      again.
     
    

    
     
      -The
      race
      finally
      ends,
     
     
      and
      the
      winner
      is
      crowned,
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
      Panther
      Prints
      6+
     
    
   
   
    
     
           
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      when
      the
      first
      person
      to
      the
     
     
      car
      touches
      the
      passenger
      door
     
     
      handle,
      and
      says,
      “Ohmy
      God.
     
     
      I
      am
      the
      winner.”
     
    

    
     
      -Once
      shotgun
      is
      ob-
     
     
      tained,
      and
      the
      ride
      in
      the
      car
      is
     
     
      taken
      and
      finished,
      the
     
     
      shotgunner
      does
      not
      get
      to
      keep
     
     
      their
      position
      for
      the
      next
      time.
     
     
      It
      is
      rather
      put
      up
      for
      grabs
     
     
      once
      again,
      in
      another
      vicious
     
     
      and
      demanding
      contest.
     
    

    
     
      There.
      That
      feels
      quite
     
     
      a
      lot
      better.
      Succulent,
      in
      fact.
     
     
      Isn’t
      that
      a
      cool
      word?
      Succu-
     
     
      lent.
      It’s
      a
      pretty
      odd
      adjec-
     
     
      tive,
      to
      tell
      you
      the
      truth.
      Re-
     
     
      ally,
      I
      think
      it’s
      only
      supposed
     
     
      to
      be
      used
      to
      describe
      cooked
     
     
      meat
      or
      something.
      Like
      you
     
     
      wouldn’t
      usually
      hear
      some-
     
     
      one
      say,
      “That
      Spice
      Girls
      song
     
     
      is
      succulent.”
      Yes.
      Weird.
     
    

    
     
      Kinda
      like
      those
      FYP
     
     
      guys.
      Man,
      what’s
      up
      with
     
     
      them,
      anyway?
      They’re
      like
     
     
      always
      wanting
      me
      to
      hang
     
     
      out
      at
      some
      “cultural
      centre”
     
     
      or
      something.
      Word
      on
      the
     
     
      street
      has
      it
      that
      they
      play
      bas-
     
     
      ketball
      or
      something,
      and
      I
     
     
      guess
      they
      all
      think
      they
      kick
      a
     
     
      fair
      amount
      of
      ass
      or
      some-
     
     
      thing.
      I'll
      have
      to
      definitely
     
     
      question
      them
      on
      this
      subject
     
     
      in
      the
      future.
      Ah,
      yes,
      just
      like
     
     
      that
      Somalia
      interrogation
      is-
     
     
      sue.
      Man,
      someone
      should
     
     
      write
      an
      article
      on
      that
      some-
     
     
      time.
      That
      would
      be
      cool.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Great
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Movies
     
     
      -Downtown-
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      64
      King
      St.
      368-3669
     
    
   
   
    
     
        
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      March
      18
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      nls
      Aveo
     
     
      Atal
      he
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Fo
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Jom
      Night
     
     
      wednesday
     
    
   
   
    
     
      QI
     
     
      Paka
     
    
   
   
    
     
      MOV
      ie”
      Pit
     
     
      Ouin
      Gan
     
    
   
   
    
     
      MIP
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Wi
      yg
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ,
      1997