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     EDDIE GARDNER(IN HALLOWEEN COSTUME) INTERVIEWING THE GREAT PUMPKIN 
     
    
   
   
    
         
     
    
   
   
    
     beWEEN FAlilRE= ‘ 
     
    
   
   
    
     THE GREAT PIJMPKIN 
     
    
   
   
    
     The CADRE, in its con- 
     
     tinuing search to be relivent 
     
     pand topical, has gone right 
     
     to the top for its Hallawee'n 
     
     feature. We have an interview 
     
     with the great Pumpkin. who we 
     
     vhappened to grab Just as she 
     
     was being hauled bff to market. 
     
     What follows is a completely' 
     
     factual account of the interview 
     
     nothing has been deleted, 
     
     and the names have not been 
     
     changed to protect the innocent. 
     
     CADRE: Just exactly how did 
     
    

    
     you start off, Great 
     
     __ Pumpkin? 
     
     PUMPKINzMy father was a squash. 
     
     and my mother was a 
     
     stringbean. 
     
     I realize that Halloween 
     
     is a very busy night 
     
     for you. but what do you 
     
     do during the off- season? 
     
     PUMPKIN20h. I sit arround and 
     
     rot. mostly. Just like 
     
     football players. 
     
     CADRE: When was the last time 
     
     you were taken for lunch? 
     
     PUMPKIN: Last year. when I was 
     
     one of the enteries for 
     
     Miss Universal Pumpkin. 
     
     T remember that very well 
     
    
   
   
    
     CARE: 
     
    
   
   
    
     I had won the regional 
     
     Princess of the Patch 
     
     contest, and advanced 
     
     to the finals. they 
     
     couldnlt get me a seat 
     
     on the plane, so I flew 
     
     down on my own. 
     
    
   
   
    
     CADRE: How as you fly. anyhow? 
     
     PUMPKIN3WiEK'great difficulty. 
     
     CADRE: You are obviously. from 
     
     your conversation, a 
     
     female pumpkin. How does 
     
     one tell the difference 
     
     between Jack o' Lanterns 
     
     and Jill o'Lanterns? 
     
     PUMPKIN: The Jack o'Ianterns 
     
     are the ones with the 
     
     long.handels. 
     
    
   
   
    
     CADRE: What do pumpkins do on 
     
     Friday nights? 
     
    
   
   
    
     -BUMPKIK:I dunno. What would 
     
    
   
   
    
     you do if you were fat 
     
     and orange. 
     
    

    
     I know that you are 
     
     active in the Pumpkin 
     
     Liberation movement. 
     
     Now Just who do you 
     
     think is exploiting you? 
     
    
   
   
    
     CADRE: 
     
    
   
   
    
     SPEAKE 
     
    
   
   
    
     PUMPKIN: Peter, Peter. Pumpkin- 
     
     eater. 
     
     CADRE:Would you consider Pump- 
     
     kin Lib. as an under- 
     
     ground movement? 
     
    
   
   
    
     PUMPKIN:We started out that 
     
     way. but for the last 
     
     few months we've seen 
     
     the light. We're plan 
     
    

    
     ning a big protest 
     
     march to the patch; 
     
     wnere all the fruits 
     
     and vegetables will 
     
     convene. We demand 
     
     equal rights and don't 
     
     relish being 3 uashed. 
     
     CADRE: How do you fee about 
     
     being exploited by the 
     
     N.F.U.? 
     
    

    
     PUMPKIN: We refuse to be up- 
     
     rooted from our homes 
     
     and carted off}? 
     
    

    
     CADREzGoodnight, Great Pumpkin 
     
    

    
     PUMPKIN:Goodnight.Chet, 
     
    

    
     And goodnight to you, 
     
     Edgar, wherever you arelt 
     
    
   
   
    
     \ 
     
    
   
   
    
     T