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      *Bawb
      the
      Ambitious
      News
      Guy:
      The
      Cloning
      Issue
     
    
   
   
    
     
      By:
      Bawb
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Since
      the
      revolutionary
      cloned
      sheep
      embryo
      has
      been
     
     
      brought
      into
      existence,
      there
      has
      been
      substantial
      debate
      over
     
     
      the
      morality
      of
      the
      subject,
      and
      in
      particular,
      pertaining
      to
      the
     
     
      now
      prominent
      possibility
      of
      adopting
      this
      cloning
      technique
      to
     
     
      human
      reproduction.
      But
      did
      you
      ever
      see
      those
      Australian
     
     
      Rules
      Football
      line
      judge
      guys?
      Man,
      they’re
      cool.
      Now,
      if
      there
     
     
      was
      ever
      a
      particular
      group
      of
      people
      that
      looked
      like
      they
      were
     
     
      cloned,
      it
      would
      be
      these
      studmuffins.
      They
      all
      wear
      the
      same
     
     
      white
      formal
      suits,
      of
      course,
      but
      even
      their
      faces
      are
      the
      same.
     
     
      That
      would
      be
      the
      best
      job
      in
      the
      world.
      You
      just
      stand
      there,
     
     
      in
      an
      anal
      retentive,
      authoritative
      manner,
      and
      point
      with
      both
     
     
      arms
      after
      a
      goal
      is
      kicked.
      And
      you
      just
      look
      cool
      while
      doing
     
     
      it
      too,
      cause
      the
      whole
      gesture’s
      just
      like,
      “I’m
      cool,
      cause
      I’m
     
     
      wearing
      a
      white
      suit,
      and
      I
      look
      dumb,
      but
      you
      have
      to
      look
      at
     
     
      me,
      so
      I'm
      cool.”
      Man,
      that’s
      awesome.
      But,
      I
      guess
      I’Il
      never
     
     
      get
      to
      live
      this
      employment
      dream,
      since
      I’m
      not
      one
      of
      their
     
     
      clones.
      Oh
      well.
     
    

    
     
      Incidentally,
      Australian
      Rules
      Football
      is
      quite
      an
     
     
      entertaining
      sport.
      Well,
      all
      I
      can
      get
      out
      of
      it
      is
      that
      they
      all
      just
     
     
      kill
      each
      other
      for
      the
      ball,
      but
      that’s
      all
      a
      sport
      needs
      to
      be,
     
     
      anyway.
      Now
      ifonly
      they
      had
      Australian
      Rules
      Lawn
      Bowling.
     
     
      Now,
      that
      would
      kick
      tremendous
      amounts
      of
      ass.
      “Oh,
      and
     
     
      what
      an
      exquisite
      bowl
      by
      Geves.
      He
      is
      certainly
      proud
      of
      that
     
     
      one
      folks
      as
      he--oh,
      and
      a
      superb
      punch
      to
      his
      face,
      by
      the
     
     
      retaliating
      Jenkins.”
      That
      would
      become
      more
      popular
      than
     
     
      football
      in
      a
      second.
     
    

    
     
      But,
      man,
      did
      you
      ever
      see
      this
      sex
      talk
      show
      that
     
     
      seems
      to
      be
      on
      T.V.
      on
      Sunday
      evenings?
      I
      must
      say
      it’s
      quite
     
     
      intriguing--if
      you
      like
      seeing
      a
      90
      YEAR
      OLD
      LADY
      talk
     
     
      about
      sex,
      that
      is.
      I
      don’t
      know,
      call
      me
      crazy,
      but
      observing
      a
     
     
      senior
      citizen
      giving
      caller
      advice
      on
      anal
      intercourse
      just
      isn’t
     
     
      something
      that
      really
      turns
      my
      crank.
      Man,
      it’s
      disgusting.
      But
     
     
      what
      would
      really
      be
      cool,
      is
      if
      O.J.
      Simpson,
      as
      his
      new
      source
     
     
      of
      employment,
      took
      over
      her
      position
      as
      a
      sex
      talk
      person.
      Just
     
     
      because
      his
      slogan
      would
      be:
      “Worried?
      Confused?
      Scared?
     
     
      Take
      O.J.’s
      advice.
      OR
      HE’LL
      KILL
      YOU.”
      That
      would
      be
     
     
      quite
      cool.
     
    

    
     
      And
      another
      thing
      that
      would
      kick
      generous
      portions
      of
     
     
      ass
      that
      I’ve
      always
      wished
      would
      happen,
      is
      if
      sometime,
     
     
      instead
      of
      poking
      the
      Pillsbury
      Doughboy
      in
      the
      stomach,
     
     
      someone
      just
      hauled
      off
      and
      punched
      him.
      Nothing
      says
      anxiety
     
     
      release
      like
      that,
      man.
      That
      thing
      is
      annoying.
      It
      could
      be
      the
     
     
      devil,
      actually.
      You
      never
      know.
      And
      speaking
      of
      cloning,
      all
      I
     
     
      can
      say
      is
      I’m
      glad
      there’s
      not
      two
      of
      them.
      Oh
      yeah,
      and
      also
     
     
      speaking
      of
      cloning,
      I
      guess
      I
      was
      ironically
      sorta
      supposed
      to
     
     
      mainly
      speak
      of
      that
      subject
      in
      this
      here
      article
      thingy.
      Oh
      dear.
     
     
      Now
      where
      was
      my
      mind.
      In
      my
      clone,
      I
      guess.
      Mwhaa
      hoo
     
     
      hoo
      ha
      ha
      ha
      ha
      ha
      ha
      ha
      ha
      ha
      ha
      ha
      ha
      ha
      ha
      ha
      ha
      ha
      ha.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ...l0dd
      MacLean
      is
      not
      really
      a
      clone.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      By
      FINLEY
      MARTIN
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
      battle
      that
      many
     
     
      sports
      analysts
      predict
      could
     
     
      be
      a
      preview
      to
      the
      Intramural
     
     
      “B”
      Division
      Basketball
      Final
     
     
      took
      place
      last
      Tuesday
      night.
     
     
      The
      Five
      Year
      Planand
      Dream
     
     
      Team
      4
      took
      to
      the
      court
      in
      an
     
     
      all
      out
      defensive
      battle
      for
      an
     
     
      important
      mental
      edge
      over
     
     
      the
      other
      team.
      The
      FYP,
     
     
      unbeaten
      since
      December
      ‘96
     
     
      were
      without
      two
      of
      its
     
     
      players:Dave
      Christian
      and
     
     
      Rick
      Millard.
      Dream
      Team
      4
     
     
      had
      suffered
      only
      one
      loss
      this
     
     
      semester
      but
      had
      only
      beaten
     
     
      FYP
      by
      2
      points
      in
      their
      last
     
     
      meeting.
      The
      resulting
      match
     
     
      was
      close
      throughout
      much
      of
     
     
      the
      game.
      Unfortunately
      The
     
     
      Five
      Year
      Plan,
      with
      a
      bench
     
     
      of
      only
      one,
      could
      not
      keep
     
     
      pace
      enough
      in
      the
      second
      half.
     
     
      The
      final
      score
      was
      57
      to
      48
     
     
      for
      Dream
      Team
      4.
     
    

    
     
      In
      other
      news,
      the
      Five
     
     
      Year
      Plan
      Cultural
      Centre
      was
     
     
      turned
      into
      a
      scientific
      experi-
     
     
      ment
      over
      the
      February
      Break.
     
     
      The
      Centre
      was
      converted
      into
     
     
      a
      mini
      bio-dome
      where
      the
     
    
   
   
    
     
      March
      11,
      1997
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FYP
      team,
      Head
      Coach
      Mr.
     
     
      Hands,
      and
      Spiritual
      Advisor
     
     
      and
      Relationship
      Counsellor
     
     
      Greg
      Fraser
      were
      required
      to
     
     
      stay
      for
      an
      entire
      week.
      The
     
     
      participants
      were
      not
      permit-
     
     
      ted
      to
      have
      contact
      with
      any-
     
     
      body
      outside
      Centre
      nor
      was
     
     
      the
      outside
      world
      permitted
      to
     
     
      have
      any
      contact
      with
      the
      par-
     
     
      ticipants.
      The
      project
      was
     
     
      developed
      to
      measure
      mental
     
     
      and
      physical
      endurance
      as
      well
     
     
      as
      observing
      social
      groups
      in
     
     
      their
      natural
      habitat.
      Acting
     
     
      team
      spokesman
      Dave
      Chris-
     
     
      tian
      commented
      “We
      felt
      that
     
     
      it
      was
      [the
      FYP’s]
      duty
      to
      help
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ‘further
      scientific
      advance-
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ments.
      By
      taking
      part
      in
      this
     
     
      project,
      we
      have
      made‘a
      social
     
     
      contribution
      that
      won’t
      go
      un-
     
     
      noticed
      by
      the
      world.”
      Results
     
     
      of
      the
      project
      are,
      as
      of
      yet,
     
     
      inconclusive.
     
    

    
     
      For
      more
      info
      on
      the
     
     
      Five
      Year
      Plan,
      check
      out
      our
     
    
   
   
    
     
      website
      at
      http://
     
     
      www.peionline.com/fep
     
     
      or
      email
      them
      at
     
    
   
   
    
     
      fanmail@peionline.com
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
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