CHESTER
      S
      CORNE
     
     
      University
      sports
      by
      Alex
      Field
     
    
   
   
    
     
         
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Boxing
      Match
      To
      Bring
      Peace
     
     
      Among
      UPEI
      Students
     
    
   
   
    
     
      do
      so,
      despite
      the
      fact
      that
      the
      referee
      kept
     
     
      insisting
      that
      tackling
      wasn't
      a
      part
      of
      the
     
     
      boxing
      rules,
      but
      Deighan
      showed
      no
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Tyson
      versus
      Hollyfield,
      Foreman
     
     
      versus
      Qawi,
      and
      Ali
      versus
      Frazier,
      these
     
    
   
   
    
     
      War
      Plan
      Shelley
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Brad
      Deighan
      is
      a
      third
      year
      philos-
     
     
       ophy
      major
      here
      at
      UPEI
      whose
      interests
     
     
      include
      reading,
      writing,
      walking,
      and
      drooling
      into
      a
      stainless-steel
      swivel
      chin-cup
     
     
      located
      around
      his
      not
      yet
      broken
      lower
      jaw.
      This
      5'8"
      bean-pole
      weighs
      in
      at
      140
     
     
      pounds,
      and
      when
      asked
      before
      the
      match
      about
      his
      training
      measures
      his
      sunken
      eyes
      lit
     
     
      up
      and
      he
      softly
      exclaimed,
      "Well,
      I've
      been
      reading
      quite
      a
      lot
      of
      Nietzsche
      as
      of
      late,
     
     
      writing
      various
      papers
      on
      the
      Hobbesian
      state
      of
      nature,
      a
      little
      Huxley
      to
      back
      him
      up,
     
     
      and
      all
      the
      while
      I've
      been
      specifically
      excluding
      all
      of
      that
      ‘Mutual
      Aid’
      garbage
     
     
      Kropotkin
      likes
      to
      drone
      on
      about
      and...
      yeah
      I
      think
      I'm
      ready
      for
      this
      fight.
      I'm
      ready
     
     
      for
      this
      fight!
      Grrrrrr...owl!"
     
    

    
     
      Deighan
      also
      explained
      that
      he'd
      been
      training
      against
      some
      very
      tough
      steel
     
     
      chairs
      down
      at
      the
      Wave,
      learning
      new
      techniques
      and
      working
      on
      various
      new
      ways
      to
     
     
      achieve
      extensive
      body
      energy
      sustainment.
      He's
      also
      been
      running
      the
      stairs
      in
      the
      Main
     
     
      Building
      and
      working
      on
      his
      cardiovascular
      fitness.
      Sadly,
      he
      often
      cries
      the
      name
      "T.J.,"
     
     
      whose
      death
      a
      few
      years
      ago
      upset
      the
      chemical
      balance
      within
      his
      mind,
      which
      forces
      ~
     
    
   
   
    
     
      are
      some
      of
      the
      greatest
      boxing
      matches
      in
     
     
      history.
      And
      now
      a
      new
      fight
      can
      be
      place
     
     
      among
      these
      great
      battles;
      Deighan
      versus
     
     
      MacNeill.
      These
      two
      finely-toned
      competi-
     
     
      tors
      faced
      off
      this
      past
      Friday
      March
      21
      in
     
     
      a
      boxing
      match.
     
    

    
     
      The
      match
      between
      Brad
      Deighan
     
     
      and
      Shelley
      MacNeill
      was
      created
      as
      a
     
     
      means
      to
      bring
      peace
      between
      the
      women
     
     
      and
      men,
      and
      has
      been
      promoted
      with
      the
     
     
      title
      "Operation
      Sexes
      Freedom."
     
    

    
     
      Deighan
      began
      the
      fight
      by
      taking
     
     
      the
      opportunity
      to
      address
      the
      audience
      to
     
     
      explain
      the
      reason
      why
      this
      boxing
      match
     
     
      was
      necessary.
     
    

    
     
      When
      the
      match
      finally
      got
     
     
      underway
      Deighan
      began
      by
      tackling
     
     
      MacNeill
      to
      the
      ground,
      and
      continued
      to
     
    
   
   
    
     
      respect
      to
      the
      official,
      as
      he
      punched
      the
     
     
      ref
      in
      the
      face.
     
    

    
     
      When
      they
      to
      competitors
      finally
     
     
      got
      to
      the
      fight,
      they
      took
      turns
      exchang-
     
     
      ing
      punches.
      Things
      seemed
      bad
      for
     
     
      MacNeill,
      who
      took
      a
      punch
      to
      the
      mouth,
     
     
      which
      cut
      her
      lip.
      MacNeill
      was
      able
      to
     
     
      regain
      her
      composure
      and
      began
      to
      attack
     
     
      Deighan
      with
      a
      fury
      of
      upper
      cuts
      and
     
     
      jabs
      in
      the
      final
      couple
      of
      minutes
      of
      the
     
     
      five
      minute
      match.
     
    

    
     
      In
      the
      end,
      MacNeill
      was
      declared
     
     
      the
      winner
      of
      the
      match,
      despite
      her
     
     
      bloody
      mouth,
      and
      lack
      of
      breath.
      This
     
     
      battle
      had
      clearly
      worn-out
      both
      fighters.
     
     
      Note:
      This
      event
      started
      as
      a
      battle
      of
      the
     
     
      sexes,
      and
      ended
      as
      a
      war
      protest.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Moment
      of
      Truth
      Speech
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Standing
      in
      the
      ring
      wearing
      dress
     
     
      pants,
      a
      dress
      shirt
      nicely
      complemented
     
     
      with
      an
      Irving
      Oil
      tie,
      and
      headgear
      cling-
     
     
      ing
      tightly
      to
      his
      head
      -
      perhaps
      a
      little
      too
     
     
      tightly
      -
      Deighan
      read
      a
      copy
      of
      a
      speech
     
     
      he
      had
      written
      in
      justification
      for
      his
     
     
      actions.
      After
      getting
      almost
      a
      quarter
      of
     
     
      the
      way
      through,
      the
      audience
      booed
      and
     
     
      cursed
      at
      him
      to
      shut
      up,
      where
      he
      simply
     
     
      tried
      to
      raise
      the
      noise
      of
      his
      voice
      to
     
     
      outdo
      the
      noise
      of
      the
      impatient
      audience.
     
     
      Here
      is
      a
      copy
      of
      that
      speech:
     
    

    
     
      "My
      fellow
      citizens,
      events
      on
     
     
      Campus
      have
      now
      reached
      the
      final
      day
      of
     
     
      decision.
      For
      more
      than
      one
      week,
      I
      have
     
     
      pursued
      patient
      and
      honorable
      efforts
      to
     
     
      disarm
      Shelley
      MacNeil,
      of
      her
      chemical
     
     
      and
      biological
      weapons
      of
      mass
      destruc-
     
     
      tion.
      This
      amassment
      includes
      such
      dan-
     
    
   
   
    
     
      gerous
      chemical
      and
      biological
      weapons
      as
     
     
      fingers,
      fists,
      arms,
      legs...
      and
      even
      feet.
     
     
      Some
      of
      these
      weapons
      have
      an
     
     
      extended
      range
      of
      up
      to
      700,
      or
      even
      900
     
     
      millimeteres
      -
      enough
      to
      launch
      an
      attack
     
     
      on
      such
      body
      parts
      as
      the
      face,
      the
      stom-
     
     
      ach,
      the
      kidneys...and
      possibly
      even
      the
      _
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Shelley
      has
      refused
      to
      fully
      com-
     
     
      ply
      with
      inspectors
      and
      remove
      these
     
     
      maybe-existing-but-maybe-not-even-that
     
     
      weapons,
      from
      her
      premises.
      Shelley
      has
     
     
      also
      refused
      mankind
      the
      unlimited
      access
     
     
      of
      these...
      private,
      secret,
      hidden,
      premises.
     
     
      Instead,
      Shelley
      has
      decided
      to
      continue
      on
     
     
      with
      her
      hidden
      games,
      and
      with
      her
      non-
     
     
      compliance
      with
      UNderwear
      inspectors.
     
     
      Not
      only
      is
      Shelley
      not
      complying,
      but
      she
     
     
      continues
      to
      act
      as
      brutal
      dictator
      of
      her
     
    
   
   
    
     
      him
      into
      a
      great
      deal
      of
      situations
      he'd
      rather
      not
      be
      in.
     
    

    
     
      When
      asked
      whether
      he
      was
      worried
      about
      the
      upcoming
      match
      Deighan
     
     
      replied,
      "well
      I
      mean,
      Shelley's
      a
      rough
      girl,
      she's
      tough...
      but
      at
      the
      same
      time
      I'd
      gotten
     
     
      my
      Nietzsche
      down
      pretty
      good
      and
      Hobbes
      has
      really
      helped
      me
      out
      a
      lot
      with
      this
      and
     
     
      so
      no,
      I
      really
      wasn't
      all
      that
      worried,
      but
      maybe
      I
      should
      have
      been."
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Shelley
      MacNiel
      is
      a
      second
      year
      business
      major
      here
      at
      UPEI
      whose
      interests
     
     
      include
      training
      hard
      for
      rugby,
      drinking
      hard
      for
      rugby,
      and
      eating
      solid
      metal
      church
     
     
      railings
      in
      loving
      religious
      memory
      of
      George
      "The
      Animal"
      Steel.
      This
      vicious
      5'7"?
     
     
      rugby
      player
      weights
      in
      at
      over
      200Ibs
      and
      has
      this
      to
      say;
      "200lbs?!
      You're
      fucking
     
     
      dead,
      Brad,
      because
      that's
      not
      even
      funny."
      However,
      the
      writer
      of
      this
      article
      would
     
     
      specifically
      like
      to
      say
      that
      Mr.
      Deighan
      did
      not
      have
      anything
      to
      do
      with
      this
      writing,
     
     
      and
      especially
      not
      about
      the
      200lbs
      comment
      Shelley
      so
      please
      don't
      get
      angry
      and
      hurt
     
     
      really
      badly
      again
      just
      like
      on
      Friday
      because
      I
      know
      he
      likes
      to
      joke
      around
      and
      that's
     
     
      no
      reason
      to
      want
      to
      hurt
      him
      on
      purpose,
      I
      mean,
      come
      on,
      what
      gives
      if
      it's
      all
      in
      good
     
     
      fun
      right
      Shelley
      because
      you
      know
      it
      is
      and...
     
    

    
     
      Shelley's
      training
      for
      this
      fight
      included
      extensive
      rugby
      work-outs,
      games
      and
     
     
      tournaments.
      Along
      with
      this,
      Shelley
      had
      been
      self-inflicting
      various
      knife
      wounds
      into
     
     
      her
      body
      to
      prepare
      her
      body
      for
      any
      of
      the
      possible
      pains
      and
      rigours
      of
      the
      upcoming
     
     
      match.
      When
      asked
      for
      a
      quote
      before
      the
      match,
      Shelley
      told
      reporters
      that
      she
      had
      no
     
     
      weapons
      of
      mass
      destruction,
      but
      if
      Brad
      was
      to
      attack,
      she
      would
      fight
      until
      the
      end.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      body
      parts,
      forcing
      them
      into
      game
      after
     
     
      game
      of
      women's
      rugby,
      forcing
      them
      to
     
     
      attend
      class
      after
      class,
      and
      to
      do
      assign-
     
     
      ment
      after
      assignment.
      Along
      with
      forcing
     
     
      her
      body
      parts
      into
      dangerous
      situations
      on
     
     
      and
      off
      the
      field,
      she
      also
      repeatedly
      uses
     
     
      poisonous
      toxins
      upon
      her.
      own
      organs
     
     
      while
      here
      at
      the
      Wave,
      and
      continues
      to
     
     
      build
      upon
      her
      weapons
      of
      mass
      destruc-
     
     
      tion.
     
    

    
     
      I
      have
      given
      ample
      time
      for
     
     
      Shelley
      to
      show
      good
      faith
      just
      as
      I
      have
     
     
      already
      done,
      yet
      this
      good
      faith
      has
      not
     
     
      been
      returned.
      Instead
      of
      drifting
      along
     
     
      toward
      tragedy,
      I
      will
      set
      a
      course
      toward
     
     
      safety,
      by
      bombing
      Shelley
      with
      my
      fists.
     
     
      Before
      the
      day
      of
      horror
      can
      come,
      before
     
     
      it
      is
      too
      late
      to
      act,
      this
      danger
      will
      be
     
     
      removed.
     
    

    
     
      As
      I
      enforce
      the
      just
      demands
      of
     
     
      our
      Campus,
      I
      will
      also
      honor
      the
      deepest
     
     
      commitments
      of
      our
      University.
      I
      believe
     
    
   
   
    
     
      that
      women
      everywhere
      are
      deserving
      and
     
     
      capable
      of
      human
      liberty.
      Once
      Shelley
      has
     
     
      been
      crushed,
      she
      can
      set
      an
      example
      to
      all
     
     
      the
      women
      of
      a
      vital
      and
      peaceful,
      and
     
     
      male-dominated-but-still-equality-based-
     
     
      sex.
      What
      we
      are
      looking
      for
      is
      freedom
     
     
      and
      equality
      between
      the
      sexes,
      and
      this
     
     
      can
      not
      be
      achieved
      until
      Shelley
      and
      her
     
     
      allies
      have
      been
      disarmed
      of
      their
      chemical
     
     
      and
      biological
      weapons,
      and
      put
      under
      the
     
     
      equality
      driven
      rule
      of
      man
      -
      their
      fingers,
     
     
      their
      hands,
      their
      arms,
      their
      feet,
      and
      even
     
     
      their
      legs,
      must
      go.
      I
      will
      not
      stop,
      until
     
     
      even
      my
      pancreas,
      is
      safe.
     
    

    
     
      That
      is
      the
      future
      we
      choose.
      Men
     
     
      have
      a
      duty
      to
      defend
      themselves
      by
      unit-
     
     
      ing
      against
      the
      sort-of-possibly-maybe-
     
     
      some-day-but-not-yet-actually,
      violent
     
     
      females.
      And
      tonight,
      I
      accept
      that
      respon-
     
     
      sibility.
     
    

    
     
      Good
      night,
      and
      may
      God
      contin-
     
     
      ue
      to
      bless
      Mankind.
      Ah,
      Human...
      kind.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      page
      [19]
      March
      26
      2003