The
     
    
   
   
    
     
      LocatIONn:
      Pals
      Sports
      Bar.
     
    

    
     
      COVER
      CHARGE:
      Three
      bucks
      after
     
     
      11:00,
      or
      something.
     
     
      WHAT
      YOU
      MIGHT
      FIND:
     
     
      cover
      bands,
      dance
      music.
     
     
      WHY
      SHOULD
      YOU
      GO:
      It’s
      a
      bar...
      on
     
     
      the
      Trans
      Canada
      Highway!
      It’s
      locat-
     
     
      ed
      in
      a
      strip
      mall
      next
      to
      where
     
     
      Robin’s
      Donuts
      used
      to
      be
      and
      it’s
     
     
      always
      bumpin’.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Karaoke,
     
    
   
   
    
     
      So,
      my
      job
      is
      to
      write
      a
      col-
     
     
      umn
      about
      the
      sex
      life
      of
      thirty-some-
     
     
      things
      in
      New
      York
      City
      .
      .
      .
      oh
      shit,
     
     
      no
      wait.
      That’s
      Sarah
      Jessica
      Parker’s
     
     
      job
      on
      Sex
      and
      the
      City.
      My
      job
      is
      to
     
     
      review
      bars
      in
      Charlottetown.
      Damn,
      I
     
     
      gotta
      cut
      back
      on
      my
      pitcher
      con-
     
     
      sumption.
     
    

    
     
      This
      week
      we
      visit
      Pals
      Sports
     
     
      Bar.
      If
      they
      made
      a
      movie
      about
      this
     
     
      place
      it
      would
      be
      called
      Girl
      Fight.
      It
     
     
      is
      called
      a
      sports
      bar,
      but
      the
      only
     
     
      sports
      going
      on
      inside
      are
      foxy
      boxing
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Adventures
      of
      Drunken
      Dragon
     
     
      by
      Marc
      MacDONALD
     
    
   
   
    
     
      and
      female
      wresting.
      I
      have
      only
      been
     
     
      there
      a
      few
      times,
      and
      every
      time
      I
      go,
     
     
      there
      have
      been
      fights
      between
      two
     
     
      females.
      Even
      a
      girl
      roughing
      up
      a
      guy
     
     
      in
      the
      parking
      lot
      (I
      can’t
      take
      mom
     
     
      anywhere!).
     
    

    
     
      Pals
      is
      a
      bit
      of
      an
      enigma.
      It
      is
     
     
      located
      on
      the
      outskirts
      of
      town
      on
     
     
      Highway
      2,
      next
      to
      some
      stores
      and
     
     
      motels,
      but
      it
      constantly
      attracts
      a
      big
     
     
      crowd.
      They
      serve
      a
      niche
      market
      I
     
     
      guess.
      From
      the
      look
      of
      the
      pick-up
     
     
      trucks,
      you’d
      expect
      a
      total
      red-neck
     
     
      crowd
      with
      nothing
      but
      O.G.
      Garth
     
     
      Brooks
      bumpin
      out
      da
      shit,
      but
      they
     
     
      don’t
      really
      play
      that
      country
      music
     
     
      there.
      They
      sometimes
      get
      cover
     
     
      bands
      and
      on
      the
      weekends
      they
      usu-
     
     
      ally
      play
      Myronsesque
      dance
      music.
     
    

    
     
      I
      think
      the
      one
      big
      attraction
      is
     
     
      the
      karaoke
      lady.
      She
      is
      always
      there.
     
     
      She
      might
      live
      there
      for
      all
      I
      know.
     
     
      And
      there
      is
      always
      karaoke.
      A
      few
     
     
      “professionals”
      go
      to
      karaoke
      every
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Fuck
      what
      ya
      heard.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Cinephile
      tried
      to
      get
      my
      drunk
      ass
      out
      of
      his
      parking
      spot.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      week
      and
      try
      to
      get
      signed
      by
      crooning
     
     
      old
      Patsy
      Cline
      songs
      or
      new
      country
     
     
      hits.
     
    

    
     
      Pal’s
      is
      not
      for
      everybody.
     
     
      However,
      if
      you
      stop
      by
      occasionally,
     
     
      there
      is
      a
      lot
      of
      potential
      for
      a
      fun
     
     
      time.
      Just
      get
      twisted
      with
      a
      bunch
      of
     
     
      friends
      and
      instead
      of
      tipping
      the
      wait-
     
     
      ress,
      buy
      a
      scratch
      and
      win
      ticket
      for
     
     
      sale
      at
      the
      bar
      (tell
      the
      waitress
      you’ll
     
     
      split
      the
      winnings
      50/50
      Nicholas
     
     
      Cage-style,
      like
      in
      that
      movie
      where
     
     
      he
      won
      the
      fucking
      lotto).
      There
      are
      a
     
     
      few
      pool
      tables
      to
      keep
      bored
      people
     
    
   
   
    
     
      from
      starting
      fights,
      and
      you
      can
      buy
     
     
      pizza
      there
      as
      well.
      On
      a
      really
      good
     
     
      night,
      you
      might
      want
      to
      crawl
      over
      to
     
     
      the
      Wal-Mart
      parking
      lot
      after
      you
     
     
      drink
      your
      face
      off
      at
      Pal’s,
      and
      ride
     
     
      down
      the
      hill
      in
      a
      shopping
      cart.
      Or
     
     
      you
      could
      carefully
      walk
      across
      the
     
     
      highway
      and
      test
      out
      the
      farm
      equip-
     
     
      ment
      in
      the
      Leisure
      World
      parking
      lot.
     
     
      You
      might
      as
      well.
      You’ll
      never
      get
     
     
      the
      opportunity
      to
      operate
      a
      back-hoe
     
     
      when
      drinking
      downtown.
     
    

    
     
      Who
      needs
      friends
     
     
      you’ve
      got
      Pal’s?
     
    
   
   
    
     
      when
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Yo,
      Leisure
      World’s
      across
      the
      street.
      Let’s
      get
      some
      beads.
      Unh.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Be
      eS
      a
      me
      OS
      2
      ite
      &
      te
      He
     
    
   
   
    
     
      8
     
    
   
   
    
     
      RH
      Hee
      ROR
      Ae
      es
      de
      ae
      Bt