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      Kim
      Eveleigh
     
     
      Contributor
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      As
      a
      young
      child
      I
      always
     
     
      dreaded
      the
      night,
      specifically
      bed
      time.
     
     
      I
      developed
      a
      rather
      rotten
      routine.
     
     
      Every
      night
      I
      would
      linger
      at
      the
      kitchen
     
     
      table
      spooning
      my
      bowel
      of
      soggy
     
     
      shreddies,
      hoping
      I
      could
      cleverly
     
     
      maintain
      complete
      consciousness
      and
     
     
      escape
      having
      to
      spend
      the
      night
      in
     
     
      solitary
      confinement.
     
    

    
     
      Unfortunately
      my
      mother,
      with
     
     
      her
      intuitive
      mind,
      quickly
      caught
      on,
      and
     
     
      realized
      that
      I
      was
      just
      attempting
      to
     
     
      avoid
      the
      inevitable.
      A
      5-10
      minute
     
     
      struggle
      would
      ensue
      consisting
      of
     
     
      screaming,
      kicking
      and
      the
      occasional
     
     
      bite,
      which
      always
      resulted
      in
      me
      lying
     
     
      in
      the
      dark
      feeling
      defeated
      and
      scared
     
     
      shitless.
      One
      may
      ask,
      ‘why
      on
      earth
     
     
      would
      someone
      not
      want
      to
      go
      to
      bed?’
     
    

    
     
      Well
      [ll
      tell
      you.
      I
      was
     
     
      tormented
      by
      night
      terrors!
      I
      was
     
     
      visited
      frequently
      by
      Splinter
      the
      bath
     
     
      robe
      wearing
      over
      grown
      rat
      from
      the
     
     
      Ninja
      Turtle,
      UFO’s,
      and
      a
      man
      who
     
     
      claimed
      that
      he
      would
      pop
      my
      head
      off
     
     
      with
      an
      ice
      cream
      scoop.
      Luckily
      at
     
     
      the
      age
      of
      10
      (well
      actually
      12)
      I
      left
     
     
      my
      gnarly
      night
      episodes
      behind
      —
      or
     
     
      sol
      thought!
      ~
     
    

    
     
      In
      September
      I
      moved
      into
     
     
      Bernadine
      Hall
      along
      with
      my
      very
      good
     
     
      friend
      (who
      shall
      remain
      nameless)
      and
     
     
      present-day
      roommate.
      Everything
      was
     
     
      great
      until
      the
      time
      came
      to
      go
      to
      sleep,
     
     
      when
      what
      I
      thought
      I
      had
      rid
      myself
      of
     
     
      as
      a
      child
      came
      back
      in
      full.
      I
      was
      faced
     
     
      yet
      again
      with
      night
      woes;
      however,
     
     
      night
      woes
      of
      a
      much
      different
      kind!
     
     
      The
      first
      night,
      which
      marked
      the
     
     
      beginning
      of
      the
      many
      debacles,
      began
     
     
      with
      me
      crawling
      into
      bed
      and
      drifting
     
     
      off
      into
      the
      land
      of
      nod,
      only
      to
      be
     
    
   
   
    
     
      What
      Goes
      Bump
     
    
   
   
    
     
      woken
      abruptly
      to
      the
      unrelenting
      voice
     
     
      of
      my
      roomie.
     
    

    
     
      “Kim,
      Kim,
      Kim!”
      she
      cried.
     
     
      “The
      telephone
      is
      for
      you!”’
      I
      turned
      to
     
     
      face
      the
      gleaming
      numbers
      of
      my
      alarm
     
     
      clock
      -
      3:00
      am.
      I
      quickly
      retrieved
     
     
      the
      phone
      from
      her
      hand
      to
      answer
      it.
     
     
      I
      said
      hello
      only
      to
      receive
      the
      rephy
      of
     
     
      a
      Steady
      dial
      tone.
      I
      looked
      over
      at
      my
     
     
      roommate
      questioningly
      only
      to
      find
      that
     
     
      she
      was
      sound
      asleep.
      The
      next
      day
      I
     
     
      confronted
      her
      about
      the
      phantom
     
     
      phone
      call,
      and
      she
      looked
      at
      me
     
     
      puzzled.
      She
      didn’t
      even
      recall
      being
     
     
      awake
      the
      whole
      night.
      Thinking
      that
      it
     
     
      was
      an
      isolated
      incident
      I
      didn’t
      bother
     
     
      to
      argue
      with
      her.
     
    

    
     
      A
      few
      nights
      passed
      and
      once
     
     
      again
      at
      3:00am
      I
      awoke
      to
      the
      sound
     
     
      of
      my
      roommate’s
      voice.
      I
      sat
      up
      inmy
     
     
      bed
      and
      winced
      in
      the
      dark
      in
      her
     
     
      direction.
      She
      was
      sitting
      up
      straight
      in
     
     
      her
      bed
      clawing
      frantically
      at
      the
      wall.
     
     
      “Tt’s
      time
      to
      go,”
      she
      said,
      and
      then
     
     
      began
      clawing
      at
      the
      wall
      like
      a
      caged
     
     
      animal.
      “I
      can’t
      get
      out,
      I
      can’t
      get
      out,”
     
     
      she
      shrieked.
      I
      told
      her
      to
      stop
      acting
     
     
      like
      a
      weirdo
      and
      like
      a
      scene
      from
      the
     
     
      exorcist
      she
      violently
      threw
      herself
     
     
      against
      the
      pillow.
      I
      asked
      her
      if
      she
      was
     
     
      alright
      and
      when
      she
      failed
      to
      answer,
      I
     
     
      was
      so
      freaked
      out
      I
      actually
      got
      up
      to
     
     
      investigate.
      When
      I
      approached
      her
     
     
      bed
      to
      take
      a
      closer
      look
      she
      had
      her
     
     
      eyes
      closed
      and
      was
      snoozing
      away.
     
    

    
     
      As
      the
      weeks
      pass
      here
      at
     
     
      Bernardine
      events
      like
      these
      have
      been
     
     
      occurring
      randomly
      with
      absolutely
      no
     
     
      warning.
      I’ve
      had
      intriguing
     
     
      conversations
      with
      my
      roommate
     
     
      ranging
      from
      cookies,
      to
      the
      psychic
     
    
   
   
    
     
      power
      she
      believes
      she
      possesses,
      only
     
     
      to
      have
      her
      deny
      they
      ever
      happened
     
     
      in
      the
      morning.
      I’ve
      awakened
      in
      the
     
     
      early
      morning
      to
      find
      my
      roommate
     
     
      folding
      laundry,
      rooting
      through
      closets,
     
     
      or
      simply
      standing
      over
      me
      and
      staring
     
     
      blankly
      offinto
      space.
      Random
      objects
     
     
      have
      been
      going
      missing,
      which
      most
     
     
      have
      been
      recovered,
      but
      in
      bizarre
     
     
      locations
      (For
      example,
      the
      remote
     
     
      went
      M.I.A.
      for
      roughly
      a
      week.
      I
     
     
      found
      it
      when
      I
      was
      cleaning
      my
      closet
     
     
      nestled
      in
      a
      pair
      of
      underwear).
     
    

    
     
      However,
      these
      events
      pale
      in
     
     
      comparison
      to
      the
      next
      installment
      of
     
     
      my
      roommate’s
      obvious
      late
      night
     
     
      psychosis.
      I
      was
      dreaming,
      a
      very
     
     
      happy
      dream,
      you
      know
      the
      kind
      with
     
     
      the
      fluffy
      bunnies
      planting
      carrots
      when
     
     
      all
      of
      a
      sudden
      a
      thick
      smog
      rolled
      in
     
     
      preventing
      inhalation
      and
      slowly
     
     
      smothering
      me.
      I
      then
      frantically
      awoke
     
     
      to
      find
      I
      actually
      couldn’t
      breathe.
      I
     
     
      pulled
      a
      purple
      fleece
      blanket
      that
      had
     
     
      been
      tightly
      wrapped
      around
      my
      head
     
     
      away
      from
      my
      face
      just
      in
      time
      to
      save
     
     
      my
      life
      and
      see
      my
      roommate
      scuttle
     
     
      across
      the
      room
      and
      back
      into
      her
      bed.
     
     
      I
      threw
      the
      blanket
      across
      the
      room
      at
     
     
      my
      roommate
      and
      once
      again
      she
      was
     
     
      unresponsive
      in
      peaceful
      slumber!
     
    

    
     
      The
      incidents
      have
      not
     
     
      subsided.
      I
      am
      still
      subject
      to
      my
     
     
      roommate’s
      nocturnal
      lunacy.
      I
      now
     
     
      am
      sleep
      deprived
      and
      have
      one
      eye
     
     
      open
      at
      all
      times,
      and
      keep
      the
      remote
     
     
      as
      well
      as
      the
      closest
      thing
      I
      own
      to
      a
     
     
      weapon
      (my
      trusty
      can
      opener)
      under
     
     
      my
      pillow,
      because
      I
      never
      know
      when
     
     
      or
      what
      my
      roommate
      will
      do
     
     
      unconsciously.
      I
      can
      honestly
      say
      that
     
     
      even
      though
      my
      roommate
      doesn’t
      look
     
     
      or
      act
      like
      a
      giant
      rat
      that
      knows
      karate
     
     
      I
      find
      her
      far
      more
      terrifying!
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Continued
      from
      page
      9
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      horoscopes,
      Sagittarius!
      So
      what
      are
     
     
      you
      doing
      reading
      this
      one?
      Just
     
     
      curious,
      are
      you?
      Well,
      you’ve
      got
      the
     
     
      right
      attitude.
      You
      have
      to
      always
      keep
     
     
      an
      open
      mind
      in
      this
      life,
      or
      one
      day
     
     
      you
      will
      wake
      up
      to
      a
      vast
      and
     
     
      mysterious
      outside
      world
      and
      find
      you
     
     
      are
      all
      alone
      in
      it.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Capricorn
      (December
      22-January
      19):
     
     
      “Cleanliness
      is
      next
      to
      godliness,”
      said
     
     
      the
      great
      English
      novelist,
      Charles
     
     
      Dickens.
      Do
      you
      know
      what
      is
      meant
     
     
      by
      these
      words,
      Capricorn?
      I
      think
      it
     
     
      means
      that
      when
      your
      life
      and
     
     
      surroundings
      are
      kept
      clean,
      tidy,
      and
     
     
      in
      good
      order
      it
      is
      possible
      to
      function
     
     
      to
      the
      best
      of
      one’s
      ability.
      And
      in
     
     
      functioning
      to
      the
      best
      of
      one’s
      ability,
     
     
      one
      is
      capable
      of
      superhuman,
      almost
     
     
      godlike
      feats.
      As
      for
      how
      to
      attain
      and
     
     
      keep
      cleanliness
      in
      your
      life,
      I
      prescribe
     
     
      the
      following
      mantra:
      Simplify,
      simplify,
     
     
      simplify!
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Aquarius
      (January
      20-February
      18):
     
     
      What
      would
      you
      do
      with
      one
      billion
     
     
      dollars,
      Aquarius.
      Don’t
      jump
      to
      any
     
     
      conclusions
      now.
      I
      want
      you
      to
      consider
     
     
      for
      amoment
      this
      quote
      by
      writer
      Ivan
     
     
      Illich:
      “Man
      must
      choose
      whether
      to
      be
     
     
      rich
      in
      things
      or
      in
      the
      freedom
      to
      use
     
     
      them.”
      Now,
      although
      the
      author
      failed
     
     
      to
      mention
      women,
      there
      is
      still
      great
     
     
      wisdom
      in
      his
      words.
      Take
      them
      with
     
     
      you
      next
      time
      you
      go
      to
      the
      mall
      or
      are
     
     
      asked
      what
      you
      want
      for
      Christmas.
      Be
     
     
      sure
      not
      to
      clutter
      up
      your
      life
      with
     
     
      things
      you
      don’t
      need.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Pices
      (February
      19-March
      20):
      “Art,”
     
     
      said
      late
      Russian
      writer
      Vladimir
     
     
      Mayakovsky
      ,
      “‘is
      not
      a
      mirror
      to
      reflect
     
     
      the
      world,
      but
      a
      hammer
      with
      which
      to
     
     
      shape
      it.”
      I
      want
      you
      to
      reflect
      on
      this
     
     
      insight,
      Pices.
      You
      are
      at
      a
      place
      right
     
     
      now
      where
      you
      have
      the
      ability
      to
      tap
     
     
      in
      to
      a
      great
      inner
      well
      of
      creativity.
      It
      is
     
     
      important
      that
      you
      are
      brave
      enough
      to
     
     
      let
      it
      out,
      for
      in
      doing
      so
      you
      will
      develop
     
     
      your
      capacity
      to
      change
      the
      world.
     
     
      Please,
      share
      your
      vision
      with
      us!