The iCadre, Trioveazbef  1:976 page 6. 
     
    
   
   
    
     snonsas 
     
    
   
   
    
     Solving'the residence blues 
     
    
   
   
    
     by John Mean-lg, the Gauntlet 
     
     reprinted lrorn the Queen's Journal 
     
    

    
     if, after two months you still look 
     
     at your room-mate and say to 
     
     yourself, “Why me?", then you 
     
    
   
   
    
     have a problem — how to let your . 
     
    
   
   
    
     room-mate know he’s leaving. This 
     
     may be a difficult thing to doif you 
     
     are not on speaking terms. it is not 
     
     the type of thing you like to break 
     
     to him in a casual note attached to 
     
     his bags out in the hall. 
     
    

    
     The problem is that room-mates 
     
     are not normally matched as well 
     
     as they might be. If you will recall 
     
     that when you applied to residence 
     
     at university, you were required to 
     
     fill out a form and to enclose a pic- 
     
     ture of yourself. This is probably 
     
     where you bombed out. Unless you 
     
     cut your picture out of an Eaton’s 
     
     catalogue it was probably not 
     
     enough to save you from serving a 
     
     one year term with your room- 
     
     mate. Any defect will trigger an 
     
     equal and opposite reaction in the 
     
     selection of your room-mate. In 
     
     other words your room-mate is an 
     
     inverse function of your enclosed 
     
     photograph (which seems only 
     
     fair). If your eyes appear dark and 
     
     beleagured, then you will be slated 
     
     to live with an insomniac. 
     
    

    
     To get rid of your room-mate 
     
     you must disgust him, alarm him, 
     
     repel him, and totally revolt him 
     
     remembering that it is important to 
     
     stay on favourable terms with him. 
     
    
   
   
    
     There are several obvious op- - 
     
    
   
   
    
     tions open to you: 
     
    

    
     a. Bring about an emotional 
     
     breakdown by constant ridicule 
     
     and abuse. \ _ 
     
     induce fits of depression 
     
    

    
     All of the above. 
     
    

    
     Homicide. 
     
    
   
   
    
     999“ 
     
    
   
   
    
     Any one method could be effec- 
     
     tive if you play on his fears, slander 
     
     his ideals and harp on his inade- 
     
     quacies through same gross form 
     
     of malpractice. You should, 
     
     however, be careful not to hurt his 
     
     feelings. 
     
    

    
     One method which is popular 
     
     and a lot of fun is the “conniption” 
     
     method. This works on the princi- 
     
     ple that it is better to have him 
     
     leave on his own accord then to 
     
     have him lay the blame on you. 
     
     Starting at the soonest possible 
     
     moment in which you are in his 
     
     presence, move your wrist and any 
     
     two fingers'ln a circular motion for 
     
     several seconds. Repeat this every 
     
     seven minutes until your room- 
     
     mate asks you what you are doing. 
     
     Without responding, try cutting the 
     
    
   
   
    
     time in half to three and a half 
     
    
   
   
    
     guess 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     How to rid youf of I an unWant 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     minutes per conniption. If this 
     
     method does not at least get him 
     
     on his feet and packing, then you 
     
     are living with a sick, sick man. 
     
     There is no guarantee that any 
     
     given method will drive your room- 
     
     mate out, but the ‘skitso’ technique 
     
     is a fairly good bet. This method 
     
     must be initiated in the early 
     
     months of residency as these are 
     
     the wonder monthsin which your 
     
     room-mate is still forming his basic 
     
     conceptions of where he is and 
     
     who you are, and probably having 
     
     a hard time answering both 
     
    
   
   
    
     questions. Here is a sample of this ~ 
     
    
   
   
    
     technique being used to its best 
     
     advantage in a recent dialogue 
     
     between room-mates during the 
     
    
   
   
    
     . first days of fresh week: 
     
    
   
   
    
     Mr. Roomie: Hi, my name is Bill, 
     
     what is yours. 
     
    

    
     Mr. X: My name is Frank. 
     
    

    
     Mr. Roomie: That's nice Frank . . . 
     
     do you' remember what i told you 
     
    
   
   
    
     about my name being Bill, well, I 
     
     was just kidding. 
     
    
   
   
    
     Mr. X: Oh, really. 
     
    

    
     Roomiez'Well, my name is Ralph." 
     
     X: Okay. whatever you say. i 
     
     Roomie: l'm glad we straightened 
     
     that out. You can call me Sid. 
     
    

    
     X: What? 
     
    

    
     Roomie: Hey, Frank, l’m an air- 
     
     planeand l'm going to land on your 
     
     back . . . 
     
    

    
     X: Bye, bye. 
     
    

    
     This method is both severe and 
     
     damaging andtherefore should be 
     
     uSed discriminateiy. It is 
     
     recommended that a less harsh 
     
    
   
   
    
     method be used unless you are ab- - 
     
    
   
   
    
     soluter certain that you have at 
     
    
   
   
    
     ,least a mild dislike for the person 
     
    
   
   
    
     you are living with. . 
     
     The beauty 'of the so-called 
     
     “skitso” method is its lasting effect. 
     
     The impact ofsuch an encounter 
     
     will not only be sufficient to chase 
     
     your room-mate out, it ’may well 
     
     haunt him for the rest of his univer- 
     
    
   
   
    
     sity career. The probabilities of his . 
     
    
   
   
    
     returning are slight unless he is a 
     
     bear for punishment (or is bigger 
     
    
   
   
    
     than you). . .._ . _., .— . . 
     
    
   
   
    
     The probi 
     
    
   
   
    
     ' elimination z» 
     
    
   
   
    
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