The
      Adventures
      of
      Drunken
      Dragon
     
     
      by
      Marc
      MacDONALD
     
    
   
   
    
     
      LOCATION:
      Breakers
     
    

    
     
      COVER
      CHARGE:
      Zero
      for
      females
      at
      all
     
     
      times,
      Zero
      for
      men
      unless
      there
      is
      a
     
     
      band.
     
    

    
     
      WHAT
      YOU
      MIGHT
      FIND:
      Pool,
      karaoke,
     
     
      live
      music,
      wing
      night,
      dance
      or
      rock
     
     
      music.
     
    

    
     
      DRINK
      PRICES:
      $1.75
      for
      vodka
      on
     
     
      Thurs.
      Beer/Rum&Coke
      —
      $3.00,
     
     
      $3.75
      after
      9pm.
      Special
      (White
     
     
      Russian)
      —
      $4.
     
    

    
     
      PATRONS:
      This
      place
      is
      busy
      most
     
     
      nights
      of
      the
      week
      with
      jocks,
      college
     
     
      kids,
      middle
      aged
      rednecks,
      chicks,
     
     
      bikers,
      amateur
      vocalists,
      and
      pool
     
     
      enthusiasts
      comprising
      its
      regulars.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      This
      week,
      the
      ADD
      takes
      me
     
     
      to
      Breakers.
      Word
      on
      campus
      is
      that
     
     
      The
      Cadre’s
      own
      Cinephile
      has
      been
     
     
      mesmerizing
      audiences
      at
      Breakers
     
     
      with
      his
      high
      energy
      karaoke
      croon-
     
     
      ing/dancing,
      so
      I
      had
      to
      check
      this
      out
     
     
      for
      myself.
      I
      was
      the
      Sober
      Dragon
      on
     
     
      this
      occasion
      because
      I
      had
      a
      damn
     
     
      sociology
      test
      the
      next
      morning.
      My
     
     
      friggin’
      education
      is
      getting
      in
      the
      way
     
     
      of
      my
      drinking
      and
      writing
      career.
      But
     
     
      I
      took
      the
      time
      out
      of
      my
      busy
      sched-
     
     
      ule
      on
      this
      night
      to
      soak
      in
      the
      atmos-
     
     
      phere
      at
      Breakers
      and
      catch
      the
     
     
      Cinephile’s
      performance.
      Apparently
     
     
      there
      is
      a
      karaoke
      competition
      going
     
     
      on,
      and
      there
      is
      a
      grand
      in
      prizes
      to
      be
     
    
   
   
    
     
      won.
      Since
      the
      Cinephile
      has
      been
     
     
      “Burning
      Down
      the
      House”
      with
      his
     
     
      David
      Byrne
      impressions
      and
      balls-to-
     
     
      the-walls
      performances,
      I
      was
      hoping
     
     
      to
      help
      cheer
      on
      the
      little
      shrimp
      on
     
     
      his
      quest
      for
      the
      karaoke
      equivalent
      to
     
     
      Olympic
      Gold.
     
    

    
     
      Breakers
      is
      an
      interesting
     
     
      place,
      to
      say
      the
      least.
      It
      used
      to
      be
     
     
      called
      Snooker
      World,
      but
      they
     
     
      changed
      it
      for
      some
      reason.
      The
      owner
     
     
      drives
      a
      Hummer
      (legend
      has
      it
      that
      it
     
     
      is
      the
      only
      one
      on
      this
      miserable
      sand
     
     
      bar).
      Breakers
      is
      also
      Charlottetown’s
     
     
      “Asia
      Minor,”
      as
      it
      is
      at
      the
      crossroads
     
     
      and
      in
      the
      middle
      of
      our
      small
      little
     
     
      bar
      district.
      People
      like
      this
      place
      for
     
     
      two
      reasons.
      Some
      see
      it
      as
      a
      place
      to
     
     
      go
      if
      they
      can’t
      get
      into
      Myron’s;
      oth-
     
     
      ers
      see
      it
      as
      a
      place
      to
      go
      before
      they
     
     
      go
      to
      Myron’s.
      My
      brother
      hangs
      out
     
     
      there,
      because
      his
      girlfriend
      gets
      free
     
     
      drinks
      from
      all
      the
      older
      men
      hitting
     
     
      on
      her.
      Don’t
      mind
      if
      I
      do.
      It
      saves
      him
     
     
      money
      and
      she
      certainly
      ain’t
      going
     
     
      home
      with
      one
      of
      those
      man-skanks.
     
    

    
     
      Breakers
      seems
      to
      be
      full
      of
     
     
      middle
      aged
      men
      and
      twenty-some-
     
     
      thing
      girls.
      But
      on
      this
      particular
      night
     
     
      it
      hosts
      a
      wide
      range
      of
      characters.
     
     
      There
      are
      steroid-pumped/testicle-
     
     
      shrunken
      muscle
      men
      in
      gym
      shirts,
     
     
      guys
      who
      have
      their
      own
      pool
      cues
     
     
      which
      they
      carry
      in
      a
      case,
      a
      bald
      guy
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Coolbreeze
      rocked
      the
      karaoke
      mic
      to
      “Jumping
      Jack
      Flash.”
     
    
   
   
    
     
      [10]
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Cinephile’s
      karaoke
      version
      of
      “Roxanne”
      was
      almost
      as
      good
      as
      Puffy’s.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      with
      a
      shirt
      that
      says
      “Just
      Do
      Me,”
     
     
      and
      a
      girl
      with
      the
      Playboy
      bunny
      logo
     
     
      on
      her
      chest.
      There
      are
      also
      college
     
     
      kids
      and
      amateur
      vocalists
      trying
      out
     
     
      for
      the
      “Prince
      Edward
      Island
     
     
      Karaoke
      contest.”
      Karaoke
      night
      con-
     
     
      tributes
      to
      the
      collage
      of
      characters
      at
     
     
      Breakers.
     
    

    
     
      The
      bar
      features
      a
      wide
      vari-
     
     
      ety
      of
      events
      to
      entertain
      the
      various
     
     
      personalities
      that
      frequent
      it.
      There
      is
     
     
      a
      large
      selection
      of
      pool
      tables,
     
     
      “Coyote
      Ugly”
      night
      (cough
      cough),
     
     
      wing
      night,
      karaoke,
      ladies’
      night,
      and
     
     
      Haywire’s
      Paul
      MacAusland.
     
    

    
     
      The
      main
      attraction
      at
     
     
      Breakers
      is
      its
      bartenders.
      Personally
      I
     
     
      think
      the
      bar,
      pardon
      my
      French,
     
     
      pimps
      them
      by
      having
      them
      partici-
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Cinephile’s
      pleases
      the
      crowd.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      pate
      in
      “Coyote
      Ugly”
      night,
      putting
     
     
      their
      pictures
      all
      over
      the
      wall,
      and
     
     
      featuring
      them
      in
      their
      advertising.
      I
     
     
      suspect
      this
      place
      only
      hires
      Gold
      Cup
     
     
      and
      Saucer
      Girls.
     
    

    
     
      It
      is
      a
      good
      time
      to
      be
      young
     
     
      and
      drunk
      in
      Charlottetown
      because
     
     
      all
      the
      bars
      are
      competing
      to
      get
      yo’
     
     
      ass
      in
      their
      place
      with
      a
      variety
      of
     
     
      gimmicks
      and
      events.
      Some
      may
      be
     
     
      cheesy,
      but
      at
      least
      there
      is
      a
      selection
     
     
      of
      things
      to
      do.
      Karaoke
      night
      had
     
     
      some
      cheese,
      skill,
      laughs,
      and
      fun.
     
     
      There
      were
      the
      typical
      karaoke
      clichés
     
     
      like
      that
      Grease
      song
      and
      “A
      little
     
     
      ditty
      ‘bout
      Jack
      and
      Dianne.”
      Some
     
     
      other
      cats
      managed
      to
      start
      off
      sound-
     
     
      ing
      like
      the
      artist
      they
      were
      singing
     
     
      only
      to
      lose
      it
      by
      the
      middle
      of
      the
     
     
      song.
      Finally
      there
      were
      some
      amaz-
     
     
      ing
      performances
      worthy
      of
      the
      Rock
     
     
      and
      Roll
      Hall
      of
      Fame:
      Cinephile’s
     
     
      “Roxanne”
      and
      “Out
      My
      Back
      Door”,
     
     
      Coolbreeze’s
      rendition
      of
      “Jumping
     
     
      Jack
      Flash”
      and
      Eric
      B’s
      eery
      version
     
     
      of
      Will
      Smith’s
      “Boom
      Shake
      the
     
     
      Room”
      which
      the
      local
      Platinum
      Thug
     
     
      threw
      down
      without
      even
      looking
      at
     
    
   
   
    
     
      the
      lyrics.
      Coolbreeze
      and
      I
      were
     
    
   
   
    
     
      going
      to
      sing
      Coolio’s
      “Gangsta’s
     
     
      Paradise,”
      but
      I
      had
      to
      go
      home
      and
     
     
      get
      ready
      for
      my
      midterm.
      Maybe
      next
     
     
      week.