16
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Fact
      &
      Opinion
     
     
      by
      Stephan
      Macleod
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Some
      lions
     
     
      mate
      over
      50
      times
      a
     
     
      day.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Most
     
     
      Australians
      say
      the
     
     
      word
      “Mate”
      over
      50
     
     
      times
      a
      day.
     
     
      Coincidence?
      I
      think
     
     
      not.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Butterflies
     
     
      taste
      with
      their
      feet.
     
     
      OPINION:
     
     
      Butterfinger
      chocolate
     
     
      bars
      taste
      like
      feet.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      A
      pig’s
      orgasm
     
     
      lasts
      for
      30
      minutes.
     
     
      OPINION:
      Miss
      Piggy
     
     
      gets
      Jiggy
      for
      half
      an
     
     
      hour?
      No
      wonder
     
     
      Kermit
      gets
      nervous
     
     
      when
      Piggy
      is
      horny.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
     
     
      McDonalds
      at
      the
     
     
      SkyDome
      in
      Toronto,
     
     
      Ontario
      is
      the
      only
      one
     
     
      in
      the
      world
      that
      sells
     
     
      hot
      dogs.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Snoop
     
     
      Doggy
      Dogg
      is
      the
     
     
      spokesman
      for
      the
     
     
      SkyDome’s
      McDoggs.
     
     
      In
      ads
      for
      the
      product
     
     
      he
      grabs
      a
      McDogg
     
     
      and
      says,
      “Jeah,
      I’m
     
     
      gonna
      do
      a
      187
      on
      this
     
     
      beotch”
      and
      then
      he
     
     
      washes
      it
      down
      with
      a
     
     
      Mc40.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      A
      bowling
      pin
     
     
      only
      has
      to
      tilt
      7.5
     
     
      degrees
      in
      order
      to
      fall
     
     
      down.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      If
      you
      saw
     
     
      great
      big
      balls
      coming
     
     
      towards
      you
      at
      top
     
     
      speed,
      it
      wouldn’t
      take
     
    
   
   
    
     
      much
      to
      make
      you
      fall
     
     
      down.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Jerry
     
     
      Seinfeld’s
      apartment
     
     
      number
      (on
      the
      show)
     
     
      is
      5A.
      In
      the
      old
     
     
      episodes
      it
      was
      3A.
     
     
      OPINION:
      He
      moved
     
     
      up
      to
      5A
      in
      order
      to
     
     
      get
      closer
      to
      that
      male
     
     
      slut,
      Kramer.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      life
      span
     
     
      of
      a
      taste
      bud
      is
      ten
     
     
      days.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      It
      may
      be
     
     
      your
      bud,
      but
      don’t
     
     
      get
      too
      friendly.
      Any
     
     
      relationship
      you
      form
     
     
      with
      your
      taste
      bud
     
     
      will
      only
      end
      in
      tears
     
     
      after
      ten
      memorable
     
     
      days.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      shortest
     
     
      commercial
      ever
      was
     
     
      only
      4
      frames
      of
      a
     
     
      second.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
     
     
      Homeboys
      be
      frontin’
     
     
      on
      my
      short
     
     
      commercial,
      but
      I
     
     
      don’t
      care,
      really
      doe.
     
     
      It’s
      not
      the
      size,
      but
     
     
      how
      you
      use
      it,
      sucka.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      A
      stretched
     
     
      out
      Slinky
      is
      87
      feet
     
     
      long.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      If
      you
     
     
      give
      a
      kid
      a
      spring
     
     
      that
      is
      87
      feet
      long
     
     
      and
      call
      it
      a
      toy,
      you
     
     
      shouldn’t
      be
      surprised
     
     
      if
      they
      take
      out
      their
     
     
      aggression
      by
     
     
      shooting
      their
     
     
      classmates.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      hundred
     
    
   
   
    
     
      billionth
      Crayola
     
     
      crayon
      was
     
     
      Perriwinkle
      Blue.
     
     
      OPINION:
      This
     
     
      crayon
      was
      from
     
     
      Crayola’s
      latest
     
     
      “Colours
      of
      the
      Homo
     
     
      Rainbow”
      collection.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      A
      group
      of
     
     
      kangaroos
      is
      called
      a
     
     
      mob.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Kangaroos
     
     
      have
      pouches
      so
      they
     
     
      can
      conceal
      their
     
     
      weapons
      and
      avoid
     
     
      any
      static
      from
      the
     
     
      fuzz.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      A
      group
      of
     
     
      whales
      is
      called
      a
      pod.
     
     
      OPINION:
      A
      whale
     
     
      porn
      star
      is
      called
     
     
      Moby
      Dick.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      police
      get
      confused
     
     
      when
      a
      group
      of
     
     
      ravens
      get
      murdered.
     
     
      Not
      because
      it
      would
     
     
      be
      called
      a
      “murder
      of
     
     
      murders,”
      but
      because
     
     
      it’s
      hard
      to
      imagine
     
     
      why
      someone
      would
     
     
      kill
      such
      a
      beautiful,
     
     
      exotic
      bird.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      A
      group
      of
     
     
      bears
      is
      called
      a
      sleuth.
     
     
      OPINION:
      They
      are
     
     
      not
      as
      good
      at
      solving
     
     
      crimes
      as
      you'd
     
     
      expect.
      Bears
      can’t
     
     
      seem
      to
      tell
      the
     
     
      difference
      from
     
     
      someone
      who
      is
      dead
     
     
      or
      just
      playing
      dead
      so
     
     
      they
      won’t
      eat
      him.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      In
      the
      October
     
     
      22,
      1945
      edition
      of
     
     
      Life
      magazine
      there
     
     
      was
      a
      picture
      of
      a
     
     
      chicken
      with
      its
      head
     
     
      cut
      off.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
     
     
      Gentleman’s
      Quarterly
     
     
      voted
      the
      headless
     
     
      chicken
      sexiest
      man
      of
     
     
      the
      year
      in
      1997.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      average
     
     
      garden-variety
     
     
      caterpillar
      has
      248
     
     
      muscles
      in
      its
      head.
     
     
      OPINION:
      The
     
     
      average
      musclehead
     
     
      has
      a
      penis
      the
      size
      of
     
     
      a
      caterpillar
      as
      a
      result
     
     
      of
      using
      steroids.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Pinocchio
      was
     
     
      made
      of
      pine.
     
     
      OPINION:
      Pine
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      A
     
     
      group
      of
     
     
      geese
      is
     
     
      called
      a
     
     
      gaggle.
     
     
      OPINION:
     
     
      A
      gaggle
      of
     
     
      geese
      sure
     
     
      can
      destroy
     
     
      a
      nice
      walk
     
     
      by
      the
      lake
     
     
      if
      they
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Kangaroos
      have
     
     
      pouches
      so
      they
     
     
      can
      conceal
      their
     
     
      weapons
      and
      avoid
     
     
      any
      static
      from
      the
     
     
      fuzz.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      scented
      floor
     
     
      cleaners
      are
      made
     
     
      out
      of
      Pinocchio’s
     
     
      sweat.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      A
      mule
     
     
      won’t
      sink
      in
     
     
      quicksand
      but
      a
     
     
      donkey
      will.
     
     
      OPINION:
      I’m
      not
     
     
      sure
      about
      horses,
     
     
      but
      I'll
      find
      out
      as
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      decide
      to
     
     
      honk
      obscenities
      at
     
     
      your
      girlfriend.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      A
      group
      of
     
     
      owls
      is
      called
      a
     
     
      parliament.
     
     
      OPINION:
      That
      can’t
     
     
      be
      true.
      Besides
      Jean
     
     
      Chretien’s,
      there
      are
     
     
      hardly
      any
      hooters
      in
     
     
      the
      House
      of
     
     
      Commons.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      A
      group
      of
     
     
      ravens
      is
      called
      a
     
     
      murder.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      I
      bet
      the
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      12
      or
      more
     
    
   
   
    
     
      cows
      are
      called
      a
      flink.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      OPINION:
      I
      call
      12
     
     
      cows
      or
      more
      a
      milk
     
     
      shake...no
      that’s
      what
     
     
      I
      call
      12
      cows
      or
      more
     
     
      in
      an
      earthquake.
      ..oh
     
     
      forget
      it.
      I’m
      thirsty.
      I
     
     
      need
      a
      big
      glass
      of
     
     
      cow
      juice.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      A
      baby
      oyster
     
     
      is
      called
      a
      spat.
     
     
      OPINION:
      A
      bearded
     
     
      oyster
      can
      be
      found
      at
     
     
      most
      nude
      beaches.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      soon
      as
      I
      can
      trick
     
    
   
   
    
     
      “one
      into
      walking
      in
     
    
   
   
    
     
      some
      quicksand.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Alfred
     
     
      Hitchcock
      had
      no
      belly
     
     
      button
      for
      it
      was
     
     
      eliminated
      during
     
     
      surgery.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      The
     
    
   
   
    
     
      -
      master
      of
      suspense
     
    
   
   
    
     
      also
      had
      his
      nipples
     
     
      removed
      during
      the
     
     
      same
      operation.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      There
      are
      22
     
     
      stars
      in
      the
      Paramount
     
    
   
   
    
     
      logo.
      :
     
     
      OPINION:
      There
      are
     
    
   
   
    
     
      "3
      stars
      in
      the
      Three
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Amigos.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      average
     
     
      human
      produces
     
     
      10,000
      gallons
      of
     
     
      saliva
      ina
      lifetime.
      *
     
     
      OPINION:
      That’s
     
     
      enough
      spit
      to
      put
      on
     
     
      at
      least
      a
      dozen
      rub-on
     
     
      tattoos.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      A
      quarter
      has
     
     
      119
      grooves
      around
     
     
      the
      edge.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      The
      next
     
     
      time
      you
      see
      a
     
     
      homeless
      man,
      don’t
     
     
      give
      him
      a
      quarter.
     
     
      Keep
      it
      for
      yourself
     
     
      because
      quarters
      are
     
    
   
   
    
     
      “groovy.”
      e
     
     
      FACT:
      A
      dime
      has
     
     
      118
      ridges
      around
      the
     
     
      edge.
     
     
      OPINION:
      Wow,
      they
     
     
      must
      be
      worth
      a
     
     
      fortune!
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Cranberry
      Jell-
     
     
      o
      is
      the
      only
      kind
      that
     
     
      contains
      real
      fruit.
     
     
      OPINION:
      Michael
     
     
      Flatly
      flavored
      Jell-o
      —
     
     
      doesn’t
      exist...yet.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      plastic
     
     
      things
      on
      the
      end
      of
     
     
      shoelaces
      are
      called
     
     
      aglets.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Aglets?
     
     
      And
      to
      think,
      all
      this
     
     
      time
      I
      called
      them
      “the
     
     
      little
      plastic
      shoe
     
     
      bastards.”
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      pound
     
     
      sign
      #
      is
      called
     
     
      anoctothorpe.
     
     
      OPINION:
      It
      was
     
     
      named
      after
      Dr
     
     
      Anoctothorpe,
      the
     
     
      inventor
      of
      phone
      sex.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FIN