Aries
      (March
      21-April
      19)
     
    
   
   
    
     
      You
      feel
      extensively
      drunk
      with
      power
      this
     
     
      week.
      But
      this
      feeling
      will
      shift
      toward
      the
      end
     
     
      of
      the
      week
      upon
      your
      realization
      that
      you’ve
     
     
      spent
      an
      extensive
      amount
      of
      your
      student
      loan
     
     
      at
      the
      bootlegger’s
      two
      apartments
      down
      from
     
     
      yours.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Taurus
      (April
      20-May
      20)
     
    
   
   
    
     
      You
      will
      be
      bombarded
      by
      sales
      clerks
      all
      week
     
     
      long
      and
      their
      painfully
      annoying
      "Can
      |
      help
     
     
      you
      find
      something
      today?”
      even
      though
      you
      are
     
     
      pretty
      sure
      you
      could
      help
      yourself
      if
      they
      would
     
     
      give
      you
      the
      space
      to
      actually
      walk
      to
      the
      prod-
     
     
      uct.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Gemini
      (May
      21-June
      20)
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
      increased
      cost
      of
      a
      parking
      pass
      seems
      to
     
     
      prevent
      you
      from
      driving
      your
      SUV
      to
      school.
     
     
      The
      extra
      $30
      would
      have
      covered
      at
      least
      one
     
     
      day
      of
      gas
      consumption.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Cancer
      (June
      21-July
      22)
     
    
   
   
    
     
      This
      week
      you
      decide
      to
      try
      to
      reinvent
      the
     
     
      world
      you
      live
      in.
      You
      aren't
      the
      only
      one
      who
     
     
      thinks
      that
      you
      can
      save
      the
      rainforest
      by.
     
     
      switching
      from
      toilet
      paper
      to
      owls
      (hey,
      they
     
     
      would
      rather
      be
      shitty
      than
      homeless).
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Leo
      (July
      23-Aug
      22)
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Upon
      waking
      up
      you
      ascertain
      that
      you
      have
     
     
      gone
      blind
      overnight.
      You
      are
      suddenly
      over-
     
     
      whelmed
      but
      also
      disgusted
      once
      you
      recog-
     
     
      nize
      that
      you
      somehow
      have
      a
      pair
      of
      under-
     
     
      wear
      covering
      your
      face.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Virgo
      (Aug
      23-Sept
      22)
     
    

    
     
      The
      stars
      are
      projecting
      that
      you
      will
      probably
     
     
      buy
      anything
      that
      they
      advertise.
      And
      so
      is
      the
     
     
      marketing
      department.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Libra
      (Sept
      23-Oct
      22)
     
    
   
   
    
     
      You
      observe
      that
      things
      are
      falling
      apart.
      The
     
     
      air
      is
      contaminated,
      species
      are
      going
      extinct,
     
    
   
   
    
     
      global
      warming
      seems
      to
      be
      unstoppable.
      But
     
     
      the
      biggest
      problem
      is
      that
      a
      P.E.I.
      winter
      isn't
     
     
      that
      far
      away.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Scorpio
      (Oct
      23-
      Nov
      21)
     
    
   
   
    
     
      You
      suddenly
      realize
      that
      nothing
      exists
      outside
     
     
      the
      dominant
      logic
      of
      capitalism.
      But
      you're
      too
     
     
      busy
      being
      caged
      in
      your
      cubicle
      and
      getting
      fed
     
     
      McFood
      to
      actually
      do
      anything
      about
      it.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Sagittarius
      (Nov
      22-Dec
      21)
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Your
      protesting
      of
      forcing
      the
      library
      to
      merge
     
     
      with
      Blockbuster
      seems
      to
      have
      hit
      a
      road
      block.
     
     
      The
      free
      use
      of
      books
      seems
      ok
      but
      the
      watching
     
     
      of
      movies
      for
      free
      causes
      Manny
      Perry
      to
      voice
     
     
      the
      fact
      that
      movies
      ARE
      really
      worth
      it.
     
     
      Capricorn
      (Dec
      22-Jan
      19)
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
      future
      really
      does
      seem
      to
      be
      X-rated
      and
      so
     
     
      are
      an
      extensive
      amount
      of
      the
      magazines
      that
     
     
      are
      in
      your
      bathroom
      reading
      material.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Aquarius
      (Jan
      20-Feb
      18)
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Using
      the
      excuse
      of
      having
      caught
      mad
      cow
      dis-
     
     
      ease
      on
      your
      prof
      will
      for
      some
      reason
      not
     
     
      enable
      you
      to
      have
      an
      extension
      on
      that
      first
     
     
      assignment.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Pisces
      (Feb
      19-March
      20)
     
    
   
   
    
     
      You
      still
      don't
      understand
      the
      relation
      between
     
     
      oranges
      and
      working
      on
      clocks.
      The
      whole
      con-
     
     
      cept
      of
      it
      gives
      you
      pains
      in
      the
      gulliver
      that
      only
     
     
      Stanley
      Kubrick
      could
      understand.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ca
      Il
      st
      op
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      it
      ‘
      stacty
      lenkns
      Ag
      aA,
     
    
   
   
    
     
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      ad:
      and
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      UPEI
      Cadre
      September
      14,
      2004
      page
      5