Didn't
      Your
      Mama
      Ever
     
     
      Tell
      You?
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Apparently
      a
      contest
      took
     
     
      place
      three
      weeks
      ago
      at
      Myron's.
     
     
      This
      contest
      was
      similar
      in
      nature
      to
     
     
      what
      you
      may
      find
      at
      Myron's
      normal-
     
     
      ly
      sponsored
      by
      Tropicana.
      As
      in
      any
     
     
      contest
      there
      were
      winners
      and
      losers.
     
    

    
     
      A
      lewd
      and
      horrendous
      idea
     
     
      manifested
      itself.
      Allegedly
      "Ms.
      G"
     
     
      and
      a
      male
      friend
      come
      up
      with
      the
     
     
      idea
      that
      they
      should
      see
      how
      many
      of
     
     
      the
      opposite
      gender's
      nasty
      bits
      they
     
     
      can
      grab
      before
      they
      leave
      (or
      get
     
     
      escorted
      from)
      the
      premises.
      The
      male
     
     
      contestant
      did
      not
      seem
      to
      have
      as
     
     
      much
      drive
      as
      the
      female.
      Perhaps
      he
     
     
      was
      wary
      of
      the
      physical
      harm
      more
     
     
      likely
      to
      occur
      against
      him
      than
      toward
     
     
      her
      if
      too
      many
      attempts
      to
      "rack
      up
     
     
      some
      numbers"
      were
      made.
      Because
     
     
      of
      this,
      only
      reports
      of
      the
      female's
     
     
      activities
      are
      stated.
     
    

    
     
      One
      of
      her
      victims
      was
      Jared
     
    
   
   
    
     
      By
      Scott
      FLEMMING
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Actual
      photo
      of
      “Ms.
      G”
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Hogg,
      "She
      grabbed
      my
      junk."
      he
      was
     
     
      reported
      to
      have
      said.
      Hurt
      and
      a
      little
     
     
      confused,
      Jared
      lashed
      back
      and
      grilled
     
     
      her
      for
      the
      reason
      of
      such
      an
      act.
      "It's
     
     
      just
      a
      contest",
      she
      said,
      and
      scam-
     
     
      pered
      off.
      Jared
      could
      not
      be
      reached
     
     
      for
      further
      comment,
      and
      is
      assumed
      to
     
     
      still
      be
      recuperating
      from
      "the
      inci-
     
     
      dent."
     
    

    
     
      Apparently
      the
      assailant's
      vic-
     
     
      tims
      numbers
      reached
      as
      high
      as
      23,
     
     
      but
      according
      to
      a
      source,
      "Once
      she
     
     
      stepped
      outside,
      she
      just
      stopped
     
     
      counting."
      One
      can
      only
      guess
      as
      to
     
     
      how
      many
      more
      men
      were
      molested
     
     
      outside
      the
      confines
      of
      the
      dance-bar.
     
    

    
     
      There
      is
      a
      chance
      that
      her
     
     
      intent
      wasn't
      malicious
      and
      that
      this
     
     
      was
      done
      for
      a
      reason.
      In
      theory,
      she
     
     
      could
      have
      been
      concerned
      for
      the
     
     
      affected
      male's
      health.
      I
      later
      dis-
     
     
      missed
      this
      as
      a
      possibility
      when
      I
     
    
   
   
    
     
        
     
     
       
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      =
      Double
      the
      power
      of
      your
      degree
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      (a
      ia
      eaters)
      «
      Sa)
      Sakae
      I
     
    
   
   
    
     
      learned
      that
      none
      of
      the
      molested
      par-
     
     
      ties
      was
      asked
      to
      cough
      when
      the
     
     
      assault
      took
      place.
     
    

    
     
      Come
      to
      think
      of
      it,
      there
      were
     
     
      times
      when
      I
      myself
      was
      molested
      at
      a
     
     
      certain
      bar.
      But
      my
      situation
      was
     
     
      slightly
      different
      as
      I
      fell
      victim
      to
      the
     
     
      "phantom
      grope."
      Yes,
      many
      of
      the
     
     
      readers
      may
      know
      what
      I
      am
      referring
     
     
      to.
      Picture
      this:
      I
      am
      is
      innocently
     
     
      sauntering
      along
      on
      the
      dance
      floor
     
     
      when
      all
      of
      a
      sudden,
      a
      little
      grope-a-
     
     
      roo
      takes
      place.
      Quickly,
      I
      snap
      my
     
     
      head
      around,
      but
      there
      is
      no
      one
      that
     
     
      looks
      to
      be
      a
      guilty
      party.
     
    

    
     
      In
      one
      such
      instance,
      I
      was
     
     
      caressed
      in
      an
      inappropriate
      manner
      on
     
     
      a
      dance
      floor
      and
      didn't
      dignify
      it
      with
     
     
      the
      head-jolt
      to
      find
      out
      who
      it
      was;
     
     
      instead
      I
      ignored
      the
      improper
      behav-
     
     
      iour.
      But
      the
      unthinkable
      happens!
      A
     
     
      second
      grope!
      I
      turn
      around
      as
      quick
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
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      HUMBER
     
    
   
   
    
     
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      gel
      eal?
      poh?
      ae
      eal
      cere
      toate:
     
    
   
   
    
     
      as
      I
      can,
      but
      not
      as
      quick
      as
      a
      hand
      can
     
     
      be
      thrust
      into
      a
      pocket,
      or
      thrown
      to
     
     
      the
      air
      to
      disguise
      itself
      amongst
      the
     
     
      non-defiled
      hands
      of
      its
      cohorts.
     
    

    
     
      A
      short
      time
      ago
      Margaret-
     
     
      Ellen
      Messinger
      explained
      to
      me
      the
     
     
      idea
      of
      a
      "surrogate-groper."
      This
      kind
     
    
   
   
    
     
      of
      assailant
      is
      analogous
      to
      a
      pitch-hit-
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ter.
      When
      Marge
      is
      out
      with
      her
     
     
      friends,
      one
      of
      the
      girls
      likes
      to
      play
     
    
   
   
    
     
      -
      grab-ass
      with
      any
      guy
      that
      comes
      near
     
    
   
   
    
     
      and
      blame
      it
      on
      the
      nearest
      female.
     
     
      Could
      this
      be
      some
      other
      form
      of
      sport
     
     
      or
      contest?
     
    

    
     
      If
      these
      gropes
      are
      not
      legiti-
     
     
      mate,
      are
      there
      contests
      happening
     
     
      everywhere?
      If
      this
      phenomenon
      is
      not
     
     
      as
      rare
      as
      we
      hope
      there
      might
      be
      a
     
     
      market
      for
      anti-groping
      devices...
      or
     
     
      another
      solution
      to
      such
      a
      problem
     
    
   
   
    
     
      _
      could
      be
      to
      KEEP
      YOUR
      HANDS
      TO
     
    
   
   
    
     
      YOURSELF.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
        
     
    
   
   
    
     
      WorkRights.ca
     
    
   
   
    
     
      know
      your
      rights!
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ee
      a
      a