Page
      13
      HUMOUR
      Oct.
      12,
      2006
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dispute
      at
      vending
      machine
      [Time
      flies
      like
      an
      arrow.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      leads
      to
      broken
      leg,
      Fruit
      flies
      like
      a
      banana.’
     
    
   
   
    
     
      testicle
     
     
      Twix],
      they
      could've
      just
      split
      it.
      Groucho
      Ma
      [X
     
     
      By
      Errol
      Richardson
      However
      I'm
      glad
      they
      didn't
     
     
      because
      that
      was
      the
      funniest
      thing
     
     
      A
      dispute
      at
      a
      local
      vending
      ©
      I've
      ever
      seen!"
     
    
   
   
    
     
      machine
      last
      Friday
      lead
      to
      a
      fist
      This
      is
      the
      fourth
      time
      an
      incident
      ‘I
      pu
      t
      a
      d
      O
      |
      I
      a
      [f
      |
      Nn
      a
      C
      h
      a
      Nn
      ge
     
    
   
   
    
     
      fight
      and
      resulted
      in
      a
      broken
      leg
      like
      this
      has
      occurred
      on
      campus
     
    
   
   
    
     
      and
      a
      pair
      of
      shattered
      testicles.
      since
      the
      vending
      machines
      have
      |MM)QC
      h
      |
      ne.
      N
      O
      th
      |
      Nn
      g
      C
      h
      an
      g
      eC
      d
      5
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Ben
      Johnston
      and
      Stephen
      been
      installed,
      although
      so
      far
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ,
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Cudmore,
      both
      UPEI
      students,
      there
      has
      been
      no
      public
      outcry
      to
     
    
   
   
    
     
      came
      to
      a
      stalemate
      when
      the
      ‘have
      the
      machines
      removed.
      i
      Geor
      g
      ©
      Ca
      Lr
      /
      |
      Nn
     
    
   
   
    
     
      vending
      machine
      in
      the
      Kelley
     
     
      |
     
    
   
   
    
     
      lounge
      offered
      only
     
     
      one
      remaining
      Twix
     
     
      Green
      Passes
      Only
      Ae
      gi
     
     
      ae
      CARI
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
         
     
     
          
           
     
     
         
         
     
     
        
        
     
     
        
        
     
     
          
          
     
     
         
         
     
     
        
        
     
     
         
     
     
         
         
     
     
       
        
     
     
          
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
        
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
       
     
     
       
     
     
         
     
     
         
     
     
         
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      hungry
      for
      Twix
     
     
      and
      would
      settle
      for
     
     
      no
      other
      bar.
     
    

    
     
      When
      neither
     
     
      party
      could
      come
      to
     
     
      a
      reasonable
      solu-
     
     
      tion,
      name
      calling
     
     
      ensued.
     
    

    
     
      Johnston
      stated
      he
     
     
      was
      called
      a
      "don-
     
     
      key-raping
      shit-
     
     
      eater,"
      an
      insult
     
     
      made
      famous
      by
     
     
      the
      South
      Park:
     
     
      Bigger,
      Longer
      and
     
     
      Uncut
      and
      said
      he
     
     
      could
      not
      stop
      his
     
     
      instinctive
      reaction
     
     
      of
      testicle
      kicking.
     
    

    
     
      Cudmore's
      testi-
     
     
      cles
      were
      kicked
      so
     
     
      hard
      that
      it
      broke
     
     
      Johnston's
      leg
      in
     
     
      three
      places.
     
    

    
     
      "I
      don't
      eat
      shit
      or
      |
     
     
      rape
      donkeys!"
      said
     
     
      Johnston
      as
      he
      was
     
     
      being
      transported
      to
     
     
      the
      Queen
     
     
      Elizabeth
      Hospital's
     
     
      emergency
      room.
      "I
     
     
      didn't
      even
      get
      my
     
     
      Twix."
     
    

    
     
      When
      asked
      for
     
     
      comment,
      Cudmore
     
     
      stated
      "Ohmigawd!
     
     
      My
      balls!"
      as
      he
     
     
      gripped
      his
      groin
     
     
      and
      sobbed.
     
    

    
     
      "I
      watched
      the
     
     
      whole
      thing
      hap-
     
     
      pen,"
      said
      a
      curious
     
     
      bystander.
      "There's
     
     
      two
      bars
      [in
      a
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      =
     
    
   
   
    
     
      candy
      bar.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Both
      parties
      were
     
     
      Passes
      only
     
     
      A
      Red
      Yasses
      Onhy
      ‘
     
    
   
   
    
     
      oe
      ey
     
     
      Yellow
      Passes
      only
      Yy
     
    
   
   
    
     
      |
      Residence
      only
      :
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Parking
      Meey
     
    
   
   
    
     
      emer
      gen
      cy
     
     
      —
      overF
      low
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Blondes
      and
      Redhead
      s
      rt
      Waee
      Batic.
      oe
     
    
   
   
    
     
      :
      On
      ly
      pee
      es
      ;
      eat
      ek
      eee
      +
     
    
   
   
    
     
      MS
     
    
   
   
    
     
      —
      Secor,
     
    
   
   
    
     
      rete
      Lef+
      handed
      S
      tu
      derts
      oh
     
     
      eo
      :
      Tuesday
      s
      and
      Fri
      day
      arte
      r
      noo
      §
      :
     
     
      .
      On
      [
      Y
      Pee
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ogee
     
    
   
   
    
     
      No
      Packin
      ever
     
    
   
   
    
     
         
     
     
        
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Saati
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      308
      UW.
      's
      6
      wii
     
    
   
   
    
     
      W
      he
      re
      are
      w
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      When
      you
     
     
      the
      Canadian
      Tr.
      omin
      20
     
     
      have
      the
      chance
      to
      joi
      :
      uipe
      qui
      s’emploie
      a
     
     
      maximizing
      internation
      AL
      x
      pour
      assurer
      la
     
    

    
     
      for
      Canada
      to
      succ¢
      nomie
      mondiale.
     
    
   
   
    
     
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