campus
      he
      feels
      that
      metres
      will
     
     
      be
      more
      reliable
      and
      user
     
     
      friendly.
      |
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Parking
      Permits,
      which
      come
     
     
      into
      effect
      September
      15th,
      can
     
     
      be
      purchased
      at
      the
      Parking
     
     
      Kiosk
      in
      the
      W.
      A.
      Murphy
     
     
      Student
      Centre.
      The
      hours
      of
     
     
      operation
      are
      from
      8:45am
      to
     
     
      4:00pm
      from
      Monday
      to
      Friday.
     
     
      Anyone
      with
      concerns
      or
      ques-
     
     
      tions
      should
      contact
      the
     
     
      Security
      and
      Parking
      building
     
     
      for
      more
      information.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Anew
      semester.
      A
      new
      pain
      in
      the
      ass.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      _
      Hey
      jerks.
      My
      name
      is
      Seth
      Shanks
      and
      I
      attend
      this
      so-called
      University.
      I'd
      like
      to
     
     
      start
      off
      by
      telling
      you
      how
      much
      better
      my
      life
      is
      than
      yours.
      I'm
      a
      4th
      year
      business
      stu-
     
     
      dent
      but
      I
      have
      the
      knowhow
      of
      Bill
      Gates
      with
      an
      intellect
      comparable
      to
      Larry
      King.
     
     
      University
      is
      pretty
      useless.
      I
      guess
      you
      could
      say
      I'm
      in
      it
      for
      novelistic
      purposes.
      I
      have
      a
     
     
      girlfriend
      and
      I'm
      not
      going
      to
      lie,
      she's
      very
      hot.
      Almost
      as
      hot
      me,
      well
      not
      really
      but
      she's
     
     
      the
      hottest
      girl
      I
      could
      find,
      so
      she'll
      have
      to
      do
      for
      now.
      I
      currently
      own
      and
      operate
      a
      cus-
     
     
      tomized
      coaster
      making
      business.
      It's
      called
      "From
      coast
      to
      coaster."
      Like
      the
      name?
      My
     
     
      idea,
      of
      course.
      I
      make,
      on
      average,
      about
      nine
      grand
      a
      month.
      It's
      hardly
      enough
      to
      get
      by
     
     
      but
      my
      parents
      give
      me
      a
      pile
      of
      cash
      whenever
      |
      ask
      for
      it.
      Dumb
      suckers.
      I
      live
      on
      water
     
     
      street
      above
      a
      law
      firm.
      It's
      the
      best
      place
      I
      could
      find
      for
      the
      time
      being.
      It's
      expensive.
     
     
      More
      expensive
      than
      yours,
      no
      doubt.
      I
      know
      if
      you
      saw
      it,
      you'd
      be
      jealous.
     
    
   
   
    
     
          
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      So,
      another
      year
      of
      academic
      bull
      junk
      underway.
      I
      hate
      all
      my
      professors
      already.
      I
      should
      be
      teaching
      them.
     
     
      Screw
      classes.
      A
      combination
      of
      ugly
      classmates
      and
      a
      pile
      of
      inutile
      information
      being
      spewed
      at
      me
      equals
      a
      squan-
     
     
      der
      of
      my
      time.
      I
      think
      I'll
      spend
      my
      spare
      time
      hitting
      on
      uncorrupted
      frosh.
      Speaking
      of
      frosh,
      did
      anyone
      see
      those
     
     
      jackasses
      around
      campus
      last
      week?
      They
      all
      ran
      around
      like
      bunch
      of
      monkeys
      on
      smack.
      All
      their
      chanting
      and
      spir-
     
     
      it
      just
      about
      made
      me
      puke.
      Here's
      a
      chant
      for
      you:
      Welcome
      to
      UPEI,
      now
      shut
      the
      hell
      up
      you
      goosey
      little
      weasels.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Parking.
      Don't
      get
      me
      started
      on
      parking.
      Why
      is
      it
      that
      all
      the
      people
      with
      the
      shittiest
      cars
      manage
      to
      park
      in
     
     
      the
      best
      places?
      You
      can
      take
      your
      Hyundais
      and
      Echos
      and
      shove'
      em.
      The
      way
      it
      should
      work
      is
      the
      people
      with
      the
     
     
      most
      expensive
      cars
      get
      the
      best
      parking.
      I'd
      love
      to
      see
      a
      sign
      that
      says
      "
      If
      your
      car
      costs
      less
      than
      $30,000
      it
      will
      be
     
    

    
     
      _
      towed
      at
      owners
      expense
      (Get
      a
      job
      loser)".
      Fortunately,
      I
      took
      care
      of
      my
      parking
      dilemma.
      I
      swiped
      a
      handicap
      pass
     
     
      out
      off
      some
      idiot
      who
      left
      his
      door
      open.
      Hahahaha.
      Some
      people
      are
      so
      bloody
      simple.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Well,
      that's
      all
      for
      today.
      I
      hope
      you
      all
      have
      a
      miserable
      first
      semester.
      If
      you
      see
      me
      on
      campus,
      tell
      me
      what
      you
      think
     
     
      of
      my
      article,
      unless
      you’re
      ugly,
      I
      don't
      speak
      to
      ugly
      people.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Your
      Better,
     
     
      Seth
      Shanks
     
    
   
   
    
     
      UPEI
      Cadre
      September
      14,
      2004
      page
      15