THE
      AIR
      UP
      THERE
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Travelling
      by
      air
      after
      the
     
     
      World
      Trade
      Center
      terrorist
      attacks
      is
     
     
      not
      as
      scary
      as
      you
      would
      think,
      when
     
     
      you
      find
      an
      airline
      that
      is
      still
      in
      busi-
     
     
      ness.
      The
      flight
      over
      and
      back
      had
      all
     
     
      the
      delays,
      increased
      security
      and
     
     
      scrutiny
      I
      was
      expecting,
      but
      not
      even
     
     
      one
      full
      body
      cavity
      search
      was
     
     
      administered.
      In
      a
      lot
      of
      ways,
      I
      was
     
     
      actually
      relieved
      to
      be
      leaving
      North
     
     
      America
      for
      two
      weeks.
      Of
      course,
     
     
      once
      I
      heard
      “President”
      Tony
      Blair
     
     
      blabbing
      on
      the
      BBC
      about
      a
      “new
     
     
      world
      order”
      and
      rampant
      rumours
      of
     
     
      airborne
      anthrax
      spores,
      I
      knew
      I
     
     
      would
      not
      be
      fully
      escaping
      America’s
     
     
      New
      War.
      The
      flight’s
      entertain-
     
     
      ment
      consisted
      of
      a
      lethal
      cocktail
      of
     
     
      Legally
      Blonde
      and
      Evolution.
      I
      must
     
     
      admit
      that
      I
      paid
      five
      bucks
      for
      the
     
     
      circa
      1970s
      orange
      headphones
      before
     
     
      I
      knew
      the
      scheduled
      mind-numbing
     
     
      entertainment.:
      On
      the
      return,
      I
      sat
     
     
      through
      A
      Knights
      Tale
      and
      Shrek,
     
     
      two
      great
      examples
      of
      how
      modern
     
     
      music
      and
      the
      middle
      ages
      can
      be
     
     
      .
      brought
      together
      into
      one.
      THE
     
     
      PLANS
      We
      were
      armed
      with
     
     
      our
      Rough
      Guide
      to
      London
     
     
      (www.roughguides.com)
      and
      Rick
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Seat
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Sale
     
    
   
   
    
     
      London,
      England
     
     
      by
      lain
      K.
      MacLEOD
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Steve’s
      Guide
      to
      Great
      Britain
     
     
      (www.ricksteves.com).
      Between
      the
     
     
      two,
      we’d
      laid
      out
      a
      pretty
      compre-
     
     
      hensive
      and
      reliable
      framework
      for
     
     
      our
      journey.
      The
      former
      gives
      a
      pur-
     
     
      ported
      “hip”
      overlook
      of
      the
      city,
      and
     
     
      the
      latter
      is
      a
      much
      more
      PG
      glimpse.
     
     
      Another
      essential
      piece
      of
      information
     
    
   
   
    
     
      is
      the
      latest
      copy
      of
      Time
      Out
      London
      -
     
    
   
   
    
     
      (www.timeout.com),
      one
      of
      the
      more
     
     
      comprehensive
      travel
      guides.
      It
      helps
     
     
      to
      plan
      your
      precious
      time
      in
      the
      big
     
     
      city.
      Note
      to
      self:
      try
      to
      get
      the
      scoop
     
     
      on
      who’s
      in
      town
      before
      arriving;
      that
     
     
      way
      you
      can
      contact
      a
      ticket
      agent
      and
     
     
      secure
      your
      Ryan
      Adams
      tickets
     
     
      before
      they
      are
      sold
      out.
      It
      appears
      that
     
     
      Europeans
      like
      to
      actually
      buy
     
     
      advance
      tickets,
      unlike
      the
      bulk
      of
     
     
      Maritimers.
      ,
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ST.
      ALBAN’S
     
    
   
   
    
     
      We
      stayed
      ina
      place
      called
      St.
     
     
      Alban’s
      Home
      Base.
      It
      is
      a
      little
      north
     
     
      of
      London,
      only
      a
      ride
      on
      the
     
     
      Thameslink
      away.
      It
      is
      home
      to
      a
      park,
     
     
      a
      moderate
      sized
      cathedral,
      and
      a
     
     
      Wednesday
      market
      where
      you
      can
      get
     
     
      a
      pound
      of
      bananas,
      raw
      meat,
      and
     
     
      cover
      for
      your
      cell
      phone
      for
      under
      a
     
     
      fiver.
      The
      Waffle
      House
      is
      a
      definite
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      “Okay,
      you
      can
      chop
      off
      my
      head,
      but
      only
      if
      |
     
     
      get
      to
      chop
      off
      yours
      when
      you’re
      finished.”
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      must
      see/eat.
      Built
      in
      an
      old
      grist
      mill,
     
     
      the
      place
      serves
      sweet
      and
      savory
      waf-
     
     
      fles.
      Lots
      of
      local
      bars
      have
      references
     
     
      to
      cocks
      (The
      Cock,
      The
      Fighting
     
     
      Cocks,
      etc),
      but
      I
      am
      not
      sure
      it
      is
      sig-
     
     
      nificant.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      I
      GET
      AROUND
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Instead:
      of
      four-way
      stops,
      -
     
    
   
   
    
     
      they
      have
      roundabouts
      and
      most
      peo-
     
     
      ple
      drive
      little
      cars.
      One
      such
      car,
      the
     
     
      Smart
      Car,
      is
      so
      small
      it
      can
      fit
      side-
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ways
      into
      a
      parking
      spot.
      Handy,
      but.
     
     
      you
      can
      kiss
      your
      ass
      goodbye
      if
      you:
     
    
   
   
    
     
      tangle
      with
      a
      large
      Mercedes
      truck
      on
     
     
      an
      M
      series
      highway.
      Someone
      should
     
     
      have
      told
      me
      they
      drive
      on
      the
      wrong
     
     
      side
      of
      the
      road
      out
      here!
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Piccadilly
      Circus
     
     
      is
      neither
      a
      circus
     
     
      nor
      a
      good
      place
     
     
      to
      buy
      pickles.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      It
      was
      easy
      to
      get
      around
      -
     
    
   
   
    
     
      London
      with
      a
      one
      day
      travel
      pass.
     
     
      The
      underground
      can
      be
      a
      combat
     
     
      zone
      at
      rush
      hour,
      but
      during
      the
      day
      it
     
     
      is
      quite
      easy
      to
      maneuver
      around
      and
     
     
      make
      the
      necessary
      transfers
      to
      get
     
     
      across
      town
      with
      minimal
      tube
      rage.
     
     
      There
      is
      also
      adequate
      train
      and
      bus
     
    
   
   
    
     
      [12]
     
    
   
   
    
     
      “I
      see
      London,
      I
      see
      France...no,
      that’s
      just
      London.”
     
    
   
   
    
     
         
     
    
   
   
    
     
      (even
      double
      decker
      ones)
      connec-
     
     
      tions
      to
      get
      you
      to
      Brighton
      (combina-
     
     
      tion
      of
      Old
      Orchard
      beach
      and
      Rodeo
     
     
      Drive),
      Bath
      (where
      Fatboy
      Slim
      was
     
     
      married),
      Stonehenge
      (where
      I
      broke
     
     
      our
      camera),
      Liverpool
      (where
      the
     
    
   
   
    
     
      “founder
      of’
      Wings
      is
      from),
      and
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Blackpool
      (where
      there’s
      a
      replica
      of
     
     
      Coronation
      Street).
      There
      are
      also
     
     
      many
      discount
      airlines
      that
      are
      cheap-
     
     
      er
      than
      admission
      to
      a
      play
      in
      the
      West
     
     
      End.
      A
      ferry
      ride
      down
      the
      Thames
     
     
      proved
      to
      be
      on
      of
      the
      most
     
     
      humourous
      rides,
      with
      a
      guide
      that
     
     
      made
      lots
      of
      jokes
      about
      history
      “and
     
     
      people’s
      knickers.
      If
      you
      have
      the
     
     
      energy,
      there
      are
      many
      walking
      tours
     
     
      as
      well,
      dealing
      with
      ghosts,
      Jack
      the
     
     
      Ripper,
      rock
      ‘n
      roll
      and
      Sherlock
     
     
      Holmes...
     
    
   
   
    
     
      HISTORY:
      IT
      WILL
      COST
      YA
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
      neat
      thing
      about
      historic
     
     
      England,
      unlike
      here,
      is
      that
      instead
      of
     
     
      hearing,
      “a
      few
      hundred
      years
      ago,
     
     
      there
      were
      English
      and
      French
      settle-
     
     
      ments
      here,”
      we
      would
      often
      hear,
      “a
     
     
      few
      thousand
      years
      ago,
      the
      Romans
     
     
      built
      large
      civilizations”
      or
      numerous
     
     
      stories
      of
      wars,
      plagues,
      fires
      and
      mur-.
     
     
      ders.
      Ah,
      the
      good
      ole
      days.
      We
      visit-
     
     
      ed
      the
      Tower
      of
      London,
      which
      isn’t
     
     
      so
      much
      a
      tower'as
      it
      is-a
      fort,
      where
      a