Ask
      the
      Sexy
      Studies
      Religious
      Majors
     
    
   
   
    
     
      by
      George
      and
      John
     
    
   
   
    
     
      4
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
      Hot
      Bitches:
      -
     
     
      What
      colour
      was
      Jesus?
     
    
   
   
    
     
      MJ.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Well
      M.J.
      the
      Bible
      never
      says
     
     
      what
      colour
      Jesus
      was.
      There
      are
      a
     
     
      few
      theories
      floating
      around:
      let
      us
     
     
      look
      at
      a
      few
      of
      them:
     
    
   
   
    
     
      JESUS
      WAS
      WHITE
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Any
      tour
      of
      the
      Vatican
      will
     
     
      make
      it
      abundantly
      clear
      that
      Jesus
     
     
      was
      not
      only
      a
      beef
      cake,
      but
      also
     
     
      white;
      white
      just
      like
      the
      artists
      that
     
    
   
   
    
     
      painted
      him.
      Jesus
      being
      a
      honky
      is
     
     
      confirmed
      by
      a
      reference
      in
      the
      Jewish
     
     
      holy
      book
      the
      Talmud
      (the
      Talmud
      is
     
     
      an
      ancient
      collection
      of
      commentaries
     
     
      on
      the
      Jewish
      scriptures
      and
      other
      reli-
     
     
      gious
      writings).
      The
      Talmud
      claims
     
     
      Jesus
      to
      be
      the
      son
      of
      Panther,
      a
      Greek
     
     
      soldier
      in
      Galilee
      at
      the
      time.
      Early
     
     
      critics
      of
      Christianity
      say
      Mary
      was
     
     
      raped
      by
      Panther
      and
      made
      up
      the
     
     
      whole
      virgin
      birth
      thing
      to
      cover
      up.
     
     
      Christian
      thinkers
      who
      seem
      comfort-
     
     
      able
      with
      a
      white
      Jesus
      say
      Panther
     
     
      was
      Jesus’s
      legitimate
      grandfather;
      the
     
     
      true
      father
      of
      Joseph.
      This
      explanation
     
     
      of
      Jesus’
      parentage
      reconciles
      the
      dif-
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      fering
      genealogies
      (elaborate
      family
     
     
      trees
      that
      trace
      Jesus’s
      descent
      through
     
     
      father
      to
      grandfather
      to
      great
      grandfa-
     
     
      ther
      and
      so
      forth)
      that
      appear
      in
      the
     
     
      Biblical
      books
      of
      Mathew
      (Matthew
     
     
      1:12-16)
      and
      Luke
      (Luke
      3:
      23).
     
    
   
   
    
     
      JESUS
      WAS
      BLACK
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
      geographic
      location
      of
      the
     
     
      Middle
      East
      has
      made
      it
      a
      historical
     
     
      crossroads
      between
      Asia,
      Europe,
      and
     
     
      Africa.
      Many:
      different
      ethnic
      groups
     
     
      have
      lived
      in
      the
      area.
      The
      theory
      that
     
     
      Jesus
      was
      black
      rests
      on
      the
      idea
      that
     
     
      the
      Jewish
      people
      were
      made
      up
      of
      a
     
     
      variety
      of
      ethnic
      groups.
      In
      Ethiopia,
     
     
      there
      is.a
      sizable
      group
      of
      black
      Jews.
     
     
      These
      black
      Jews
      have
      been
      there
      at
     
     
      least
      1,000
      years
      and
      some
      speculate
     
     
      they
      might
      have
      been
      around
      for
      much
     
     
      longer.
      The
      black
      Jews
      may
      have
      emi-
     
     
      grated
      from
      Israel.
      This
      may
      prove
     
     
      that
      at
      one
      time
      there
      was
      a
      sizable
     
     
      group
      of
      black
      Jews
      in
      the
      Middle
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      East.
     
    

    
     
      Some
      believe
      Jesus
      may
      have
     
     
      been
      one
      of
      these
      black
      Jews.
      For
     
     
      proof
      they
      look
      to
      Jesus’s
      genealogies
     
     
      (you
      know,
      the
      same
      genealogies
      that
     
     
      prove
      Jesus
      was
      white).
      The
      ethnicity
     
     
      of
      the
      men
      in
      the
      genealogies
      is
      gener-
     
     
      ally
      accepted
      to
      be
      Middle
      Eastern
      or
     
     
      Semitic.
      However
      some
      of
      the
      women
     
     
      the
      men
      married
      and/or
      had
      children
     
     
      with
      belonged
      to
      a
      racial
      group
      the
     
     
      Jews
      called
      the
      Hamish;
      which
      we
      call
     
     
      African
      or
      black.
      Therefore,
      Jesus
      has
     
     
      at
      least
      some
      black
      blood.
     
    

    
     
      The
      final
      item
      of
      proof
      comes
     
     
      from
      the
      Bible
      itself,
      in
      the
      final
      book
     
     
      of
      the
      New.
      Testament
      called
     
     
      Revelations.
      In
      Revelations
      1:14-15
     
     
      the
      writer
      has
      a
      vision
      of
      Jesus
      where
     
     
      he
      compares
      Jesus’s
      hair
      to
      wool
      and
     
     
      says
      Jesus’s
      feet
      are
      like
      bronze.
      The
     
     
      wool
      reference
      could
      be
      a
      description
     
     
      the
      of
      the
      texture
      and
      look
      of
      a
      black
     
     
      man’s
      hair.
      The
      bronze
      reference
      at
     
     
      least
      indicates
      Jesus
      was
      a
      man
      of
     
     
      colour;
      not
      a
      cracker.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      JESUS
      WAS
      MIDDLE
      EASTERN
     
     
      (SEMITIC)
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Alternatively,
      maybe
      Yeshua
     
     
      (in
      English:
      Jesus)
      having
      a
     
     
      Hebrew
      name,
      attending
      the
      Jewish
     
     
      temple
      —
      looked
      like
      90%
      of
      the
      pop-
     
     
      ulation
      of
      his
      home
      Galilee,
      who
      had
     
     
      Hebrew
      names
      and
      worshipped
      at
      the
     
     
      Temple.
      Both
      of
      the
      genealogies
      have
     
     
      Jesus
      descended
      from
      David,
      the
      great
     
     
      king
      of
      Israel.
      Jesus’s
      mother
      Mary
     
     
      would
      likely
      be
      Hebrew;
      having
      a
     
     
      Hebrew
      name,
      being
      married
      to
      a
     
     
      Hebrew
      and
      having
      a
      Hebrew
      geneal-
     
     
      ogy
      (documented
      in
      the
      non-biblical
     
     
      holy
      book
      The
      Infancy
      Gospel
      of
     
     
      James).
     
    
   
   
    
     
      If
      you
      have
      any
      questions
      on
      any
     
     
      aspect
      of
      religion,
      email
      it
      to
      sexyreli-
     
     
      giousmajors@hotmail.com
      or
      drop
      it
     
     
      off
      at
      the
      Cadre
      office
      (Main
      06)
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Next
      week
      we
      present:
      “A
      question
     
     
      from
      Dr.
      Buck”
      or:
      “What
      I
      didn’t
     
     
      learn
      at
      Oxford
      I
      learned
      from
      the
     
     
      Sexy
      Religious
      Majors.”
     
    
   
   
    
     
      [7]