UPEI
      STUDENT
      NEWSPAPER
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FEBRUARY
      13,
      2002
     
    
   
   
    
     
      editor-in-chief
     
     
      Matthew
      DORRELL
     
    
   
   
    
     
      copy
      editor
     
     
      Joel
      MEGGS
     
    
   
   
    
     
      production
      manager
     
     
      Jeff
      COLL
     
    
   
   
    
     
      news
      editor
     
     
      Erin
      FAGAN
     
    
   
   
    
     
      entertainment
      editor
     
     
      Stephan
      MACLEOD
     
    
   
   
    
     
      sports
      editor
     
     
      Adam
      GAUTHIER
     
    
   
   
    
     
      photographer
      /
      style
      editor
     
     
      Jonah
      CAMPBELL
     
    
   
   
    
     
      reporter
     
     
      VACANT
     
    
   
   
    
     
      advertising
      manager
     
     
      Kim
      TRAN
     
    
   
   
    
     
      distribution
      manager
     
     
      Andrea
      STEELE
     
    
   
   
    
     
      graphic
      design
     
     
      Bill
      MATTHEWS
     
    
   
   
    
     
      contributors
     
     
      Brad
      DEIGHAN
     
     
      Thomas
      LLOYD
     
     
      Marc
      MACDONALD
     
     
      Mariéve
      MACGREGOR
     
     
      Stuart
      NEATBY
     
     
      Catherine
      SWEET
     
    
   
   
    
     
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      [2]
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Editorial
      15:
      No
      Editorials
      Until
      the
      End
      of
      the
      Olympics
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Most
      Podern
      Racing
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
      luge
      is
      an
      improbable
     
     
      event
      for
      television.
      Technique
      is
      only
     
     
      visible,
      in
      theory,
      when
      watching
      the
     
     
      slow
      motion
      replays,
      but
      even
      then,
     
     
      the
      movements
      of
      the
      lugers
      are
      so
     
     
      small
      compared
      to
      their
      speed
      that
     
     
      technique
      remains
      all
      but
      invisible.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Slow
      motion
      is
      still
      nice
      to
      watch—.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      bodies
      quivering
      like
      jello
      as
      they
     
     
      slide
      around
      a
      corner,
      the
      lugers
      trying
     
     
      to
      remain
      relaxed,
      forcing
      themselves
     
     
      to
      look
      nowhere
      but
      straight
      up,
      for
     
     
      the
      sake
      of
      aerodynamics.
     
    

    
     
      Luge
      is
      so
      fast
      and
      the
      course
     
     
      so
      convoluted
      with
      twists
      and
      turns
     
     
      that
      the
      TV
      cameras
      can’t
      follow
      the
     
     
      sled
      for
      any
      distance.
      Instead,
      station-
     
     
      ary
      cameras
      sit
      at
      the
      track’s
      edge,
     
     
      lunging
      at
      lugers
      as
      they
      slide
      by.
     
     
      Luge
      is
      based
      on
      one
      of
      the
      better
     
     
      Olympic
      sport
      templates—get
      a
      bunch
     
     
      of
      people,
      send
      them
      in
      the
      same
     
     
      direction,
      and
      see
      who
      gets
      some-
     
     
      where
      fastest—but
      it
      is
      televised
      in
      a
     
     
      collage
      of
      two
      second
      clips—few
     
    
   
   
    
     
      “cameras
      can
      keep
      them
      in
      focus
      for
     
    
   
   
    
     
      longer.
      The
      result
      is
      shot
      after
      shot
     
     
      after
      nearly
      identical
      shot
      of
      lugers,
     
     
      their
      position
      in
      the
      race
      only
      apparent
     
     
      from
      the
      split
      times,
      racing
      elliptically
     
     
      by
      the
      cameras.
      An
      excellent
      sport
      for
     
     
      the
      low
      of
      attention
      span.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Card
      Sharks
      and
      Cheats
     
    
   
   
    
     
      My
      addiction
      to
      the
      Olympics
     
     
      is
      so
      complete,
      that
      I
      will
      even
      watch
     
     
      figure
      skating—a
      sport
      which
      normal-
     
     
      ly
      bores
      me
      entirely
      and
      which,
      not
     
     
      coincidentally,
      I
      barely
      understand.*
      I
     
     
      do
      understand
      that
      skaters
      are
      cheated
     
     
      by
      the
      corrupt
      and
      byzantine
      voting
     
     
      system,
      one
      which
      seems
      to
      require
     
     
      the
      Russians
      receive
      the
      gold
      at
      the
     
     
      end
      of
      the
      day.
      This
      might
      be
      a
      lot
     
     
      more
      upsetting
      if
      it
      weren’t
      so
      routine.
     
    

    
     
      I
      realize
      that
      Canada
      did
      win
      a
     
     
      gold
      in
      the
      demonstration
      sport
      of
     
     
      Bridge,
      but
      allowing
      Bridge
      in
      the
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Olympics
      is
      the
      first
      step
      down
      a
      pun-_
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ishingly
      slippery
      slope
      that
      ends
      with
     
     
      televised
      chess.
      Perhaps
      we
      could
      all
     
    
   
   
    
     
      agree
      that
      in
      future,
      any
      “sports”
      in
     
     
      the
      Olympics,
      require
      “athletes,”
      or,
     
     
      minimally,
      some
      display
      of
      “athleti-
     
     
      cism.’**
     
    

    
     
      And,
      speaking
      of
      corruption
     
     
      and
      things
      not
      welcome
      at
      the
     
     
      Olympics,
      I
      hope
      the
      NHL
      will
      not
      be
     
     
      back
      at
      the
      next
      Winter
      Olympics,***
     
     
      if
      for
      no
      other
      reason—though
      there
     
     
      are
      many
      other
      reasons—than
      to
      keep
     
     
      NHL
      Commissioner
      Bettman,
      who
      is
     
     
      even
      more
      of
      a
      weasel
      than
      his
     
     
      appearance
      suggests,
      at
      a
      healthy
      dis-
     
     
      tance.
      If
      the
      never
      ending,
      embarrass-
     
     
      ingly
      typical
      and
      tedious
      hand
      wring-
     
     
      ing
      over
      The
      State
      of
      Canadian
     
     
      Hockey
      was
      shortened
      as
      a
      result,
     
     
      ****
      it
      wouldn’t
      be
      a
      moment
      too
     
     
      soon.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Curling?
      Or
      Ski
      jumping?
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Matthew
      Dorrell,
     
     
      Editor-in-Chief
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Footnotes
     
    
   
   
    
     
      *
      I’m
      so
      clueless
      that
      I
      keep
      thinking
     
     
      that
      routines
      without
      falling
      are
      better
     
     
      than
      those
      with.
      (Slightly
      off
      topic,
     
     
      but
      will
      someone
      let
      me
      know
      when
     
     
      we
      can
      stop
      being
      proud
      of
      Elvis
     
     
      Stojko,
      and
      start
      making
      fun?)
     
    
   
   
    
     
      **
      A
      new
      biathlonm
      composed
      of
      ski-
     
     
      ing
      and
      bridge,
      for
      example,
      would
      be
     
     
      acceptable.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ***
      Throw
      the
      NBA
      out
      of
      the
     
     
      Summer
      Games
      too.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ****
      The
      time
      spent
      guessing
      and
      sec-
     
     
      ond
      guessing
      the
      composition
      of
     
     
      Canada’s
      hockey
      team,
      and
      their
     
     
      chances
      in
      Salt
      Lake
      City,
      has
      far
     
     
      exceeded
      the
      discussion
      about,
      say,
     
     
      the
      need
      to
      send
      several
      hundred
     
     
      much
      braver
      Canadians
      to
     
     
      Afghanistan.
      Also,
      wouldn’t
      we
      all
     
     
      like
      to
      see
      Gretzgy
      get
      some
      sleep?
     
     
      The
      guy
      looks
      like
      the
      living
      dead,
     
     
      except
      with
      a
      lot
      more
      fear
      in
      his
      eyes.