Point/Counterpoint:
      Mullets
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Point
     
     
      by
      Brad
      DEIGHAN
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Throughout
      history,
      the
      sad
     
     
      story
      of
      mullet
      racism
      has
      affected
     
     
      mullet-bearing
      individuals
      in
      many
     
     
      negative
      ways
      by
      the
      degradation
      and
     
     
      oppression
      of
      the
      mullet
      species.
     
    

    
     
      The
      mullet
      consists
      of
      short
     
     
      hair
      in
      the
      front,
      on
      the
      top,
      and
      on
      the
     
     
      sides
      of
      the
      head
      with
      the
      angering
     
     
      part
      being
      the
      long
      flowing
      hair
      pro-
     
     
      truding
      from
      the
      back
      of
      the
      head.
     
     
      Mullet
      racism
      was
      first
      known
      to
      exist
     
     
      in
      ancient
      Greece.
      It
      began
      with
      the
     
     
      prosecution
      of
      Socrates,
      one
      of
      today’s
     
     
      most
      popular
      ancient
      philosophers.
      It
     
     
      was
      feared
      that
      Socrates
      would
      bring
     
     
      in
      his
      new
      mullet-gods
      and
      revolution-
     
     
      ize
      Greece
      into
      a
      mullet
      bearing
      soci-
     
     
      ety.
     
    

    
     
      Socrates
      was
      not
      the
      only
      mul-
     
     
      let-headed
      philosopher,
      there
      was
      also
     
     
      Friedrich
      Nietzsche
      who
      described
      the
     
     
      mullet
      as
      the
      “uber-cut”
      or
      the
      “super-
     
    

    
     
      ut”,
      describing
      the
      mullet-head
      as
     
     
      representing
      a
      higher
      stage
      of
      human-
     
     
      ity.
      Johannes
      Kepler
      once
      said
      “The
     
     
      mullet-head
      did
      not
      create
      the
      mullet
     
     
      haphazardly:
      A
      rational
      architecture
     
     
      underlies
      the
      structure
      of
      the
      mullet!”
     
    

    
     
      Short
      hair
      in
      front
      allows
      the
     
     
      mullet-head
      to
      rise
      in
      the
      morning
      for
     
     
      work,
      put
      on
      a
      suit,
      and
      head
      for
      the
     
     
      office
      as
      a
      respected
      businessman.
     
     
      Then,
      after
      work,
      the
      long
      hair
      in
      back
     
     
      transforms
      the
      businessman
      into
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Plato’s
      wild
      and
      intoxicated
      beast-man
     
     
      who
      will
      party
      on
      even
      after
      vomiting
     
     
      on
      himself
      and
      others.
      The
      only
      way
      to
     
     
      stop
      this
      frenzy
      is
      to
      feed
      the
      creature
     
     
      alcohol
      until
      a
      comatose
      like
      state
      is
     
     
      reached.
      However,
      mullet-heads
      often
     
     
      have
      extremely
      high
      tolerance
      to
      alco-
     
    
   
   
    
     
        
     
     
              
       
     
     
        
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
          
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      hol;
      Socrates
      himself
      was
      said
      to
      be
     
     
      unable
      to
      become
      intoxicated.
     
    

    
     
      You
      will
      never
      hear
      a
      mullet-
     
     
      head
      growl
      about
      sunburn
      on
      the
      back
     
     
      of
      his/hers
      neck,
      nor
      will
      cold
      wind
     
     
      ever
      bother
      the
      mullet-head.
      Due
      to
     
     
      lack
      of
      washing,
      a
      greasy
      build-up
      is
     
     
      acquired
      and
      any
      type
      of
      liquid,
      be
      it
     
     
      alcohol,
      urine,
      vomit,
      etc.,
      will
      quick-
     
     
      ly
      slide
      off
      the
      mullet
      and
      onto
      the
     
     
      ground.
      This
      makes
      the
      mullet
      practi-
     
     
      cal
      and
      easy
      to
      take
      care
      of.
     
    

    
     
      Not
      only
      is
      the
      mullet
      the
      most
     
     
      intimidating,
      useful,
      and
      versatile
     
     
      haircut
      in
      today’s
      society,
      but
      it
      is
      eas-
     
     
      ily
      the
      most
      attractive
      and
      beautiful
     
     
      haircut
      man
      will
      ever
      see.
      There
      shall
     
     
      come
      a
      day
      when
      man
      will
      realize
      the
     
     
      ingenious
      hair-cut
      the
      mullet
      species
     
     
      has
      given
      us,
      mullet
      racism
      will
      stop,
     
     
      and
      Socrates’
      dream
      shall
      come
      true.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Counterpoint
     
     
      by
      Jonah
      CAMPBELL
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Man,
      fuckin’
      mullet
      apologists
     
     
      ..
      aS
      tempting
      as
      it
      is
      to
      just
      let
      fly
     
     
      with
      a
      stream
      of
      obscenities
      and
      per-
     
     
      sonal
      attacks
      on
      your
      character,
     
     
      hygiene,
      and
      social
      skills,
      in
      the
     
     
      process
      devaluing
      all
      the
      hard
      work
     
    
   
   
    
     
      |
      -
      Introduction
      to
      the
      Style
      Section
     
    
   
   
    
     
      you
      put
      into
      constructing
      your
      (thor-
     
     
      oughly
      unconvincing)
      defense
      of
      the
     
     
      mullet,
      I’m
      feeling
      uncharacteristical-
     
     
      ly
      even-handed.
     
    

    
     
      First
      off,
      you
      can
      take
      your
     
     
      commie
      mullet-sympathizing
      revi-
     
     
      sionist
      history
      bullshit
      and
      cram
      it
      up
     
     
      your
      urethra,
      cos
      the
      house
      that
      style
     
     
      built
      don’t
      have
      no
      occupancy
      for
      no
     
     
      fools.
      Secondly,
      claims
      as
      to
      the
      versa-
     
     
      tility
      of
      the
      haircut
      allowing
      so-called
     
     
      “mullet
      heads”
      to
      function
      both
      as
     
     
      productive
      members
      the
      white-collar
     
     
      economy
      as
      well
      as
      (oh-so
      socially
     
     
      useful)
      party
      animals,
      are
      undermined
     
     
      by
      the
      widely
      known
      fact
      that
      the
      only
     
     
      people
      who
      grow
      mullets
      are
      incredi-
     
     
      bly
      whipped
      dads,
      guys
      who
      wear
     
     
      American
      flag-print
      hammer
      pants
      but
     
     
      have
      confederate
      flag
      licence
      plates,
     
     
      and
      35-year-old
      virginal
      D&D
      nerds.
     
    

    
     
      Further,
      the
      practical
      aspects
     
     
      of
      the
      mullet
      extolled
      in
      your
      argu-
     
     
      ment
      aren’t
      exclusive
      to
      mullets,
      and
     
     
      in
      fact
      may
      be
      achieved
      by
      simple
      long
     
     
      hair,
      or
      by
      an
      exaggerated
      Beatles-
     
     
      style
      cut.
      The
      latter
      of
      the
      two,
      in
      par-
     
     
      ticular,
      being
      immensely
      more
      aes-
     
     
      thetically
      pleasing
      than
      the
      “classic
     
     
      ape
      drape.”
     
    

    
     
      If
      association
      with
      a
      violent
     
     
      lifestyle
      is
      something
      to
      be
      prized,
      one
     
     
      may
      eschew
      resorting
      to
      such
      a
      ridicu-
     
     
      lous
      haircut
      and
      instead
      opt
      for
      the
      far
     
     
      superior
      super-greased
      pompadour,
     
     
      made
      “tough”
      by
      loutish
      rockabillies
     
     
      across
      the
      southern
      US.
      Haircuts
      not
     
     
      withstanding,
      to
      project
      an
      image
      of
     
     
      nonfuckwithability
      one
      can
      always
     
     
      rely
      on
      prison-style
      tattoos
      of
      brass
     
     
      knucks
      and
      straight
      razors,
      or
      better
     
     
      yet,
      their
      material
      equivalents.
     
    

    
     
      Finally,
      one
      cannot
      overstate
     
     
      the
      seriousness
      of
      the
      decision
      to
      join
     
    
   
   
    
     
      e
      first
      faatalinene
      or
      the
      newly
      iostablished
      Cadre
      Style
      Section.
      The
      purpose
      of
      this
      fea-
     
     
      y
      fashion-related
      comments
      or
      queries
      that
      students,
      faculty,
      or
      angry
      loners
      with
      inside
      con-
     
     
      xe
      to
      grind
      might
      like
      to
      express
      to
      the
      student
      body.
      We
      hope
      to
      feature
      reviews,
      stories,
      let-
     
     
      le
      a
      forum
      for
      style
      issues
      which
      might
      otherwise
      not
      be
      represented
      in
      the
      regular
      run
      of
     
     
      free
      to
      send
      in
      any
      comments
      or
      questions
      you
      might
      have.
      |
      can
      be
      reached
      by
      email
      at
     
     
      r
      just
      drop
      by
      the
      office
      in
      room
      06
      in
      the
      basement
      of
      Main
      where
      some
      poorly
      informed
     
    

    
     
      ill
      make
      a
      half-hearted
      i
      erent
      to
      direct
      vou
      t
      my
      mailbox
      (we
      also
      have
      a
      mail
      slot).
     
     
      —r—
      —
      .
      cedonal
      ee
      sees
      Style
      Editor
     
    
   
   
    
     
      that
      seamy
      underbelly
      of
      western
      cul-
     
     
      ture
      that
      is
      mullethood.
      It
      is
      not
      to
      be
     
     
      taken
      lightly,
      for
      while
      it
      may
      start
     
     
      with
      a
      haircut,
      the
      next
      thing
      you
     
     
      know
      you’re
      wearing
      denim
      with
     
     
      tigers
      and
      dragons
      and
      shit
      embroi-
     
     
      dered
      on
      the
      back
      and
      the
      wheels
      of
     
     
      your
      car
      have
      mysteriously
      disap-
     
     
      peared
      and
      been
      replaced
      with
      con-
     
     
      crete
      blocks
      (and
      you
      could’ve
      sworn
     
     
      you
      didn’t
      used
      to
      own
      a
      beat
      up
      old
     
     
      Chevy).
      For
      ultimately,
      it’s
      not
      just
      a
     
     
      haircut,
      it’s
      a
      way
      of
      life
      (and
      have
      you
     
     
      ever
      seen
      a
      mullet
      wife?).
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ACT
      ienmenity
      presents
     
    
   
   
    
     
      J
     
    
   
   
    
     
      by
      Margaret
      Edson
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Thursday,
     
     
      October
      25th
      to
     
     
      Saturday,
     
     
      October
      27th
     
    

    
     
      8
      p.m.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Sunday,
     
     
      October
      28th
     
     
      2
      p.m.
      matinee
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Mackenzie
     
     
      Theatre
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Directed
      by
     
     
      Jeanne
      Henry
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Tickets:
     
    
   
   
    
     
      $14
      Adult
     
     
      $12
      Seniors,
     
     
      Students,
      unwaged
     
    
   
   
    
     
      availahle
      at
      the
     
     
      Confederation
      Centre
     
     
      Box
      Office
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
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