>
      et
      now
      for
      eee
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
      Rants
      of
      a
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      vos
      and
      Vanee
      Tey
      could
      yor
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Geez.
      Destroying
      the
      cultural
      event
     
     
      of
      the
      year
      and
      ruining
      the
      integri-
     
     
      ty
      of
      the
      U.S.
      entertainment
      busi-
     
     
      ness.
      Jerks.
      Just
      when
      do
      the
      cops
     
     
      plan
      on
      arresting
      them
      for
      that
     
     
      stunt?
      Like,
      I.
      can
      see
      them
      keeping
     
     
      Janet
      out
      of
      prison
      just
      so
      she
      does-
     
     
      n't
      get
      in
      any
      brawls
      with
      her
      broth-
     
     
      er,
      but
      I'm
      pretty
      sure
      that
      if
      I
      went
     
     
      around
      ripping
      off
      women's
      cloth-
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ing,
      I'd
      be
      cea
      still
     
     
      spersonat-%!
      ke
     
     
      ~—
      phat
      T
      ek
     
     
      a
      a
      be
      throw?
     
     
      ae
      ison
      Le
      sae
     
     
      cupid
      epee
      e
     
     
      Ss
      ma
     
     
      commerciat
      re
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Sleepy
      Hollow
      for
      at
      least
      awhile.
     
     
      Personally,
      I
      still
      think
      that
     
     
      Timberlake
      should
      be
      thrown
      in
     
     
      prison
      for
      those
      stupid
     
     
      MacDonald's
      commercials
      that
      he
     
     
      made.
      But
      I
      guess
      I
      can
      also
      see
     
     
      their
      side
      of
      it.
      If
      it
      gets
      to
      the
      point
     
     
      that
      the
      U.S.
      is
      pushed
      to
      ban
     
     
      famous
      people
      from
      going
      around
     
     
      ripping
      off
      each
      other's
      clothing
      in
     
     
      public,
      then
      they're
      just
      letting
      the
     
     
      terrorists
      win.
     
    

    
     
      Is
      it
      normal
      for
      someone
      not
      to
      like
     
     
      any
      of
      the
      songs
      on
      the
      top
      9
      at
      9?
     
     
      Or
      am
      I
      even
      supposed
      to
      be
      listen-
     
     
      ing
      to
      that
      stuff
      anymore?
      No,
      Clay,
     
     
      I
      don't
      care
      if
      you're
      invisible
      or
     
     
      not,
      you
      cannot
      watch
      me
      in
      my
     
     
      room.
      I'm
      only
      doing
      homework
     
     
      anyway.
      Surely
      with
      the
      power
      to
     
     
      be
      imperceptible
      to
      the
      human
      eye
     
     
      you
      could
      find
      something
      a
      bit
     
     
      more
      exciting
      to
      do.
      Actually,
      if
     
     
      you're
      going
      invisible,
      why
      not
      go
     
     
      the
      whole
      nine
      yards
      and
      become
     
     
      inaudible
      too.
      The
      tone
      deaf
      man
     
     
      that
      you
      can't
      see
      or
      hear.
      That's
      my
     
    
   
   
    
     
      kind
      of
      Clay
      Aiken.
     
     
      And
      Chingy,
      you
      cannot
      just
      make
     
    
   
   
    
     
      up
      words
      because
      they
      rhyme.
     
     
      ‘Right
      Thurr'?
      Kind
      of
      reminds
      me
     
    
   
   
    
     
      of
      Nelly's
      'Hot
      in
      Herre.'
      It's
      just
      a
     
    
   
   
    
     
      coincidence
      you
      toured
      with
      him
     
     
      last
      summer
      right?
      Sample
      Dat
     
     
      Ass?
      How
      about
      sample
      a
      dialect
     
     
      that
      humans
      can
      relate
      to?
      But
      who
     
     
      am
      I
      to
      judge,
      I
      have
      an
      impeccable
     
     
      vocabulary
      and
      you
      don't
      see
      me
     
     
      hauling
      in
      millions
      of
      dollars.
      I
     
     
      guess
      being
      incomprehensible
      is
     
     
      what's
      hot
      at
      the
      moment.
      Fo
     
     
      shizzie?
     
    

    
     
      And
      movies.
      Sigh.
      'You
      Got
     
     
      Served'?
      I
      cannot
      await
      the
      cine-
     
     
      matic
      brilliance
      and
      invigorating
     
     
      plot
      that
      can
      only
      come
      from
      such
     
     
      an
      obviously
      well-thought
      out
      con-
     
     
      cept.
      'Bring
      It
      On
      Again’?
      Yeah,
     
     
      like
      the
      first
      one
      wasn't
      bad
     
     
      enough.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      U.S.
      President
      George
      W.
      Bush
      and
      —
     
    
   
   
    
     
      British
      Prime
      Minister
      Tony
      Blair
     
     
      were
      nominated
      for
      the
      Nobel
     
     
      Peace
      Prize
      last
      week.
      Oops.
      I
     
     
      thought
      peace
      was
      when
      you
      didn't
     
     
      drop
      bombs
      on
      other
      countries.
      My
     
     
      mistake.
      And
      now
      Bush
      and
      Blair
     
     
      are
      bewildered
      as
      to
      where
      the
     
    
   
   
    
     
      weapons
      of
      mass
      destruction
      are.
      ©
     
    
   
   
    
     
      That's
      right,
      9
      months
      before
      a
      U.S.
     
     
      election,
      Old
      George
      and
      Tony
     
     
      w
      O
      Ops
     
     
      Peace
     
     
      sons
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Chought
     
    
   
   
    
     
      on
      you
     
     
      P
      bombs
     
     
      un
      aoe
      teas
     
     
      aes
     
     
      decide
      that
      they
      better
      come
      up
     
     
      with
      an
      excuse
      for
      causing
      the
     
     
      deaths
      of
      8,000
      human
      beings.
     
     
      I'm
      sorry,
      but
      I
      cannot
      stand
     
     
      NHL
      Commissioner
      Gary
      Bettman.
     
     
      Who
      decided
      that
      some
      short
      dumb
     
     
      ass
      guy
      who's
      never
      played
      in
      the
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ae
     
    
   
   
    
     
      etely
     
    
   
   
    
     
      different:
     
    
   
   
    
     
      University
      Student
     
    
   
   
    
     
      league
      should
      be
      the
      head
      of
      the
     
     
      whole
      organization?
      And
      now,
      with
     
     
      the
      end
      of
      the
      player's
      collective
     
     
      bargaining
      agreement
      bearing
     
    
   
   
    
     
      “Who
      de
     
     
      ‘
      €Cide
     
     
      cd
      short
      age
      lipage
      ft
     
     
      Ba
      Who't«
      S
      Neve
      on
     
     
      icine
      the
      leag,
     
     
      @
      the
      ee
      Le
     
     
      Of
      Che
      ea
      he
      ad
     
     
      Org
      le
     
    
   
   
    
     
      anir
      at
      7
      On?”
     
    
   
   
    
     
      down
      on
      us,
      he
      decides
      that
      a
      salary
     
     
      cap
      is
      unnecessary.
      You're
      right
     
     
      Gary.
      Let's
      keep
      on
      pouring
      the
     
     
      millions
      out
      while
      small-market
     
     
      teams
      can
      barely
      afford
      to
      stay
     
     
      afloat.
      Jaromir
      Jagr's
      contract
     
     
      alone,
      that
      sent
      him
      to
      join
      Captain
     
     
      Concussion
      and
      his
      overpaid
      mer-
     
     
      cenaries,
      totals
      $77
      million
      over
      7
     
     
      years
      (that's
      $11
      million
      a
      year
      for
     
     
      all
      you
      Arts
      students).
      Does
      no
      one
     
     
      else
      think
      this
      is
      ridiculous?
      I'm
     
     
      sure
      that
      most
      players
      could
      man-
     
    
   
   
    
     
      age
      to
      get
      by
      on
      a
      meager
      $2
      or
      3
     
     
      million
      salary.
      Especially
      since
      the
     
     
      most
      that
      any
      of
      us
      who
      graduate
     
     
      will
      earn
      will
      be
      somewhere
     
     
      between
      $200,000
      a
      year
      for
      saving
     
     
      lives,
      and
      $6.75
      an
      hour
      for
      flip-
     
     
      ping
      burgers.
      The
      way
      I
      see
      it,
      if
     
     
      you're
      going
      to
      go
      through
      all
      this
     
     
      trouble,
      you
      might
      as
      well
      insist
      on
     
     
      a
      salary
      cap,
      because
      if
      you
      don't,
     
     
      Mr.
      Bettman
      could
      lead
      the
      league
     
     
      straight
      into
      bankruptcy.
      I
      don't
     
     
      think
      the
      players
      really
      have
      much
     
     
      of
      a
      right
      to
      complain
      about
      getting
     
     
      a
      few
      million
      for
      playing
      a
      game
      9
     
     
      months
      of
      the
      year.
      It's
      better
      than
     
     
      not
      having
      a
      league
      to
      play
      in
      at
      all.
     
     
      So
      get
      your
      act
      together
      Gary
      --
     
     
      otherwise,
      the
      2004
      Champion
     
     
      Toronto
      Maple
      Leafs
      could
      end
      up
     
     
      being
      the
      last
      team
      to
      ever
      hoist
      the
     
     
      cup.
     
    

    
     
      Have
      a
      good
      one!
     
     
      ryangallant@hotmail.com
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      10:00
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Graduation
      Ring
      Days
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Feb
      24th
      &
      25th
     
    
   
   
    
     
      -
      4:00
      PM
     
     
      Place
      your
      order
      with
     
     
      representative
      from
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Norton’s
      Jewelers
     
     
      @
      UPEI
      Bookstore
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      UPEI
      Cadre
      February
      24,
      2004
      page
      11