If
      Men
      Had
      The
      Babies!
      Written
      By:
     
     
      Caroline
      Sin
      From
      The
      Gateway
     
    
   
   
    
     
      if
      Men
      could
      menstruate,
      abortion
      would
      bea
     
     
      facrement.
      Gloria
      Steinem
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Supposing
      men
      could
      menstruate...
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
      Billof
      Rights
      would
      declare
      that
      Every
      Man
     
     
      Shall
      Have
      the
      Right
      to
      Life,
      Liberty,
      and
      the
      Pursuit
     
     
      of
      Abortion.
      All
      hospitals
      would
      proudly
      boast
      a
     
     
      lederally
      funded
      abortion
      wing,
      and
      every
      street
     
     
      porner
      would
      offer
      a
      free-standing
      abortion
      clinic.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Phere
      would
      be
      no
      moralizing
      about
      responsibility
      or
     
     
      promiscuity;
      no
      endless
      sermonizing
      about
      reaping
     
     
      vhat
      you
      sow,
      or
      eating
      what
      you
      bake.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      tvery
      citizen
      of
      this
      country
      would
      awake
      each
      morn-
     
     
      ng
      with
      the
      same
      thought,
      how
      wrong
      it
      would
      be
      to
     
     
      orce
      a
      man
      to
      bear
      a
      child
      he
      does
      not
      want!
      Society
     
     
      yould
      produce
      at
      least
      a
      million
      reasons
      for
      why
      a
     
     
      fan
      may
      choose
      to
      terminate
      his
      pregnancy,
      like:
      he
     
     
      sa
      student,
      he
      plays
      professional
      hockey,
      he
      is
     
     
      etting
      on
      in
      years,
      he
      has
      high
      blood
      cholesterol,
      and
     
     
      bon.
      Inth4
      end,
      we
      would
      have
      to
      be
      resigned
      to
      the
     
     
      et
      tht
      itis
      the
      responsibility
      of
      the
      woman
      to
      resist
     
     
      le
      advances
      ofthe
      unprotected
      man.
      However,
      when
     
     
      woman
      says
      no,
      what
      she
      really
      means
      is
      yes,
      This
     
    

    
     
      1
      Bs
      tox
      may
      be
      confusing;
      every
      once
      ina
      while
      the
     
     
      gnals
      even
      get
      so
      mixed
      up
      that
      a
      woman
      may
      find
     
     
      If
      accidentally
      and
      inexplicaably
      forcing
      upon
      an
     
     
      willing
      man,
      This
      would
      be
      called
      rape.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
         
     
     
        
     
     
         
     
     
         
     
     
         
     
     
       
     
     
         
     
     
         
     
     
        
     
     
         
     
     
        
     
    
   
   
    
     
      —
      gee
      eaREREN
      ent
      rare
      eae
      eR
      ai
     
     
      pentane
      Ce
      *
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      |
      brtunately,
      such
      crimes
      would
      not
      occur
      often-not
     
     
      ce
      the
      government
      abandons
      its
      ‘‘Picking
      Your
     
     
      se
      and
      Scratching
      Your
      Balls’’
      theory
      of
      rape
     
    

    
     
      vt
      hich
      states
      that
      rape
      and
      other
      socially
      inappropri-
     
     
      ¢
      behaviours
      shall
      be
      ignored
      out
      of
      existence),
      in
     
     
      your
      ofthe
      ‘‘Letthe
      Punishment
      Fit
      the
      Crime’’
     
     
      ory
      of
      rape
      (which
      states
      that
      the
      punishment
      fits
     
     
      |
      ie
      crime),
      Presumablly
      the
      punishment
      would
      be
      of
     
     
      fe
      Public
      Execution
      variety,
      something
      like
      ane
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ot
      X-P
      RESS
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ce
      ata
      ~<a.
      anne
     
     
      a
      a
      «command
      .
      »
     
    
   
   
    
     
      November
      14,
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      your
      hands
      and
      other
      major
      appendages
      cut
      offina
     
     
      public
      ceremony,
      maybe
      ata
      barbecue.
      Or
      Perhaps
      we
     
     
      would
      resort
      to
      the
      more
      traditional
      methods,
      like
     
     
      being
      stoned,
      orcrucified,
      or
      beat
      about
      the
      head
      with
     
     
      the
      complete
      works
      of
      Ernest
      Hemingway.
      Neverthe-
     
     
      less,
      if
      a
      man
      were
      to
      be
      raped,
      (say
      by
      a
      hostile
     
     
      feminist),
      there
      would
      be
      a
      number
      of
      institutions
      he
     
     
      could
      turn
      to
      for
      counselling
      and
      support-institutions
     
     
      staffed
      by
      adequate
      paid
      professionals,
      as
      opposed
      to
     
     
      ‘*volunteers’’
      (a
      modern
      day
      euphemism
      forthe
     
     
      victims
      of
      socially
      accepted
      forms
      of
      slavery).
      But
      let
     
     
      us
      suppose
      that
      a
      man
      should
      choose
      to
      carry
      his
      baby
     
     
      fullterm.
      Happily,
      the
      birthing
      process
      itself
      would
     
     
      be
      asimple
      and
      painless
      procedure-performed
      in
      the
     
     
      comfort
      and
      privacy
      of
      your
      own
      home.
      Labour,
     
     
      traditionally
      difficult
      for
      a
      woman,
      would,
      fora
      man,
     
     
      undoubtedly
      translate
      itself
      into
      and
      orgasmic
      experi-
     
     
      ence
      of
      the
      highest
      order.
      After
      the
      birth,
      government
     
     
      and
      other
      institutions
      would
      act
      appropriately
      to
     
     
      reduce
      possible
      complications.
      Should
      anyone
      suggest
     
     
      thata
      man
      must
      choose
      the
      one(family)
      or
      the
      other
     
     
      (career),
      she
      or
      he
      would
      be
      ridiculed
      into
      submission
     
     
      by
      achorous
      of
      reproach.
      For
      who
      can
      imagine
      de-
     
     
      manding
      that
      one
      make
      such
      achoice?
      Who
      dares
      to
     
     
      ask
      for
      such
      a
      sacrifice?
      Every
      institution
      would
      soon
     
     
      establish
      a
      program
      of
      paternity
      leave,
      plus
      a
      fully
     
     
      subsidized
      daycare
      system,
      Some
      employers
      would
     
     
      even
      fo
      so
      far
      as
      to
      award
      each
      employee
      who
      bore
      a
     
     
      child
      with
      a
      Baby
      Bonus,
      or
      perhaps
      a
      commemora-
     
     
      tive
      plaque
      on
      the
      wall,
      ora
      new
      print
      for
      his
      office,
     
    
   
   
    
     
      199]
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      7