Fact
      and
      Opinion
     
    
   
   
    
     
      by
      Stephan
      MacLEOD
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      NuBody
      Cleavage
      claims
      to
      be
     
     
      “The
      World’s
      Leader
      in
      All
      Natural
     
     
      Breast
      Enhancement.”
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Is
      there
      some
      sort
      of
      elec-
     
     
      tion
      for
      this
      type
      of
      leadership,
      or
      do
     
     
      they
      just
      throw
      a
      pen
      at
      a
      phone
      book
     
     
      like
      when
      they
      pick
      the
      Pope?
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      With
      this
      product,
      you
      can
     
     
      “tone,
      firm
      and
      increase
      the
      size
      of
     
     
      your
      breasts
      naturally.
      It’s
      the
      safe,
     
     
      all-natural
      alternative
      to
      implants.”
     
     
      OPINION:
      Once
      you
      tone,
      firm
      and
     
     
      increase
      the
      size
      of
      your
      breasts,
     
     
      you’ll
      be
      able
      to
      gain
      the
      respect
      and
     
     
      admiration
      of
      your
      poker.
      buddies,
     
     
      Dave.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      NuBody
      Cleavage
      has
      proven
     
     
      to
      be
      safe
      and
      effective
      when
      used
      as
     
     
      directed.
      The
      cream
      is
      formulated
     
     
      with
      all
      natural,
      herbal
      active
      ingredi-
     
     
      ents
      and
      is
      manufactured
      in
      an
      FDA
     
     
      approved
      laboratory.
      In
      addition,
     
     
      NuBody
      Cleavage’s
      active
      herbal
     
     
      ingredients
      are
      recognized
      as
      ‘safe’
      by
     
     
      the
      FDA.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      ‘Safe’
      is
      in
      quotation
     
     
      marks
      because
      when
      NuBody
      is
      not
     
     
      used
      as
      directed,
      you
      could
      end
      up
     
     
      with
      a
      set
      of
      nipples
      on
      your
      forehead.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Both
      NuBody
      Cleavage
      cream
     
     
      and
      capsules
      were
      tested
      for
      over
      two
     
    
   
   
    
     
      years
      before
      being
      released
      to
      the
      gen-
     
     
      eral
      public.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Studies
      on
      lab
      rats
      show
     
     
      that
      mice
      look
      funny
      with
      big
      breasts.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Most
      women
      begin
      to
      feel
     
     
      results
      within
      four
      weeks
      with
      a
      max-
     
     
      imum
      effect
      in
      six
      to
      eight
      weeks.
     
     
      However,
      it
      can
      take
      some
      women
      up
     
     
      to
      ninety
      days
      before
      maximum
     
     
      results
      are
      achieved.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      If
      I
      were
      a
      woman,
      I’d
      be
     
     
      choosy
      about
      who
      I
      let
      feel
      my
      results.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      We
      do
      not
      make
      the
      claim
      that
     
     
      the
      results
      are
      permanent,
      as
      we
      know
     
     
      of
      nothing
      that
      will
      produce
      “perma-
     
     
      nent’
      results
      (including
      implants).
      No
     
     
      manufacturer
      guarantees
      permanent
     
     
      results.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      .
      .
      .
      unless
      their
      product
     
     
      actually
      works.
      While,
      in
      this
      case,
      it
     
     
      would
      be
      silly
      to
      guarantee
      anything
     
     
      other
      than
      greasy
      boobs
      and
      a
      craving
     
     
      for
      Lebanese
      food.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      With
      NuBody
      Cleavage,
      once
     
     
      you’ve
      reached
      your
      maximum
      size,
     
     
      your
      newly
      developed
      tissue
      will
     
     
      gradually
      revert
      back
      to
      your
      original
     
     
      size
      if
      you
      do
      not
      continue
      generating
     
     
      new
      tissue
      (as
      with
      any
      similar
      prod-
     
     
      uct).
      However,
      you
      will
      only
      need
      to
     
     
      use
      NuBody
      Cleavage
      a
      couple
      of
     
    
   
   
    
     
      times
      per
      week
      to
      maintain
      and
      build
     
     
      the
      new
      tissue.
      One
      jar
      can
      last
      up
      to
     
     
      four
      months
      under
      the
      normal
      mainte-
     
     
      nance
      program.
     
     
      OPINION:
      If
      you
      abuse
      your
      NuBody
     
     
      Cleavage,
      you
      will
      end
      up
      with
      more
     
     
      tissue
      than
      Kleenex
      at
      a
      snot
      party.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Our
      success
      rate
      reaches
     
     
      approximately
      85
      percent
      of
      the
     
     
      women
      who
      use
      it
      as
      directed.
     
     
      OPINION:
      The
      women
      who
      don’t
      use
     
     
      it
      as
      directed
      have
      difficulty
      under-
     
     
      standing
      the
      instructions:
      “Rub
      this
     
     
      stuff
      on
      your
      tits.”
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      NuBody
      Contours
      does
      not
     
     
      contain
      artificial
      hormones
      like
      other
     
     
      breast
      enhancement
      products
      on
      the
     
     
      market.
      NuBody
      Contours
      is
      formu-
     
     
      lated
      with
      Mother
      Nature’s
      own
      natu-
     
     
      ral
      herbs
      and
      contains
      absolutely
      no
     
     
      artificial
      hormones.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Unlike
      the
      Colonel’s
      secret
     
     
      recipe.
      as
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      NuBody
      Cleavage’s
      all-herbal
     
     
      ingredients
      have
      no
      weight
      gaining
     
     
      properties
      on
      other
      parts
      of
      the
      body.
     
     
      OPINION:
      But
      they
      may
      cause
      blind-
     
     
      ness
      in
      one
      eye.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Nubody
      Cleavage
      works
      on
      all
     
     
      races.
      It
      was
      especially
      formulated
      to
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      penetrate
      the
      typically
      thicker
      skin
      of
     
     
      Asian
      women.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Thicker
      skin?
      What
      the
     
     
      hell
      are
      they
      talking
      about?
      Sumo
     
     
      wrestlers?
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      NuBody
      Cleavage
      Cream
      and
     
     
      NuBody
      Cleavage
      Capsules
      are
      both
     
     
      derived
      from
      the
      same
      formula.
      Since
     
     
      the
      capsule
      formula
      is
      taken
      internal-
     
     
      ly,
      it
      does
      not
      contain
      certain
      ingredi-
     
     
      ents
      which
      make
      up
      the
      consistency
      of
     
     
      the
      cream.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      “OPINION:
      But
      the
      capsule
      will
      leave
     
     
      your
      breath
      minty
      fresh,
      unlike
      the
     
    
   
   
    
     
      cream
      which
      tastes
      like
      Silly
      Putty.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Test
      results
      show
      NuBody
     
     
      Cleavage
      capsules
      are
      more
      potent
     
     
      than
      NuBody
      Cleavage
      cream.
      Faster,
     
     
      more
      dramatic
      results
      are
      usually
     
     
      achieved
      when
      both
      formulas
      are
      used
     
     
      simultaneously.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      By.
      “more
      dramatic
     
     
      results,”
      they
      mean
      a
      bad
      case
      of
      the
     
     
      jitters
      combined
      with
      various
      bowel
     
     
      obstructions.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      NuBody
      Cleavage
      is
      not
      rec-
     
     
      ommended
      for
      women
      who
      may
      be
     
    
   
   
    
     
      pregnant
      or
      lactating.
     
     
      OPINION:
      What
      about
      cattle?