Maybe
      he
      would
      even
      be
      offered
      a
      promotion...
     
    
   
   
    
     
      But
      enough
      of
      this
      idle
      speculation.
      Everybody
      knows
     
     
      thatif
      men
      could
      menstruate,
      we
      would
      have
      manufac-
     
     
      tured
      a
      100%
      effective,
      method
      of
      birth
      control
      long
     
     
      ago.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Quote:
     
    
   
   
    
     
      "Opportunities
      are
      usually
      disguised
      by
      hard
     
     
      work,
      so
      most
      people
      don't
      recognize
      them."
     
     
      -
      Ann
      Landers
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      A
      NICK
      IN
      TIME
      (HUMOUR)
     
    
   
   
    
     
      by
      Carrie
      Harvey
      ‘‘The
      Peak’’
     
    
   
   
    
     
      From
      my
      informal
      and
      daring
      survey
      (my
      use
      of
     
     
      ‘*daring’’
      is
      justified
      by
      the
      fact
      that
      lurking
      in
      caf-
     
     
      eterias
      and
      hallways,
      and
      peering
      at
      other
      women’s
     
     
      thighs
      and
      calves
      is
      a
      somewhat
      conspicuous
      under-
     
     
      taking),
      won,
      literally
      politically
      correct
      herds
      of
     
     
      them,
      appear
      to
      shave
      their
      legs
      with
      the
      regularity
     
     
      which
      flies
      against
      the
      ideology
      which
      is
      used
      as
      the
     
     
      basis
      for
      the
      epithets
      they
      wag
      in
      front
      of
      yuppies
      and
     
     
      _
      nho-good-capitalist-doers-of-evil.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      After
      two
      weeks
      of
      survey
      -
      I
      was
      waiting
      for
      the
     
     
      opportunity
      for
      stubble
      to
      appear
      for,
      after
      all,
      the
     
     
      first
      week
      of
      class
      ranks
      as
      a
      social
      event
      which
      is
     
     
      comparable
      to
      a
      wedding,
      and
      involves
      a
      proximity
      to
     
     
      strangers
      which
      is
      comparable
      to
      an
      intimate
      clutch
      -
     
     
      but,
      alas,
      nary
      a
      hair
      did
      I
      see
      upon
      the
      legs
      of
      most
     
     
      of
      our
      fellow
      female
      students.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      **So,
      then,’’
      you
      query
      (yourcuriosity
      peaked
      and
     
     
      your
      blood
      racing),
      ‘‘what
      really
      lies
      behind
      those
     
     
      halls
      of
      glossy,
      cotton-tested
      legs?
      What
      great
      shame
     
     
      has
      led
      women
      to
      perform
      this
      time
      consuming,
     
     
      blood-letting
      ritual?”’
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Well,
      my
      readers,
      after
      interviewing
      women
      who
     
     
      shave
      their
      legs
      -a
      process
      which
      also
      raised
      a
      few
     
     
      eyebrows
      -
      it
      soon
      became
      apparent
      that
      this
      mass
     
     
      grooming
      obsession
      is,
      in
      many
      cases,
      accompanied
     
     
      by
      complex
      ideological
      and
      ethical
      dilemmas
      -
      and
     
     
      yes,
      alot
      of
      guilt!
      Yes,
      for
      many
      women
      shaving
     
     
      their
      legs
      goes
      beyond
      beauty
      aesthetics:
      for
      many
     
     
      women
      it
      is
      asubmission
      to
      capitalist
      patriarchal
      crap
     
     
      which
      we
      grudgingly
      accede
      to;
      for
      many
      women
      it
      is
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
     
         
     
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      a
      practice
      we
      perform
      under
      the
      hard
      gaze
      of
      spouses
     
     
      who
      appear
      to
      become
      nauseated
      at
      the
      sight
      of
      female
     
     
      body
      hair;
      and
      for
      many
      women,
      their
      legs
      have
     
     
      become
      the
      site
      for
      yet
      another
      externally
      reinforced
     
     
      beauty
      ideal
      which
      they
      can
      neither
      conquer
      nor
     
     
      obtain.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      So,
      Ihave
      come
      to
      the
      conclusion
      that
      because
      most
     
     
      women
      shave,
      and
      thereby
      implicitly
      support
      that
     
     
      politically
      incorrect
      system
      all
      of
      us
      morally
      evolved
     
     
      and
      liberated
      people
      rage
      against,
      perhapsitistime
      —
     
     
      that
      women
      revision
      what
      shaving
      body
      hair
      means.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Now,
      resisting
      the
      old
      vision
      will
      not
      be
      an
      easy
      task,
     
     
      Most
      of
      us
      have
      been
      shaving
      for
      at
      least
      ten
      years,
     
     
      and
      as
      they
      say,
      ‘‘old
      habits
      die
      hard.’’
      (Incidently
      I
     
     
      believe
      that
      this
      is
      the
      same
      ‘‘they’’
      who
      tell
      us
     
     
      ‘*Hairless
      is
      Beautiful.’’
      Go
      figure).
      In
      order
      to
     
     
      claim
      the
      shaved
      aesthetic
      as
      your
      own,
      I
      recommend
     
     
      that
      you
      adopt
      the
      following
      procedures
      to
      accompany
     
     
      your
      shaving
      sessions.
      If
      you
      follow
      these
      few
      simple
     
     
      guidelines,
      within
      about
      two
      monthslamsure
      that
      —
     
     
      although
      your
      body
      may
      be
      hairless,
      at
      least
      you
      will
     
     
      not
      feel
      anymore
      vulnerable
      to
      the
      patriarchal
      mind
     
     
      screw-up.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Razor
      selection:
     
    

    
     
      1.
      Never
      use
      Gillette
      razors:
      they
      have
      incredibly
     
     
      offensive
      advertisements.
     
     
      2.
      Electrical
      appliances
      are
      also
      frowned
      upon:
      they
      ©
     
     
      signify
      a
      financial
      commitment
      which
      constitutes
      a
     
     
      resignation
      to
      the
      above
      discussed
      jargon.
     
     
      3.
      And
      of
      course,
      disposable
      razors
      should
      also
      be
     
     
      avoided:
      itisbadenoughthatcapitalistidealsof
      _
     
     
      beauty
      are
      supported,
      butto
      assault
      the
      environment
      -
     
     
      with
      tons
      of
      pinkhandles
      blades
      is
      simply
      unforgiv-
      —
     
     
      able.
     
    
   
   
    
     
         
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
        
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Before
      shaving:
     
    

    
     
      1.
      Talk
      to
      european
      women
      and
      men
      about
      your
     
     
      beauty
      aesthetic.
      Ignoretheirbewildéredand/or
      _
     
     
      amused
      looks
      and
      convince
      them
      that
      the
      absence
      of
     
     
      body
      hair
      is
      vital
      to
      your
      identity
      and
      sexual
      self-
     
     
      image.
      |
     
     
      2.
      Watch
      other
      homo
      sapiens
      who
      don’t
      shave
      their
     
     
      body
      hair
      but
      who,
      mysterious
      as
      it
      may
      seem
      to
      yo
     
     
      still
      look
      secure
      and
      comfortable
      with
      themselves.
     
     
      Shout
      ‘‘ignorance
      is
      bliss’’
      at
      them
      and
      then
      run
     
     
      away.
     
    

    
     
      3.
      Browse
      through
      a
      fashion
      magazine,
      draw
      hair
      o
     
     
      models’
      legs,
      and
      then
      spend
      atleast
      five
      minutes
     
     
      cringing
      at
      the
      results.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      UPEI
      X-P
      RESS
     
    
   
   
    
     
      November
      14,
      1991
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Page