Dec.
      14.
      2007.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      And
      now
      for
      another
      exhilerating
      edition
      of:
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Fact
      and
      Opinion
     
    
   
   
    
     
      By
      Ryan
      Miller
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      phrase
      "rule
      of
      thumb"
      comes
      from
      an
      Old
      English
      law
      that
     
     
      stated
      a
      man
      could
      not
      legally
      beat
      his
      wife
      with
      any
      object
      wider
      than
     
     
      his
      thumb.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      OPINION:
      This
      law
      was
      probably
      overturned
      quickly
      with
      the
      advent
      of
     
     
      golf
      clubs
      and
      tire
      irons.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Polar
      bear
      fur
      is
      not
      actually
      white,
      but
      is
      clear.
     
     
      OPINION:
      Shouldn't
      they
      be
      invisible?
      Or
      shouldn't
      we
      at
      least
      be
      able
     
     
      to
      see
      their
      guts?
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      2
      out
      of
      3
      adults
      in
      the
      United
      States
      have
      haemorrhoids.
     
     
      OPINION:
      If
      you
      don't
      believe
      me,
      go
      ahead
      and
      count.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      When
      Britney
      Spears
      books
      into
      hotels
      she
      uses
      the
      name
      'Allota
     
     
      Warmheart'
      so
      that
      nobody
      will
      recognize
      her.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      When
      that
      failed,
      she
      seemed
      to
      resort
      to
      shaving
      her
      head
     
     
      and
      getting
      fatter.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      first
      bomb
      dropped
      by
      the
      Allies
      on
      Berlin
      in
      WW
      killed
      the
     
     
      only
      elephant
      in
      the
      Berlin
      Zoo.
     
     
      OPINION:
      First
      things
      first,
      boys:
      get
      the
      elephants.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      A
      ‘face-off
      in
      hockey
      was
      originally
      called
      a
      'puck-off.
     
     
      OPINION:
      A
      ‘pace-off'
      was
      originally
      called
      -
      well,
      you
      get
      the
      idea.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Brad
      Pitt
      has
      been
      smoking
      since
      the
      sixth
      grade.
     
     
      OPINION:
      And
      look
      where
      it
      got
      him.
      Let
      that
      be
      a
      lesson
      to
      all
      of
      you.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Each
      year,
      approximately
      250,000
      American
      husbands
      are
      physi-
     
     
      cally
      attacked
      and
      beaten
      by
      their
      wives.
     
     
      OPINION:
      Perhaps
      they
      are
      still
      angry
      about
      the
      "rule
      of
      thumb."
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      best
      recorded
      distance
      for
      projectile
      vomiting
      is
      27
      feet.
     
     
      OPINION:
      I'm
      not
      sure
      if
      this
      should
      qualify
      as
      "best"
      or
      "worst."
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      90
      per
      cent
      of
      us
      lie
      regularly.
     
     
      OPINION:
      Actually,
      it's
      91
      per
      cent..
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      In
      high
      school,
      Robin
      Williams
      was
      voted
      'Least
      Likely
      to
     
     
      Succeed.’
     
     
      OPINION:
      Right
      on
      the
      money.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      octopus's
      testicles
      are
      located
      in
      its
      head.
     
     
      OPINION:
      Funny,
      I
      have
      had
      women
      accuse
      me
      of
      having
      the
      same
     
     
      condition.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      And
      just
      you
      thought
      exams
      gave
      you
      enough
      questions.
      Here
      comes:
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Wrong
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Classes
      are
      over!!
      Always
      a
      sweet
      time
      of
      the
      year,
      unless
      of
      course
      you
     
     
      plan
      on
      doing
      well
      on
      exams.
      If
      that
      is
      the
      case
      see
      you
      in
      the
      library
      or
     
     
      the
      chapel
      (it’s
      a
      lot
      quieter
      there)
      for
      some
      hardcore
      studying,
      whatever
     
     
      that
      means.
     
     
      Good
      luck!
     
    
   
   
    
     
      1.
      Exams
      are
      good
      because:
     
     
      a.
      once
      they’re
      over,
      they’re
      over.
     
     
      b.
      multiple
      choice
      is
      my
      middle
      name.
     
     
      c.
      I
      believe
      in
      challenging.
     
     
      d.
      I
      know
      how
      to
      BS.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      2.
      Exams
      are
      bad
      because:
     
     
      a.
      you
      can
      fail.
     
     
      b.
      the
      pressure
      is
      intense.
     
     
      c.
      I
      don’t
      own
      any
      of
      the
      books.
     
     
      d.
      I
      have
      failed
      this
      course
      more
      than
      once.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      3.
      The
      best
      party
      to
      get
      mashed
      at
      is:
     
     
      a.
      Halloween
     
     
      b.
      New
      Year’s
      Eve
      :
     
     
      c.
      St
      Patrick’s
      Day
      (even
      if
      you
      are
      not
      Irish)
     
     
      d.
      Last
      Exam
      night,
      because
      you
      can
      drink
      until
      you
      forget
     
     
      everything
      and
      it
      doesn’t
      matter
     
    
   
   
    
     
      4.
      If
      |
      was
      a
      prof
      my
      exam
      would
      be:
     
     
      a.
      open
      book.
     
     
      b.
      have
      one
      question.
      “Why?”
      All
      answers
      would
      be
      accepted.
     
     
      c.
      a
      connect
      the
      dots
      picture
      of
      Santa.
     
     
      d.
      marked
      on
      time,
      the
      first
      person
      done
      would
      get
      100
      per
      cent.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      5.
      If
      I
      was
      to
      challenge
      a
      course
      it
      would
      be:
     
     
      A.
      Intro
      to
      Pysch
     
     
      b.
      Intro
      to
      Sociology,
     
    
   
   
    
     
      answer
     
    
   
   
    
     
      bb.
      true
      story:
      my
      friend
      did
      this
      once
      without
      even
     
     
      looking
      at
      the
      book
      and
      walked
      out
      with
      a
      90
      per
      cent.
     
     
      c.
      Intro
      to
      University,
      how
      could
      you
      fail
      this.
     
     
      d.
      Any
      course
      from
      the
      Department
      of
      Arts.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      6.
      Questions
      you
      will
      never
      hear
      at
      Wednesday
      Night
      Trivia:
     
     
      a.
      How
      old
      is
      Matt
      Stewart?
     
     
      b.Who
      does
      the
      voice
      for
      Hugs
      and
      Tugs?
     
     
      c.
      Anything
      involving
      math.
     
     
      d.
      What
      can
      you
      do
      with
      an
      Arts
      degree?
     
    
   
   
    
     
      7.
      My
      last
      class
      this
      term
      was
      sweet
      because
     
     
      a.
      we
      had
      presentations,
      aka
      “show
      and
      tell.”
     
     
      b.
      someone
      brought
      food.
     
     
      c.
      we
      went
      to
      a
      bar
      afterwards
      and
      the
      prof
      bought
      a
      round.
     
     
      d.
      it’s
      finally
      over.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      8.
      Wrong
      Answer
      is
      terrible
      because:
     
     
      a.
      there
      are
      no
      pictures.
     
     
      b.
      they
      are
      outdated.
     
     
      c.
      the
      answer
      is
      never
      “c.”
     
     
      d.
      I
      cannot
      read.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      9.
      You
      know
      Christmas
      is
      coming
      when:
     
     
      a.
      Swiss
      Chalet
      has
      there
      festive
      special.
     
     
      b.
      Christmas
      lights
      are
      up.
     
     
      c.
      you
      feel
      the
      urge
      to
      shop
      for
      no
      real
      reason.
     
     
      d.
      you
      look
      at
      a
      calendar.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      10.
      On
      my
      Christmas
      wish
      list
      is
      a:
     
     
      a.
      New
      Car.
     
     
      b.
      trip
      to
      Cuba.
     
     
      c.
      new
      kitten.
     
     
      d.Bachelor
      of
      Science
      with
      Honours
      in
      both
      Biology
      and
     
     
      Chemistry.