The
      Cadre
      +
      19January
      1999
      Ideas
      13
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Coca-Cola
      Lends
      A
      Method
      to
     
     
      Encouragement
      the
      Madness?
     
    
   
   
    
     
      By
      Rob
      Macisaac
      By
      BRODY
      MORRISON
     
    
   
   
    
     
      :
      ‘
      :
      ss
      ade
      :
      ;
      :
      It
      has
      occurred
      to
      me
      lately
      that
      today’s
      political
      and
     
     
      With
      the
      installation
      of
      three
      new
      Coca-cola
      machines
      in
      the
      Pit,
      economical
      times
      are
      very
      demanding
      on
      everyone.
      I
      find
      that
     
    
   
   
    
     
      university
      officials
      proclaimed
      Monday
      that
      they
      have
      accomplished
      just
      _,andmostothers,
      startto
      really
      question
      his
      or
      her
      own
      political
     
     
      what
      they
      set
      out
      to
      do:
      boost
      a
      notoriously
      low
      student
      morale.
      beliefs
      and
      especially
      our
      own
      political
      party's
      these
      days.
      Its
     
    
   
   
    
     
      &
      cE
      F109
      oe
      ee
      SS
      fo
      i
      the
      ,,
      also
      disheartening,
      through
      a
      little
      checking,
      that
      none
      of
      the
     
     
      The
      “brand-spanking”
      new
      machines,
      installed
      late
      last
      year,
      feature
      a
      current
      political
      parties
      out
      there
      seem
      to
      have
      any
      real
      ideas
     
    
   
   
    
     
      stunning
      mural
      of
      a
      Coca-C
      ola
      bottle
      wearing
      a
      graduation
      hat
      and
      tassel.
      on
      how
      to
      help
      “The
      Student”
      cope
      with
      debt
      and
      other
     
     
      “In
      the
      fine
      tradition
      of
      supplying
      thirst-quenching
      beverages
      to
      dedicated
      important
      issues.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      students,”
      explained
      Herb
      Dunsford,
      a
      spokesperson
      for
      Coca-Cola,
      “our
      |
      think
      that
      despite
      the
      number
      of
      official
      parties
      on
      the
     
     
      Hl
      AEE
      SY
      dente
      thas
      ¥
      behind
      ballot
      in
      the
      next
      election,
      students
      would
      like
      to
      have
      a
      real
     
     
      company
      will
      spare
      no
      expense
      in
      showing
      the
      students
      that
      we
      are
      Denind
      alternative.
      So
      lam
      pleased
      to
      announce
      the
      existence
      of
      anew
     
    
   
   
    
     
      them
      every
      step
      of
      the
      way.”
      Federal
      political
      party
      for
      students.
      This
      party
      will
      keep
     
     
      Dunsford
      added
      that
      nothing
      beats
      exam-time
      stress
      like
      a
      nice,
      cold
      students
      inmind
      and
      will
      always
      be
      accountable
      to
      them.
      This
     
     
      bottle
      of
      a
      Coca-Cola
      beverage.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      party
      will
      bare
      the
      official
      name
      “Becausetheotherssuck”
      party
     
     
      of
      Canada.
     
    

    
     
      To
      be
      a
      candidate
      for
      this
      party,
      however,
      you
      will
      have
     
     
      to
      legally
      change
      your
      firstname
      to“Theabove™.
      This
      is
      so
      very
     
     
      important
      so
      that
      the
      candidate
      can
      establish
      his/her
      loyalty
      to
     
     
      the
      party.
      Changing
      your
      name
      will
      enable
      students,
      from
      any
     
     
      riding
      association
      anywhere,
      to
      recognize
      that
      you
      are
      from
      the
     
     
      new
      student
      party.
     
    

    
     
      This
      party
      will
      choose
      its
      candidates
      on
      a
      voluntary
      basis
     
    

    
     
      only
      and
      should
      there
      be
      a
      need,
      a
      coin
      toss
      between
      two
     
     
      possible
      candidates
      will
      decided
      who
      will
      run.
     
     
      Also,
      the
      candidates
      will
      also
      have
      to
      change
      their
      last
     
     
      names
      to
      "Noneof”.
      Once
      we
      have
      attend
      power,
      the
      choosing
     
     
      of
      the
      Prime
      Minister
      (leader
      of
      the
      party)
      will
      be
      found
      by
      a
     
     
      volunteer
      within
      the
      party.
      If
      no
      one
      volunteers,
      then
      a
      person
     
     
      with
      the
      most
      number
      of
      votes,
      in
      their
      particular
      riding,
      over
      any
     
     
      others
      will
      be
      given
      the
      job.
      If
      two
      or
      more
      people
      volunteer
      (a
     
     
      rare
      occurrence)
      then
      the
      people
      wishing
      to
      be
      PM
      will
      draw
     
     
      straws
      on
      national
      TV
      to
      be
      telecasted
      coast
      to
      coast,
      and
      to
     
     
      Newfoundland.
     
    

    
     
      Also,
      there
      will
      be
      no
      pay
      for
      MP’s
      and
      Cabinet
      ministers.
     
     
      This
      is
      perfectly
      logical
      of
      course
      --
      mostly
      because
      students
     
     
      ;
      will
      still
      want
      to
      keep
      their
      student
      loans
      without
      being
      docked
     
     
      “
      ia
      |
      vs
      :
      ;
      /
      any
      money
      from
      a
      new
      “Temporary
      Assessment”
      notice
      from
     
    

    
     
      .
      the
      Office
      of
      Higher
      Education.
      Once
      parliament
      is
      about
      to
      be
     
     
      in
      session
      and
      all
      the
      MP’s
      are
      ready
      to
      enter
      they
      will
      all
      be
     
     
      allowed
      to
      take
      no
      more
      than
      one
      minute
      to
      enter
      parliament.
     
     
      MP’s
      will
      also
      be
      allowed
      to
      have
      an
      announcer
      to
      designate
     
     
      their
      arrival
      and
      theme
      music
      may
      also
      be
      played.
     
    

    
     
      Well,
      overall
      there
      clearly
      isa
      method
      to
      my
      madness
      and
     
     
      when
      it
      comes
      voting
      day,
      some
      time
      in
      the
      year
      2000/2001
      or
     
     
      -
      another
      "student"
      in
      the
      Pit
      -photo
      by
      Richard
      Haines
      when
      ever
      the
      PM
      feels
      lucky,
      make
      sure
      that
      you
      mark
      an
      “X”
     
    
   
   
    
     
      [Incidental
      Ed.
      Note:
      Some
      events
      may
      not
      be
      exactly
      as
      outlined.
      ]
      on
      the
      ballot
      that
      says:
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      —_}
      Noneof,
      the
      above.
     
     
      becausetheotherssuck
      party
      of
      Canada
     
    
   
   
    
     
      I
      PREDICT
      A
      RESOUNDING
     
     
      SUCCESS!