18
      CAMPUS
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
      M.A.P.U.S.
      Connection
     
     
      for
      Mature
      &
      Part-time
      Students
     
    
   
   
    
     
      By
      JANICE
      MUIR
      |
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Elections
      are
      over
      ...
      finally.
      At
     
     
      the
      annual
      general
      meeting
      Wednes-
     
     
      day,
      a
      new
      executive
      was
      elected
      to
     
     
      represent
      the
      mature
      and
      part-time
     
     
      students
      attending
      U.P.E.I.
      for
      the
     
     
      coming
      1999-2000
      school
      year.
      Both
     
     
      the
      president
      and
      vice-president
      po-
     
     
      sitions
      were
      determined
      using
      the
     
     
      democratic
      process,
      which
      should
      be
     
     
      proof
      enough
      that
      the
      Mapus
      organi-
     
     
      zation
      is
      growing.
      Currently,
      the
     
     
      number
      of
      mature
      and
      part-time
      stu-
     
     
      dents
      make
      up
      approximately
      30%
      of
     
     
      the
      student
      population.
     
    

    
     
      The
      newly
      elected
      executive,
     
     
      effective
      as
      of
      May
      4th,
      are
      as
      fol-
     
     
      lows:
     
    

    
     
      President
      -
      James
      O’
      Holloran
     
    

    
     
      Vice-President
      -
      Janice
      Muir
     
    

    
     
      Secretary-Treasurer
      -
      Sheila
     
     
      Shea
     
    

    
     
      Student
     
     
      Suzanne
      Gotell
     
    

    
     
      Senate
      Representative
      -
      Mike
     
     
      McGonnell
     
    

    
     
      Past
      President
      -
      Wylie
      Hall
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Council
      Rep.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      We
      would
      like
      to
      thank
      all
      of
     
     
      the
      students
      who
      took
      time
      out
      of
      their
     
     
      busy
      schedules
      to
      attend
      this
      impor-
     
     
      tant
      meeting
      and
      for
      voting.
      Your
      in-
     
     
      put
      and
      voice
      is
      vital
      to
      shaping
      the
     
     
      role
      Mapus
      holds
      within
      the
      univer-
     
     
      sity
      environment.
      If
      you
      have
      any
     
     
      suggestions
      or
      ideas,
      please
      let
      us
     
     
      know.
     
    

    
     
      For
      anyone
      interested
      in
      play-
     
     
      ing
      squash,
      or
      attending
      movies
      etc.
     
     
      for
      some
      fun
      on
      a
      Friday
      afternoon,
     
     
      please
      drop
      by
      the
      Mapus
      Lounge
      or
     
     
      contact
      Suzanne
      Gotell.
      For
      the
      last
     
     
      couple
      of
      weeks,
      a
      group
      of
      mature
     
     
      students
      have
      been
      meeting
      regularly
     
     
      and
      the
      idea
      is
      catching
      on.
      Our
     
     
      phone
      is
      still
      missing!
      The
      person
      or
     
     
      person(s)
      who
      helped
      themselves
      to
     
     
      it
      last
      weekend
      have
      still
      not
      returned
     
     
      it
      to
      the
      Lounge.
      We
      would
      appreci-
     
     
      ate
      any
      information
      that
      may
      help
      us
     
     
      get
      it
      back.
      In
      the
      meantime,
      our
     
     
      thanks
      to
      Edward
      who
      brought
      in
      a
     
     
      phone
      from
      home.
     
    

    
     
      One
      of
      the
      new
      executive
     
    
   
   
    
     
      members
      gave
      me
      a
      list
      of
      “wise
      say-
     
     
      ings’
      for
      the
      column
      this
      week
     
     
      so
      do
      enjoy
      them.
     
    

    
     
      1.
      |
      started
      out
      with
      nothing
      ...
      |
      still
     
     
      have
      most
      of
      it.
     
    

    
     
      2.
      When
      did
      my
      wild
      oats
      turn
      to
     
     
      prunes
      and
      all-bran.
     
    

    
     
      3.1
      finally
      got
      my
      head
      together,
      and
     
     
      now
      my
      body
      is
      falling
      apart.
     
    

    
     
      4.
      Funny,
      I
      don’t
      remember
      being
     
     
      absent
      minded.
     
    

    
     
      5.
      All
      reports
      are
      in.
      Life
      is
      now
      offi-
     
     
      cially
      unfair.
     
    

    
     
      6.
      If
      all
      is
      not
      lost,
      where
      is
      it?
     
    

    
     
      7.
      It
      is
      easier
      to
      get
      older
      than
      it
      is
      to
     
    

    
     
      et
      wiser.
     
     
      .
      If
      at
      first
      you
      don’t
      succeed,
      try
     
    

    
     
      not
      to
      look
      too
      astonished.
     
    

    
     
      9.
      The
      first
      rule
      of
      ‘holes.’
      If
      you
      are
     
     
      not
      in
      one,
      stop
      digging!
     
    

    
     
      10.
      I
      tried
      to
      get
      a
      life
      once,
      but
      they
     
     
      were
      out
      of
      stock.
     
    

    
     
      11.
      ]
      went
      to
      school
      to
      become
      a
      wit,
     
     
      but
      only
      got
      halfway
      through.
     
    

    
     
      12.
      It
      was
      so
      different
      before
      every-
     
     
      thing
      changed.
     
    

    
     
      13.
      Some
      days
      you're
      the
      dog,
      some
     
     
      days
      you're
      the
      hydrant.
     
    

    
     
      14.
      Nostalgia
      isn’t
      what
      it
      used
      to
      be.
     
     
      15.
      Old
      programmers
      never
      die.
      They
     
     
      just
      terminate
      and
      stay
      resident.
     
    

    
     
      16.
      A
      day
      without
      sunshine
      is
      like
      a
     
     
      day
      in
      Seattle.
     
    

    
     
      17.
      |
      wish
      the
      buck
      stopped
      here.
      I
     
     
      could
      use
      a
      few.
     
    

    
     
      18.
      It’s
      not
      the
      pace
      of
      life
      that
      con-
     
     
      cerns
      me,
      its
      the
      sudden
      stop
      at
      the
     
     
      end.
     
    

    
     
      19.
      It’s
      hard
      to
      make
      a
      comeback
     
     
      when
      you
      haven't
      been
      anywhere.
     
     
      20.
      Living
      on
      earth
      is
      expensive,
      but
     
     
      it
      does
      include
      a
      free
      trip
      around
      the
     
     
      sun.
     
    

    
     
      21.
      The
      only
      time
      the
      world
      beats
      a
     
     
      on
      to
      your
      door
      is
      if
      you're
      in
      the
     
    

    
     
      throom
     
    
   
   
    
     
      22.
      Never
      knock
      on
      death’s
      door;
      ring
     
     
      the
      bell
      and
      run
      (he
      hates
      that).
     
    

    
     
      23.
      Lead
      me
      not
      into
      temptation
      (I
     
     
      can
      find
      the
      way
      myself)
     
    

    
     
      24.
      When
      you're
      finally
      holding
      all
     
     
      the
      cards,
      why
      does
      everyone
      else
     
     
      decide
      to
      play
      y
      chess.
     
    

    
     
      25.
      If
      you're
      living
      on
      the
      edge,
      make
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
      Cadre
      +
     
    
   
   
    
     
      sure
      you
      re
      wearing
      your
      seatbelt.
     
     
      26.
      A
      closed
      mouth
      gathers
      no
      feet.
     
     
      27.
      Health
      is
      merely
      the
      slowest
      pos-
     
     
      sible
      rate
      at
      which
      one
      can
      die.
     
    

    
     
      28.
      It’s
      not
      hard
      to
      meet
      expenses
      ...
     
     
      they're
      everywhere.
     
    

    
     
      29.
      Jury:
      Twelve
      people
      who
      deter-
     
     
      mine
      which
      client
      has
      the
      better
      at-
     
     
      torney.
     
    

    
     
      30.
      The
      only
      difference
      between
      a
      rut
     
     
      and
      a
      grave
      is
      the
      depth.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
      following
      joke
      entitled
     
     
      “The
      Ant
      &
      The
      Grasshopper
      in
     
     
      1999”
      is
      submitted
      by
      Mr.
      P:
     
    

    
     
      The
      Classic
      Version
      goes
      like
      this
      ...
     
     
      the
      ant
      works
      hard
      in
      the
      withering
     
     
      heat
      all
      summer
      long,
     
    

    
     
      building
      his
      house
      and
      laying
      up
      sup-
     
     
      plies
      for
      the
      winter.
      The
      grasshopper
     
     
      thinks
      he’s
      a
      fool
      and
     
    

    
     
      laughs
      and
      dances
      and
      plays
      the
      sum-
     
     
      mer
      away.
      Come
      winter,
      the
      ant
      is
     
     
      warm
      and
      well
      fed.
      The
     
     
      grasshopper
      has
      no
      food
      or
      shelter
      so
     
     
      he
      dies
      out
      in
      the
      cold.
     
    

    
     
      The
      Modern
      Version
      offers
      a
     
     
      different
      perspective
      ...
      the
      ant
      works
     
     
      hard
      in
      the
      withering
      heat
     
     
      all
      summer
      long,
      building
      his
      house
     
     
      and
      laying
      up
      supplies
      for
      the
      win-
     
     
      ter.
      The
      grasshopper
      thinks
     
     
      he’s
      a
      fool
      and
      laughs
      and
      dances
      and
     
     
      plays
      the
      summer
      away.
     
    

    
     
      Come
      winter,
      the
      shivering
     
     
      grasshopper
      calls
      a
      press
      conference
     
     
      and
      demands
      to
      know
      why
     
     
      the
      ant
      should
      be
      allowed
      to
      be
      warm
     
     
      and
      well
      fed
      while
      others
      are
      cold
      and
     
     
      starving.
      CBS,
      CNN,
     
    

    
     
      NBC
      and
      ABC
      show
      up
      to
      provide
     
     
      pictures
      of
      the
      shivering
      grasshopper
     
     
      next
      to
      video
      of
      the
      ant
      in
     
    

    
     
      his
      comfortable
      home
      with
      a
      table
     
     
      filled
      with
      food.
     
    

    
     
      America
      and
      the
      world
      is
     
     
      stunned
      by
      the
      sharp
      contrast.
      How
     
     
      ee
      nee
     
     
      wea
      hacen
      is
     
     
      lowed
      to
      sufles
     
    

    
     
      Then
      a
      representative
      of
      the
     
     
      NAASGB
      (Naational
      Association
      of
     
     
      Green
      Bugs)
      shows
      up
      on
     
     
      Niteline
      ed
      charges
      the
      ant
      with
     
    
   
   
    
     
      6
      April
      1999
     
    
   
   
    
     
      “green
      bias”
      and
      makes
      the
      case
      that
     
     
      the
      grasshopper
      is
      the
      victim
      of
      30
     
     
      million
      years
      of
      greenism.
     
    

    
     
      Kermit
      the
      Frog
      appears
      on
     
     
      Oprah
      with
      the
      grasshopper,
      and
      eve-
     
     
      rybody
      cries
      when
      he
      sings,
      “It’s
      Not
     
     
      Easy
      Being
      Green.”
      Bill
      and
      Hilary
     
     
      Clinton
      make
      a
      special
      guest
      appear-
     
     
      ance
      on
      the
      CBS
     
     
      Evening
      News
      to
      tell
      a
      concerned
     
     
      Dan
      Rather
      that
      they
      will
      do
      every-
     
     
      thing
      they
      can
      for
      the
      grasshopper
     
     
      who
      has
      been
      denied
      the
      poe
     
     
      he
      deserves
      by
      those
      who
      benefitted
     
     
      unfairly
      during
      the
      Reagan
      summers,
     
     
      or
      as
      Bill
      refers
      to
      it,
      the
      “Tempera-
     
     
      tures
      of
      the
      80’s.”
     
    

    
     
      Richard
      Gephardt
      exclaims
      in
     
     
      an
      interview
      with
      Peter
      Jennings
      that
     
     
      the
      ant
      has
      gotten
     
     
      rich
      off
      the
      back
      of
      the
      grassho
     
     
      and
      calls
      for
      an
      immediate
      tax
      hike
     
     
      on
      the
      ant
      to
      make
      him
     
     
      pay
      his
      “fair
      share.”
     
    

    
     
      Finally,
      the
      EEOC
      drafts
      the
     
     
      “Economic
      Equity
      and
      Anti-
     
     
      Greenism
      Act.”
      Retroactive
      to
      the
     
     
      beginning
      of
      the
      summer,
      the
      ant
      was
     
     
      fined
      for
      failing
      to
      hire
      a
      proportion-
     
     
      ate
      number
      of
      bugs
      and,
      hav-
     
     
      ing
      nothing
      left
      to
      pay
      for
      his
      retro-
     
     
      active
      taxes,
      his
      home
      is
      confiscated
     
     
      by
      the
      government.
     
    

    
     
      The
      story
      ends
      as
      we
      see
      the
     
     
      grasshopper
      finishing
      up
      the
      last
      bits
     
     
      of
      the
      ant’s
      food
      while
      the
      govern-
     
     
      ment
      house
      he’s
      i
      in,
      which
      just
      hap-
     
     
      pew
      to
      be
      the
      ant’s
      old
      house,
      crum-
     
    

    
     
      les
      around
      him
      since
      he
      doesn’t
     
     
      know
      how
      to
      maintain
      it.
      The
      ant
      has
     
     
      cereont
      in
      the
      snow.
      And
      on
      the
     
     
      which
      the
      grasshopper
     
    
   
   
    
     
      “kaa
     
     
      ing
      most
      of
      the
      ant’s
      rae
      ors
      td
     
     
      Bill
      Clinton
     
    
   
   
    
     
      a
      before
      a
      wildly
      applauding
     
    
   
   
    
     
      anew
      eroupof
      compatriot
      announcing
      that
     
    
   
   
    
     
      has
      dawned
      in
      America.
     
    

    
     
      That’s
      all
      for
      this
      time.
      Have
      a
     
     
      great
      week.
     
    

    
     
      For
      submissions,
      Janice
      Muir
     
     
      can
      be
      reached
      at
      (902)
      853-4042
      or
     
     
      jmuiradvertising@)
      it