Recognizing
      date
      rape
      when
      it
      happens
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Everything
      but
      "yes"
      means
      "no'
     
    
   
   
    
     
      By
      Candida
      Rifkind
      (CUP)
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ou
      walk
      into
      the
      campus
      pub
      and
      see
      a
      group
      of
      women.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      sitting
      together.
      You
      think
      one
      of
      them
      is
      really
      attractive,
     
     
      and
      you’ve
      talked
      to
      her
      a
      couple
      of
      times
      and
      get
      the
     
     
      feeling
      that
      she
      likes
      you
      too.
      You
      go
      over
      and
      sit
      down,
     
     
      and
      notice
      that
      she
      is
      paying
      a
      lot
      of
      attention
      to
      you,
      maybe
     
     
      even
      flirting.
      Everyone’s
      hada
      couple
      of
      beers
      and
      is
      really
     
     
      relaxed,
      so
      you
      figure
      that
      it’s
      cool
      to
      flirt
      back
      with
      her.
     
     
      You
      get
      up
      to
      dance,
      and
      she’s
      acting
      like
      she’s
      really
      drunk
      and
      wants
      you
     
     
      to
      hold
      on
      to
      her.
      So
      you
      figure
      she’s
      definitely
      interested,
      and
      ask
      her
      if
     
     
      she
      wants
      to
      leave.
      She
      laughs
      and
      says
      that
      she
      should
      stay
      with
      her
     
     
      friends,
      but
      you
      know
      that
      she
      doesn’t
      want
      the
      e
     
     
      around.
      So
      you
      say
      that
      you
      j
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      :
      he
      bed
     
     
      er
      to
      lighten
      up.
     
     
      ,
      and
      after
      you’ve
      climbed
      on
      top
      she
      stops
     
     
      *s
      over
      she
      leaves
      right
      away,
      and
      when
      you
      offer
     
     
      her
      home
      she
      runs
      down
      the
      hallway
      and
      tells
      you
      not
      to
      call
      her.
     
    

    
     
      It’s
      been
      a
      long
      week
      of
      classes,
      moving
      in
      and
      meeting
      new
      people,
     
     
      and
      you
      decide
      to
      go
      for
      a
      beer
      with
      some
      of
      the
      people
      you’re
      living
      with.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
        
        
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
        
     
    
   
   
    
     
      You
      go
      to
      the
      campus
      pub,
      and
      sit
      at
      a
      table
      where
      you
      can
      see
      people
      ©
     
    
   
   
    
     
      coming
      in.
      Half
      an
      hour
      later,
      this
      guy
      you
      think
      is
      really
      attractive
      walks
     
     
      in,
      and
      comes
      over
      to
      your
      table.
      He
      starts
      talking
      to
      you,
      and
      you
      find
      out
     
     
      that
      he’s
      really
      interesting
      and
      hasa
      great
      sense
      of
      humour.
      When
      you
      get
     
     
      up
      to
      dance
      you
      realize
      that
      you’ve
      had
      too
      m
     
     
      feel
      kind
      of
      sick.
      He
      says
      that
      you
     
     
      and
      you
      laugh
      to
      make
      it
      se
     
    

    
     
      you
      outside,
      even
      oh
      yo
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      you
      down
      onto
      the
      bed
      and
      starts
      taking
      off
      your
      clothes,
      and
      you
      know
     
     
      it’s
      all
      wrong,
      You
      try
      to
      say
      no,
      but
      he
      keeps
      kissing
      you
      and
      then
      he
     
     
      Climbs
      on
      top.
      He
      is
      so
      heavy
      and
      he
      won’t
      let
      you
      go.
      You’re
      really
     
     
      Scared,
      and
      realize
      that
      if
      you
      say
      anything
      he
      could
      hurt
      you.
      When
      he’s
     
     
      finished,
      you
      grab
      your
      clothes
      and
      leave.
      He
      wants
      to
      take
      you
      home,
      but
     
    
   
   
    
     
      -
      she
      said
      she
      likes
      you,
      if
      she’s
      already
      agreed
      to
      kiss
      you,
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      you’re
      terrified
      of
      him.
      He
      just
      raped
      you.
     
     
      Are
      these
      scenarios
      realistic?
      Aren’t
      most
      rapes
      committed
      by
      stran-
     
     
      gers
      in
      dangerous
      parts
      of
      town?
      If
      she
      liked
      him
      and
      kissed
      him
      back,
     
     
      wasn’t
      she
      letting
      him
      know
      she
      wanted
      to
      have
      sex
      with
      him?
      Ifshe
      didn’t
     
     
      say
      no
      and
      try
      to
      defend
      herself,
      is
      it
      really
      rape?
     
     
      Forcing
      a
      woman
      to
      have
      sex
      against
      her
      will
      is
      called
      acquaintan
     
     
      rape.
      It’s
      sexual
      assault
      and
      it’s
      against
      the
      law,
      even
      if
      you
      know.t
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
     
        
     
     
        
     
     
        
     
     
        
     
     
       
        
     
     
          
     
     
        
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
         
     
    
   
   
    
     
      she
      doesn’t
      fight
      back,
      or
      if
      she’s
      too
      d
     
     
      happens
      to
      women
      of
      all
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
        
     
     
        
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
      messages
      are
      eve
      ents
      picture
      womén
      in
     
     
      bikinis
      selling
      cars,
      little
      gir
      ght
      to
      be
      polite
      and
      not
      to
      say
      what
     
     
      they
      think,
      we
      sit
      in
      classes
      where
      women’s
      contributions
      are
      ignored,
      we
     
     
      go
      to
      parties
      where
      men
      who
      flirt
      are
      called
      “‘studs’”
      but
      women
      who
      do
     
     
      the
      same
      thing
      are
      called
      ‘‘sluts”’,
      and
      we
      have
      a
      legal
      system
      which
     
     
      places
      as
      much
      blame
      on
      the
      women
      who
      are
      raped
      as
      it
      does
      on
      the
     
     
      perpetrators.
      :
     
    

    
     
      If
      this
      picture
      seems
      bleak,
      it
      is.
      But
      there
      are
      things
      that
      we
      can
      all
      do
     
     
      to
      stop
      violence
      against
      women,
      and
      to
      end
      acquaintance
      rape
      forever,
     
     
      Somie
      men
      must
      learn
      that
      it
      is
      never
      okay
      to
      force
      or
      coerce
      someone
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
     
         
     
     
          
     
     
       
     
     
         
     
     
         
     
     
         
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      isten
      to
     
     
      trust
      their
     
     
      own
      limits,
     
    
   
   
    
     
      people,
      and
      in
      many
     
     
      have
      to
      pretend
      that
      a
      group
     
     
      d
      are
      now
      suddenly
      friends,
      are
     
     
      pe
      happens
      to
      university
      and
      college
     
     
      when
      we
      begin
      to
      think
      about
      it,
      speak
      out
      about
     
     
      attitudes
      and
      behaviour,
      that
      we
      can
      begin
      to
      stop
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
     
        
     
     
        
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
        
     
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ryone
      has
      the
      power
      to
      end
      violence
      against
      women.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      CUP
      article
      from
      The
      Student
      Advocate,
      a
      publication
      of
      the
      Canadian
     
     
      Federation
      of
      Students
      =
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Candida
      Rifkind
      is
      Women’s
      Commissioner
      on
      the
      National
      Executive
      of
     
     
      the
      Canadian
      Federation
      of
      Students.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      December
      2,
      1993/X-Press/9