Your CAPRICORN (Goat) December 22 — January 19 You are an upholder of tradi- tion and authority. This is because you lack imagination and creati- vity. You cannot take honest criticism. Not even from your mother. You worship money — you are the type of person who would try to seduce an instant telicy, Most prison guards are Capricorns. AQUARI'S (Water Bearer) January 20 — February 19 You are an amiable person who likes to be popular. You need to be around others because you cannot stand yourself. You have a fetish for squeezing zits — not necessarily your own. When alone you do weird things to you body. Sex change operations are com- mon among Aquarians. PISCES (Fishes) February 19 — March 20 You are a kind and gentle person. Your sensitive nature has given you the reputation of being a patsy and a lughead. Your lack of ambition is directly related to your lack of talent. Pisces make good ushers. ARIES (Ram) March 21 — April 19 You have great energy and are always enthusiastic. Your viva- ciousness is nausisting to others. You concentrate on future suc- cesses to avoid confronting your past and present failures. You have strange relationships with people much younger than your- self. TAURUS (Bull) April 20 — May 20 You are steadfast, even stub- born, in your ways. People who know you well describe you as a pighead. You enjoy music but the only thing you know how to play is the radio. You are the type of person who enjoys dancing to AM sheep music. You are a com- munist. GEMINI (Twins) May 21 — June 20 You are very exuberent and enjoy expressing yourself. Your friends think of you as a busy body and a bore. You brag about your versatility, but down deep you know you can do nothing well. When introduced to new people, they throw mud at you. Most welfare recipients are Geminis. CANCER (CRAB) June 21 — July 22 You 2°. 1 very patient person. You ca’ tli asleep waiting Sor things to uappen. You have a keen mem: aid often = recite boring, obscure things to your few friends. Cancers are easily in- fluenced and many have actually drowned when told to go jump in the lake. LEO (Lion) July 23 — August 22 You are a very proud and trust- ing person. Others are constantly taking advantage of you. You do not realize what is happening to you because basically you are very stupid. You are the laughing stock of any group. VIRGO (Virgin) August 23 — September 22 You are very methodical and like things in order. On the other hand, your personal appearance is usually a mess. You think of yourself as {iscriminating, while others think of you as cheap and selfish. You are amoral. LIBRA (Balance) September 23 — October 22 You are very affectionate and sympathetic towards others. You enjoy sobbing. You talk a great deal about justice, but no one trusts you. Most Libras are alco- holics or dope fiends, and are the transmitter of sexual diseases, People look down at you with pit horoscope SCORPIO (Not Jack) October 23 — November 21 You are a very domineering and opinionated person. You do not care who you step on to get to the top. When young, you were the type who not only ripped the wings off flies, but you ripped '* wings off robins. You laugh during funerals. Most Scorpics are shot in the back. BETTER TAKE (T cools November 22 — December 21 You have a vivid imagination and are always trying new things. Your friends think you are a per- vert. Honesty is so important to you that you often admit to doing incredibly stupid things. Nudists are almost always Sagittarians. % ... Anonymous YOUNGBLOOD By Nathan Stairs Youngblood is a nice movie, not a good movie or a bad movie, but a nice movie although the NHL won’t endorse the film, it is still worth seeing for yourself. Youngblood is the name of a 17 year-old farm boy from the United States, Rob Lowe is Dean Youngblood, the young man Movie Reviews THE COLOR PURPLE (Warner Bros.) Stephen Spielberg’s The Color Purple is not quite all that it could have been or should have been. Based on Alice Walker’s. Pulitzer prize winning novel of the same name it falls just a few shades short. Celie, a young black woman, has had two children by her father. Both children are sold and soon after Celie is married off toa man who beats her and places her in charge of his kids from another marriage. Celie’s sister comes for a visit during which the two girls vow to keep in contact, but after, a failed rape attempt on the sister by Celie’s husband the sister is thrown off of his property. Celie’s husband decides to do what he can to keep them apart. When he brings home his lover, Shug, Celie (now played by Whoopi Goldbert) makes a very important friend and a sort of whose, like many young men, is to make it to the NHL. He is invited to a tryout with a Cana- dian Junior Team where he makes friends of Dana Sutton (Patrick Swayzee) and Jesse Chafield (cynthia Gibb), the coach’s daughter. Although Youngblood makes the team, he is not pre- pared for the physical abuse. HE soon has to face up to his fears, and learn to stand up for himself. None of the acting is above average, but the story survives without it. The storyline itself is substitute sister and husband. The Test of the film tells about how Celie tries to get away from her husband and find her sister and kids. There are also sub-plots in- volving whites, a minister and one of Celie’s husband’s children. The entire cast is excellent. Stephen Spielberg’s direction is for the most part very good al- though he sometimes lapses into sickening moments of slapstick comedy (it obviously doesn’t fit in a story like this) and there are other moments in which the cinematography takes over and seems to be more important than anything else. Anyone who fol- lows Spielberg’s films knows that they have a tendency to look over- produced which happens here now and then. These are the times when’ the screen seems to be dripping with some kind of sugary goo. Other times The Color Purple resembles the films of the 30s and 40s which suit it well. Actually the film is easy to re- commend. Though it is approxi- mately two and a half hourse long there is rarely a dull moment. The characters that Spielberg and Walker have created are very interesting and there isn’t even a laser beam in sight. David Stewart simple, with some nice touches such as the role of Youngblood’s experienced older brother. The only fault is that the story is somewhat predictable, but the action on the ice is fast and hard and keeps the tempo up. Peter Zezel, of the Philidelphia Flyers does his part in making Rob Lowe look good on skates and some O.K. camera work finishes the charade. This film won’t lose money, but it won’t make much either. Out of ten, it rates a seven. By BRIAN LINKLETTER THE ONLY MAN WHO CAN CLEAR JACK IS HELPLESS IN THE HOSPITAL! 4 AND NOW I'M GOING TO FINISH MY PLAN _TO FRAME JACK SCORPIO IS J WHAT TI STARTED! FALLING APART! ASSASSINS HAVE FAILED! Feb