The
      Starving
     
     
      Philosopher
     
    
   
   
    
     
      By
      Brad
      DEIGHAN
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Raised,
      it
      grazed,
      and
      in
      the
     
     
      end
      was
      made
      meat.
      The
      horrific
      car-
     
     
      nivorous
      crime
      of
      the
      human;
      to
      use
      a
     
     
      beast
      as
      a
      means
      to
      an
      end,
      to
      raise
      an
     
     
      animal
      solely
      and
      simply
      for
      food,
      and
     
     
      to
      use
      up
      graceful
      land,
      and
      to
      hurt
     
     
      earth
      with
      the
      harsh
      trampling
      of
     
     
      beastly
      hooves
      in
      the
      process.
     
    

    
     
      To
      kill;
      to
      cut;
      to
      eat.
     
    

    
     
      The
      living
      becomes
      the
      dead;
     
     
      the
      walkers
      of
      the
      earth...
      the
      earth.
     
     
      These
      once
      mobile
      clumps
      of
      living
     
     
      meat
      are
      now
      stiff,
      hard,
      cold,
      lifeless.
     
     
      They
      are
      to
      be
      buried
      under
      dirt,
      to
     
     
      give
      up
      grey
      life
      to
      become
      black
      dead
     
     
      bodies
      of
      rotting
      flesh;
      to
      use
      up
     
     
      graceful
      land,
      and
      to
      hurt
      the
      earth
     
     
      with
      the
      harsh
      trampling
      of
      ghastly
     
     
      tombstones
      in
      the
      process
      of
      no
      longer
     
     
      living.
     
    

    
     
      To
      live;
      to
      eat;
      to
      die.
     
    

    
     
      Man
      dies,
      and
      in
      death
      smiles
     
     
      stiff
      smile,
      for
      man
      knows
      that
      final
     
     
      physical
      failure
      makes
      great
      triumph;
     
     
      family
      protein
      and
      sustenance
      of
      life.
     
     
      Man
      also
      becomes
      saviour
      of
      the
      four
     
     
      legged:
      raised,
      it
      grazed,
      and
      in
      the
     
     
      end
      was
      made
      free.
     
    

    
     
      Health,
      graceful
      earth,
      and
      a
     
     
      merry
      death.
     
    

    
     
      Why
      don't
      we
      eat
      our
      dead
     
     
      human
      bodies?!
      I'm
      starving,
      toss
      me
     
     
      some
      chick's
      breast!!
      Why
      do
      we
     
     
      waste
      good
      meat
      by
      burying
      it
      in
      the
     
     
      earth
      like
      fucking
      fools?!
      Why
      do
      we
     
     
      foolishly
      waste
      healthy
      particles
      for
     
     
      depressing
      tombstone
      gardens
      and
     
     
      stomping
      animal
      hooves?!
      I'm
      aghast!!
     
     
      Let's
      kill
      two
      birds
      with
      one
      stone
      and
     
     
      start
      eating
      our
      dead,
      it's
      called
      canni-
     
     
      balism,
      and
      there's
      nothing
      wrong
      with
     
     
      it!
     
    

    
     
      Oh,
      there
      is!
      Well
      pardon
      me,
      I
     
     
      didn't
      know!
      But
      tell
      me...
      what
      is
      it
     
     
      that's
      wrong
      with
      cannibalism?
      Oh,
      I
     
     
      see,
      it's
      sick.
      You
      think
      it's
      sick?!
     
     
      Sorry,
      you're
      right,
      you've
      just
      defeated
     
     
      everything
      I've
      said,
      and
      everything
     
     
      I'm
      going
      to
      say.
      Yeah,
      cannibalism
      is
     
     
      sick.
      What
      a
      great
      way
      to
      win
      an
      argu-
     
     
      ment;
      dismiss
      it
      as
      sick.
      Get
      a
      grip,
     
     
      with
      cannibalism,
      we
      can
      stop
      the
     
     
      slaughtering
      of
      animals
      for
      food,
      help
     
    
   
   
    
     
      [12]
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ~
      fucking
      hungry!
      All
      hail
      the
      human
     
    
   
   
    
     
      to
      preserve
      our
      living
      environment,
     
     
      and
      give
      our
      dying
      something
      to
      smile
     
     
      about.
      How
      much
      money
      does
      a
      buried
     
     
      body
      funeral
      cost?
      When
      I
      die,
      if
      I
     
     
      can't
      find
      someone
      to
      eat
      me,
      I'm
     
     
      going
      to
      be
      burned
      to
      dust,
      I'm
      not
     
     
      wasting
      my
      family's
      money
      on
      some
     
     
      ridiculous
      spirit
      worshipping
      tradition!
     
     
      My
      family
      doesn't
      have
      that
      kind
      of
     
     
      money
      to
      waste!!
      And
      on
      something
     
     
      like
      that?!
      There's
      a
      better
      way
      to
      fin-
     
     
      ish
      off
      your
      body;
      get
      someone
      to
      eat
     
     
      it,
      have
      a
      snack
      at
      your
      mother's
      funer-
     
     
      al!
     
    
   
   
    
     
         
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Student
      Exchanges
      at
      UPEI
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Study
      Abroad
      and
      Travel
      while
      paying
      UPEI
      Tuition
      and
      Rates
     
    
   
   
    
     
      To
      have
      dead
      people
      to
      cut,
     
     
      and
      to
      eat.
      To
      care
      and
      respect
      the
     
     
      once-living
      being
      that
      has
      become
     
     
      juicy
      steak
      in
      your
      mouth.
      To
      know
     
     
      that
      in
      death,
      you
      will
      hurt,
      but
      you
     
     
      will
      also
      help,
      to
      know
      what
      the
      soon-
     
     
      to-be-dead
      know,
      and
      that
      it
      may
      help
     
     
      them
      go
      in
      peace
      with
      a
      stiff
      smile
      on
     
     
      their
      fleshy
      faces.
      This
      is
      to
      create
      a
     
     
      more
      efficient
      means
      of
      human
      car-
     
     
      nivorism,
      and
      of
      dealing
      with
      our
     
     
      dead.
      To
      conserve
      the
      earth
      from
     
     
      hooven
      foot
      and
      head-stone
      alike,
      to
     
     
      kill
      two
      (more?)
      birds
      with
      one
      stone.
      I
     
     
      have
      to
      go,
      all
      this
      talk
      is
      making
      me
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      cannibal!!!
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Information
      Night
     
    
   
   
    
     
      When
      |
      die,
      if
      |
      can't
      find
     
     
      someone
      to
      eat
      me,
      I'm
     
     
      going
      to
      be
      burned
      to
     
     
      dust.
      I'm
      not
      wasting
      my
     
     
      family's
      money
      on
      some
     
     
      ridiculous
      spirit
      worship-
     
     
      ping
      tradition.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      When:
      13
      November
      2002
     
     
      Where:
      ITEC
      Theatre
      (Robertson
      Library)
     
     
      Time:
      6:00
      pm
     
    
   
   
    
     
      All
      interested
      UPEI
      students
      are
      welcome.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ***If
      you
      cannot
      make
      the
      session
      but
      are
      interested
      in
      the
     
     
      Student
      Exchange
      Program,
      please
      feel
      free
      to
      stop
      by
      Student
      Services
     
     
      Cut
      lift
      chew.
      or
      e-mail
      Christi
      at
      assistants@upei.ca
      :
     
     
      Cut
      lift
      chew.
     
     
      Thick,
      juicy,
      succulent;
      joy
      of
      man,
     
     
      woman;
      joy
      of
      the
      living
      arose
      from
     
     
      the
      dead.
     
    

    
     
      Lift,
      chew.
     
    

    
     
      It
      chews
      so
      tender,
      so...
      made
      by
     
     
      human...
     
    

    
     
      parts.
      -
     
    

    
     
      No
      more
      slaughter
      or
      ancient
      burial
      for
     
     
      man,
      for
      man
      will
      eat
      man,
      and
      beast
     
     
      will
      roam
      free
     
    
   
   
    
     
          
     
     
         
     
     
        
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      AIDS
      PEI
     
    
   
   
    
     
      AIDS
      PEI
      is
      seeking
      an
      individual
      with
      hepatitis
      C
      to
      assist
      with
      a
     
     
      Hepatitis
      C
      educational
      project.
      This
      is
      a
      volunteer
      position
      requiring
      ©
     
     
      approximately
      two
      hours
      per
      month
      for
      18
      months.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Those
      interested,
      please
      contact
      Dianne
      Birt,
      Education
      Coordinator,
     
     
      AIDS
      PEI
      566-2437.
      .
     
    
   
   
    
     
        
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ERE
      HO
      SENT