A
      panicked
      Matthew
      tries
      to
      find
      some
      help
      on
      the
      packaging.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      saying,
      a
      few
      times,
      “Monkey
      goes
     
     
      where?”.
     
    

    
     
      I’m
      not
      making
      this
      up.
     
    

    
     
      Jeff.
      One
      minute
      flat.
      Only
     
     
      screamed
      once.
      And
      that
      was,
      IS
      THIS
     
     
      A
      CRAYON?
     
    

    
     
      _
      Mariéve.
      About
      a
      minute
      and
      a
     
     
      half.
      She
      assembled
      hers
      twice,
      after
     
     
      being
      asked
      to
      verify
      with
      instructions
     
     
      and
      diagram,
      whether
      or
      not
      things
     
     
      looked
      right.
     
    

    
     
      Matthew.
     
    

    
     
      Contests
      are
      stressful,
      aren’t
     
     
      they?
      And,
      I
      dunno,
      unfair
      in
      a
      way,
     
     
      no?
      There
      are
      always
      winners.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      And
      then
      there
      is
      a
      loser.
     
    

    
     
      _
      I
      suppose
      one
      could
      say
      that
     
     
      the
      toy
      selected
      could
      make
      or
      break
     
     
      how
      the
      competitor
      finished.
      I
      can
      see
     
     
      how
      one
      could
      say
      that
      maybe
      one
     
     
      person’s
      construction
      was
      more
     
     
      sophisticated
      and
      delicate
      than,
      say,
     
     
      the
      next
      person’s
      (like
      Jeff’s,
     
     
      Mariéve’s,
      and
      Stephan’s).
     
    

    
     
      Unless
      you
      got,
      say,
      just
      as
      an
     
     
      example,
      A
      TRAIN.
     
    

    
     
      Not
      even
      a
      whole
      train.
      The
     
     
      locomotive.
      The
      easily
      recognizable,
     
     
      familiar
      (am
      I
      being
      too
      cruel?),
      very
     
     
      common
      engine
      powered
      by,
      say,
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
      toys
      are
      checked
      for
      accuracy.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      steam,
      diesel,
      or
      electricity.
      The
      thing
     
     
      used
      for
      pulling
      trains.
     
    

    
     
      What
      were
      Matthew’s
      words?
     
     
      (Let’s
      see,
      I
      really
      want
      to
      get
      this
     
     
      right,
      um,
      oh
      yes
      —)
      His
      words
      were,
     
     
      THERE’S
      AN
      EXTRA
      PIECE!
     
    

    
     
      (Repeat
      this
      a
      few
      times
      and
     
     
      sound
      kinda
      stressed
      and
      you'll
      be
     
     
      approaching
      his
      state
      at,
      oh,
      around
     
     
      six
      minutes
      in.)
     
    

    
     
      True,
      he
      did
      have
      stickers,
      and
     
     
      no
      one
      else
      did.
      And
      true,
      he
      did,
      it.
     
     
      would
      turn
      out,
      have
      to
      put
      the
      stick-
     
     
      ers
      ON
      the
      plastic
      pieces
      FIRST,
     
     
      before
      you
      snapped
      them
      together.
     
    

    
     
      And
      I
      think
      there
      was
      aiso
      one
     
     
      sticker
      left
      over.
     
    

    
     
      Unstuck.
     
    

    
     
      Let’s
      let
      the
      competitors
      use
     
     
      their
      own
      words
      to
      describe
      what
      they
     
     
      put
      together,
      shall
      we?
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Contests
      are
     
     
      stressful,
      aren’t
     
     
      they?
      And,
      I
      dunno,
     
     
      unfair
      in
      a
      way,
      no?
     
     
      There
      are
      always
     
     
      winners.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Mariéve:
      Flowerpod
      —
     
    
   
   
    
     
      home/forcefield
      for
      miniature
      plastic
     
     
      yellow
      figurine
      —
      flower
      twirls.
      (Her
     
     
      toy
      did
      have
      great
      colours.
      Pink,
      yel-
     
     
      low,
      green
      and
      blue.)
     
    

    
     
      Jeff:
      Dog
      on
      wheels
      that
      wags
     
    
   
   
    
     
      its
      tail
      when
      you
      push
      it.
      Or
     
     
      Rollerdog.
     
    

    
     
      Stephan:
      Minstrel-bug
      on
      a
     
     
      leaf
      —
      (he
      then
      has
      serious
      complaints
     
     
      about
      the
      wording
      in
      the
      instructions,
     
     
      which
      I
      don’t
      repeat
      here
      because
      I
     
     
      think
      he’s
      right)
      —
      this
      thing
      sets
      back
     
     
      the
      civil
      rights
      movement
      several
     
     
      decades.
      (And
      remember,
      Stephan
      had
     
     
      two
      toys.)
      Caveman
      scrubbing
      hairy
     
     
      dinosaur.
      The
      caveman
      does
      not
      look
     
     
      happy.
     
    

    
     
      And
      before
      we
      _
      get
      to
     
     
      Matthew’s
      words,
      I
      have
      to
      say
      what
     
     
      terrific
      sports
      the
      Cadre
      persons
      are.
     
     
      To
      say
      nothing
      of
      their
      writing,
      pho-
     
     
      tography,
      general
      very
      hard
      work
      all
     
     
      this
      year.
      I
      am
      always
      impressed
      by
     
     
      their
      willingness
      to
      put
      themselves
     
     
      into
      the
      paper,
      their
      willingness
      to
     
     
      produce
      something
      for
      the
      entire
      stu-
     
     
      dent
      body
      and
      for
      the
      institution
      that
      is
     
     
      UPEI,
      and
      for
      their
      willingness
      to
      give
     
     
      us
      a
      paper
      every
      week
      (more
      or
      less).
     
     
      Universities
      that
      have
      newspapers
      are
     
     
      lucky
      to
      have
      them.
      And
      long
      may
      this
     
     
      one
      live.
     
    

    
     
      That
      above
      stuff
      said,
     
     
      Matthew’s
      words
      were:
      Fucking
      train.
     
     
      Stickers.
      Goddammit.
     
    

    
     
      Words
      to
      live
      by?
     
    

    
     
      I
      dunno.
     
    

    
     
      But
      I
      did
      laugh.
      And
      so
      did
     
     
      most
      (if
      not
      all)
      of
      the
      participants.
     
     
      Not
      a
      bad
      way
      to
      spend
      a
      very
      brief
     
     
      part
      of
      a
      March
      afternoon.
      Maybe
      that
     
     
      was
      the
      prize.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
      finished
      surprises.