Don’t
      be
      surprised
      that
      |
      took
      over
      this
      newspaper
     
     
      (which
      wasn’t
      fit
      to
      line
      the
      bottom
      of
      my
      canary,
     
     
      Sweet
      Pea’s
      cage
      anyway).
      Corporate
      takeover
      is
     
     
      just
      the
      latest
      passtime
      that
      my
      buddies
      and
      I
      enjoy
     
     
      now
      that
      the
      women
      have
      taken
      over
      golf.
      Conrad
     
     
      drinks
      schnaps
      until
      his
      toes
      turn
      Black
      has
      been
     
     
      buying
      and
      selling
      papers
      like
      they’re
      baseball
     
     
      cards,
      and
      Ted
      whose
      rather
      fonda
      Jane
      Fonda
     
     
      Tumer
      owns
      so
      much
      media
      that
      even
      he
      doesn’t
     
     
      believe
      what
      reporters
      are
      saying
      half
      the
      time.
      The
     
     
      main
      difference
      between
      their
      takeovers
      and
      mine
     
     
      is
      that
      I'm
      willing
      to
      admit
      how
      |
      got
      the
      job
      done
     
     
      with
      force
      while
      those
      pansy-asses
      want
      you
      to
     
     
      believe
      that
      they
      “bought
      out”
      other
      companies.
     
     
      Hogwash!
      Tumer,
      who
      enjoys
      the
      game
      of
      base-
     
     
      ball,
      handled
      most
      of
      his
      negotiations
      with
      America
     
     
      Online
      while
      wielding
      a
      bat,
      a
      tomahawk,
      and
      a
     
     
      catcher’s
      mitt
      (which
      |
      hear
      is
      really
      intimidating).
      |
     
     
      even
      remember
      the
      day
      when
      Michael
      Eisner
     
     
      stormed
      the
      studios
      of
      ABC
      with
      his
      army
      of
     
     
      Muppets.
      |
      didn’t
      have
      no
      talking
      animals
      on
      my
     
     
      drunken
      team
      during
      my
      “coprorate
      buyout”,
      but
      all
     
     
      |
      really
      needed
      was
      a
      couple
      of
      muskets
      and
      the
     
     
      know-how
      to
      successfully
      take
      over
      a
      newspaper.
     
     
      Now
      the
      Faction
      is
      mine.
      Put
      that
      in
      your
      pipe
      and
     
     
      smoke
      it,
      Rupert
      Murdoch!
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
        
     
    
   
   
    
     
      me
      ee
      eo
      a
      a