-
      Stephan
      MacLeod
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      penis
      of
      a
      dragonfly
      is
     
     
      shaped
      like
      a
      shovel,
      and
      has
      the
     
     
      ability
      to
      scoop
      out
      a
      male
      rivals
     
     
      semen.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Next
      time
      a
      fundamen-
     
     
      talist
      Christian
      tries
      making
      the
     
     
      argument
      that
      homosexuality
      goes
     
     
      against
      nature,
      be
      sure
      to
      remind
     
     
      them
      how
      fucked
      up
      nature
      is
      by
     
     
      chasing
      them
      with
      a
      shovel
      while
     
     
      screaming
      that
      you
      want
      their
     
     
      semen.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      word
      pornography'
     
     
      comes
      from
      the
      Greek
      meaning
      the
     
     
      "writings
      of
      prostitutes".
     
     
      OPINION:
      Does
      that
      mean
      The
     
     
      Cadre
      is
      pornography?
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      In
      Ancient
      Greece,
      women
     
     
      would
      expose
      their
      vaginas
      to
      ward
     
     
      off
      storms
      at
      sea.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      OPINION:
      If
      we
      want
      to
      avoid
     
     
      another
      Hurricane
      Juan,
      I
      suggest
     
     
      we
      get
      those
      vaginas
      out
      where
      we
     
     
      can
      see
      them.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      In
      Ancient
      Greece
      and
     
     
      Rome,
      dildos
      were
      made
      out
      of
     
     
      animal
      horns,
      gold,
      silver,
      ivory
     
     
      and
      glass.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Guys
      seeking
      loose
     
     
      women
      would
      look
      for
      them
      at
      the
     
     
      farms
      with
      all
      the
      horn-less
      ani-
     
     
      mals.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      While
      nudity
      was
      consid-
     
     
      ered
      commonplace
      to
      the
      ancient
     
     
      Greeks,
      a
      man
      was
      considered
     
     
      indecent
      if
      he
      had
      an
      exposed
      erec-
     
     
      tion.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      An
      exposed
      erection
      is
     
     
      indecent,
      but
      if
      it's
      only
      semi-erect
     
     
      and
      hanging
      out
      of
      a
      pair
      of
     
     
      unzipped
      pants,
      I
      just
      pretend
      not
     
     
      to
      notice...until
      someone
      points
      out
     
     
      that
      my
      zipper's
      down.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Both
      humans
      and
      porpoises
     
     
      have
      one
      social
      sex
      practice
      in
     
     
      common
      -
      group
      sex.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Try
      explaining
      that
      to
     
     
      the
      angry
      zookeeper.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      penguin
      only
      has
      one
     
     
      single
      orgasm
      in
      a
      year.
     
     
      OPINION:
      Penguins
      don't
      have
     
     
      much
      sex
      because
      they
      are
      saving
     
     
      themselves
      for
      that
      special
      some-
     
     
      one.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      rhinoceros
      has
      a
      penis
     
     
      about
      two
      feet
      long.
      oe
     
     
      OPINION:
      Wow,
      that's
      almost
      as
     
     
      big
      as
      a
      midget.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      Black
      Widow
      spider
     
     
      eats
      her
      mate
      during
      or
      after
      sex.
     
     
      OPINION:
      I
      eat
      bowls
      of
      cereal
     
     
      during
      or
      after
      sex.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      A
      bull
      can
      inseminate
      300
     
     
      cows
      from
      one
      single
      ejaculation.
     
     
      OPINION:
      Thus
      the
      term
      "bulls-
     
    
   
   
    
     
      eye”.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      sperm
      of
      a
      mouse
      is
     
    
   
   
    
     
      _
      actually
      longer
      than
      the
      sperm
      of
     
    
   
   
    
     
      an
      elephant.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      I
      wish
      I
      was
      in
      the
      lab-
     
     
      oratory
      the
      day
      the
      scientists
      had
     
     
      the
      contest
      to
      see
      which
      animal
      has
     
     
      the
      biggest
      sperm.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Sex
      education
      was
      first
     
    
   
   
    
     
      -
      introduced
      into
      English
      schools
      i
      in
     
    
   
   
    
     
      1889.
     
     
      OPINION:
      And
      so
      was
      born
      a
     
     
      long
      tradition
      of
      gym
      teachers
     
    
   
   
    
     
      '
      awkwardly
      explaining
      to
      children
     
    
   
   
    
     
      what
      a
      clitoris
      is.
      |
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Cleopatra
      invented
      her
      own
     
     
      diaphragm
      from
      camel's
      poop.
     
     
      OPINION:
      It
      would
      be
      like
      anal
     
     
      sex,
      but
      unnecessarily
      so.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Eating
      the
      heart
      of
      a
      male
     
     
      Partridge
      was
      the
      cure
      for
      impo-
     
     
      tence
      in
      ancient
      Babylon.
     
     
      OPINION:
      If
      that
      doesn't
      help
      you
     
     
      get
      a
      great
      big
      erection,
      nothing
     
     
      will.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      left
      testicle
      usually
     
     
      hangs
      lower
      than
      the
      right
      for
     
     
      right-handed
      men.
      The
      opposite
      is
     
     
      true
      for
      lefties.
      :
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      You
      can
      tell
      if
      someone
     
     
      is
      ambidextrous
      because
      their
      testi-
     
     
      cles
      drag
      around
      on
      the
      floor.
      -
     
    
   
   
    
     
      (Politically
      Incorrect)
     
     
      Halloween
      Poems
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Last
      Hallow
      Eve,
     
    

    
     
      I
      sought
      a
      walnut
      tree
     
    

    
     
      In
      hopes
      my
      true
      love's
      face
     
    

    
     
      I
      would
      see.
     
    

    
     
      Three
      times
      I
      called,
     
    

    
     
      Three
      times
      I
      walked
      apace,
     
    

    
     
      Then
      in
      the
      tree
     
    

    
     
      I
      was
      my
      true
      love's
      face.
     
     
      -1912
      Halloween
      Greetings
      postcard
     
    
   
   
    
     
      He
      likes
      the
      attic
      of
      an
      aging
      house.
     
     
      His
      fingers
      make
      a
      hat
      about
      his
     
    
   
   
    
     
      head.
     
     
      His
      pulse
      is
      so
      slow
      we
      think
      him
     
    
   
   
    
     
      dead.
     
     
      He
      loops
      in
      crazy
      figures
      half
      the
     
    
   
   
    
     
      night.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      By
      day
      the
      bat
      is
      cousin
      to
      the
      mouse.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Among
      the
      trees
      that
      face
      the
      corner
     
     
      light.
     
    

    
     
      But
      when
      he
      brushes
      up
      against
      the
     
     
      screen,
     
    
   
   
    
     
      _
      Weare
      afraid
      of
      what
      our
      eyes
      have
     
     
      -
      seen:
     
    
   
   
    
     
      For
      something
      is
      amiss
      or
      out
      of
      place
     
     
      When
      mice
      with
      wings
      can
      wear
      a
     
    
   
   
    
     
      human
      face.
     
     
      -Theodore
      Roethke
     
    
   
   
    
     
      A
      man
      lost
      his
      wife
      on
      a
      Saturday
     
     
      night,
     
     
      and
      where
      do
      you
      think
      he
      found
      her?
     
     
      Away
      in
      the
      sky,
      flying
      so
      high,
     
     
      with
      the
      stars
      and
      the
      moon
      all
     
     
      around
      her.
     
    

    
     
      -anon.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Discover
      Japan!
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
      Japan
      Exchange
      and
      teaching
      Programme
      is
      looking
      for
     
     
      candidates
      to
      participate
      as
      assistant
      English
      teachers
      in
      a
      one
      year
     
     
      cultural
      exchange,
      beginning
      in
      July
      2004.
      Live,
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      and
     
     
      experience
      first-hand
      the
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      the
     
    
   
   
    
     
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      inclides
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      competitive
      salary,
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      and
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      to
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      from
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      The
      Consulate
      General
      of
      Japan
      at
      Montreal,
      with
      the
      help
      of
      the
      University
      of
     
     
      PRI's
      Student
      Ranployment
      Centre,
      ix
      pleased
      to
      men
      Merete
      sesado
      m:
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Bale:
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ~
      Getober
      30,
      2003
      from
      12:00
      te
      2200
      pm
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Place:
      Student
      Uston
      Board
      room
      W.A.
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      20d
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      .:page
      [6]
      October
      29,
      2003:.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      TO
      APPLY
     
    
   
   
    
     
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      forms
      can
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      ded
      ie
     
     
      downkaded
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      at:
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      formation:
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      deadline:
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      2003
      (postmarked)