Fact
      and
      Opinion
     
    
   
   
    
     
      by
      Stephan
      MacLEOD
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Gorillas
      are
      shy
      and
      peaceful.
     
     
      The
      only
      natural
      enemy
      of
      gorillas
      has
     
     
      always
      been
      human
      beings.
      Gorillas
     
     
      are
      still
      hunted
      for
      meat
      (bushmeat)
     
     
      and
      trophies
      in
      some
      parts
      of
      Africa,
     
     
      and
      they
      are
      caught
      in
      traps
      set
      for
     
     
      other
      animals.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      If
      gorillas
      are
      so
      “shy
      and
     
     
      peaceful”,
      then
      who
      put
      the
      bug
      up
     
     
      their
      ass
      on
      that
      damned
      Planet
      of
      the
     
     
      Apes?
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Gorillas
      communicate
      with
     
     
      each
      other
      by
      using
      gestures,
      body
     
     
      postures,
      facial
      expressions,
      vocal
     
     
      sounds,
      chestslaps,
      drumming
      and
     
     
      odors.
      Although
      they
      cannot
      make
      the
     
     
      sounds
      of
      human
      speech,
      gorillas
      are
     
     
      capable
      of
      understanding
      spoken
      lan-
     
     
      guages
      and
      they
      can
      learn
      to
      commu-
     
     
      nicate
      in
      sign
      language.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Just
      because
      they
      can
      com-
     
     
      municate
      in
      sign
      language,
      doesn’t
     
     
      mean
      we
      should
      give
      them
      their
      own
     
     
      radio
      shows.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Gorillas
      are
      very
      intelligent,
     
     
      and
      they
      share
      with
      us
      a
      full
      range
      of
     
     
      emotions:
      love,
      hate,
      fear,
      grief,
      joy,
     
     
      greed,
      generosity,
      pride,
      shame,
      empa-
     
     
      thy
      and
      jealousy.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      OPINION:
      Unlike
      most
      robots,
      goril-
     
     
      las
      feel
      shame
      when
      they
      kill
      their
     
     
      master.
     
    

    
     
      FACT:
      They
      laugh
      when
      they
      are
      tick-
     
     
      led
      and
      cry
      when
      they
      are
      sad
      or
      hurt.
     
     
      OPINION:
      You’d
      be
      surprised
      how
     
     
      ticklish
      a
      500
      pound
      monkey
      is
      when
     
     
      you
      touch
      its
      special
      area.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Gorillas
      cry
      with
      sounds,
      not
     
     
      tears.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      I
      cry
      with
      sounds
      and
      tears
     
     
      when
      a
      gorilla
      mistakes
      me
      for
      a
     
     
      banana
      salesman.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      A
      typical
      gorilla
      family
     
     
      includes
      one
      silverback,
      the
      strongest
     
     
      male
      and
      the
      undisputed
      leader;
      one
     
     
      immature
      male
      between
      8
      and
      13
     
     
      years
      old;
      three
      or
      four
      adult
      females,
     
     
      who
      ordinarily
      stay
      with
      the
      silver-
     
     
      back
      for
      life;
      and
      three
      to
      six
      young-
     
     
      sters
      under
      8
      years
      old.
      Some
      groups
     
     
      are
      larger
      or
      smaller
      than
      this,
      and
     
     
      males
      sometimes
      travel
      alone
      or
      form
     
     
      bachelor
      groups.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Having
      three
      of
      four
      adult
     
     
      females
      might
      seem
      ideal
      for
      most
      sil-
     
     
      verbacks,
      but
      it’s
      tough
      work
      to
      keep
     
     
      track
      of
      all
      their
      birthdays.
     
    

    
     
      FACT:
      Gorillas
      sleep
      about
      13
      hours
     
    
   
   
    
     
      each
      night
      and
      rest
      for
      several
      hours
      at
     
     
      midday.
      They
      build
      new
      sleeping
      nests
     
     
      every
      night
      by
      bending
      nearby
      plants
     
     
      into
      a
      springy
      platform,
      usually
      on
      the
     
     
      ground
      or
      in
      low
      trees.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      You’d
      get
      tired
      too,
      if
      you
     
     
      were
      constantly
      being
      harassed
      by
     
     
      Dian
      Fossey
      (or
      Dr
      Jane
      Goodall
      -
     
     
      whichever’s
      less
      unfunny).
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      When
      not
      resting
      they
      spend
     
     
      most
      of
      their
      time
      looking
      for
      food
     
     
      and
      eating
      it.
      They
      eat
      mostly
      plant
     
     
      foods:
      leaves,
      shoots,
      fruits,
      bulbs,
     
     
      bark,
      vines
      and
      nettles.
      They
      also
      eat
     
     
      ants,
      termites,
      grubs,
      worms
      and
     
     
      insect
      larvae.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Those
      poor
      creatures.
      Why
     
     
      won’t
      anybody
      feed
      them
      some
     
     
      Chicken
      McNuggets?
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      There
      are
      three
      types
      of
      goril-
     
     
      las:
      Western
      Lowland,
      Eastern
     
     
      Lowland
      and
      Mountain
      gorillas.
      The
     
     
      names
      refer
      to
      the
      different
      areas
      of
     
     
      Africa
      where
      they
      live.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      You
      could
      get
      specific
      and
     
     
      use
      a
      different
      name
      to
      indicate
      where
     
     
      each
      type
      of
      gorilla
      lives,
      or
      you
      can
     
     
      try
      and
      force
      consumers
      to
      guess
     
     
      which
      part
      of
      Africa
      their
      monkey
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Hawktaler
      Couchiard
     
    
   
   
    
     
      meat
      tastes
      like.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Mountain
      gorillas
      are
      the
      most
     
     
      critically
      endangered,
      with
      conserva-
     
     
      tive
      estimates
      of
      only
      400
      to
      600
      liv-
     
     
      ing
      at
      this
      time.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Living
      in
      the
      mountains
     
     
      allows
      these
      gorillas
      to
      get
      a
      good
      shot
     
     
      at
      the
      humans
      below
      them
      when
      they
     
     
      are
      throwing
      feces.
     
    

    
     
      FACT:
      In
      the
      past,
      whenever
      an
      infant
     
     
      gorilla
      was
      captured
      for
      a
      zoo,
      the
     
     
      mother
      and
      often
      the
      other
      members
     
     
      of
      the
      family
      were
      killed
      as
      they
     
     
      defended
      the
      baby.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      That
      makes
      sense.
      Mothers
     
     
      tend
      to
      overreact
      when
      you’re
      trying
     
     
      to
      kidnap
      their
      young.
      Just
      ask
     
     
      Macauley
      Culkin.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Now
      the
      most
      serious
      threat
      to
     
     
      free-living
      gorillas
      is
      the
      human
      popu-
     
     
      lation
      explosion.
      As
      more
      and
      more
     
     
      people
      take
      over
      the
      land
      for
      agricul-
     
     
      ture,
      logging
      and
      other
      development,
     
     
      the
      gorillas
      have
      nowhere
      left
      to
      go.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      The
      solution
      for
      most
     
     
      problems
      like
      this
      is
      to
      either
      build
      a
     
     
      call
      center
      and
      put
      these
      gorillas
      to
     
     
      work,
      or
      a
      casino
      so
      we
      can
      take
      their
     
     
      money
      before
      they
      all
      kill
      themselves.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Nine
      sprring
      is
      coaning!
      |
     
    
   
   
    
     
      nmnnm
      Ces’t
      pas
      spring
     
     
      mais
      Fawll.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      [14]
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      NMNNMMNN
      mon
      dos,
      au
     
     
      saucure
      au
      saucure!!!!1f