By
      Trent
      Drake
     
    

    
     
      This
      week:
      Clockwise
     
    

    
     
      We're
      back,
      B-buffs!
      The
      holidays
      were
      a
      lot
     
     
      shorter
      than
      we
      might
      have
      wished,
      but
      now
     
     
      that
      we’re
      back
      in
      the
      swing
      of
      things
      let’s
      get
     
     
      straight
      to
      the
      movie.
     
    

    
     
      Take
      one
      super-punctual
      and
      ultra-strict
     
     
      headmaster
      (school
      principal,
      to
      you).
      Mix
      in
     
     
      abad
      case
      of
      mixed
      directions,
      add
      one
      slightly
     
     
      baked
      student
      in
      her
      parent’s
      classic
      car,
      gar-
     
     
      nish
      with
      monks
      and
      enjoy.
      That’s
      basically
     
     
      how
      to
      make
      a
      movie
      like
      Clockwise.
     
    

    
     
      Now,
      I
      don’t
      normally
      review
      B-grade
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      After
      a
      futile
      search
      for
      A)
      his
      wife
      or
     
     
      B)
      acab
      to
      Norwich,
      he
      fortunately
      finds
      C)
      a
     
     
      very
      nervous
      student
      that
      he
      catches
      skipping
     
     
      classes
      and
      who
      (joy
      of
      joys)
      has
      a
      car.
      Off
      to
     
     
      Norwich
      without
      a
      hitch,
      then?
      Not
      on
      your
     
     
      life,
      mate.
      There’s
      still
      a
      whole
      obstacle
     
     
      course
      of
      delays
      to
      overcome,
      like
      cows
      and
     
     
      muddy
      field
      and
      parked
      police
      cars
      and
      phones
     
     
      that
      don’t
      work
      and
      on
      and
      on
      and
      on...
     
    

    
     
      Acting
      (Or
      Lack
      Thereof):
      Cleese
      is
     
     
      the
      movie’s
      star,
      and
      he’s
      great.
      As
      his
      self-
     
     
      control
      erodes
      along
      with
      his
      schedule,
      he
     
     
      slowly
      becomes
      more
      and
      more
      neurotic.
      He
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      constantly
      repeats
      his
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      comedies
      in
      this
      column,
      be-
     
    
   
   
    
     
      cause
      they
      usually
      aren’t
      What
      makes
      him
      speech
      to
      try
      and
      remem-
     
     
      funny.
      The
      bad
      production
      .
      ber
      it
      all,
      but
      mutates
      it
     
     
      or
      mediocre
      script
      rob
      them
      funny
      1S
      how
      well
      he
      into
      a
      truly
      hilarious
      piece
     
     
      ofeven
      unintentional
      laughs.
      of
      Python-esque
      nonsense.
     
     
      But
      Clockwise
      is
      different.
      |
      reacts
      when
      set
      The
      bit
      characters
      are
      not
     
     
      cansumupwhyintwowords:
      adrift
      in
      a
      world
      that
      so
      important
      and
      I’ve
      for-
     
     
      John
      Cleese.
      Lye
      gotten
      their
      names
      any-
     
    

    
     
      John
      Cleese
      is
      funny.
      Appears
      tO
      EX1St
      JUSt
      how
      so
      it
      doesn’t
      really
     
    
   
   
    
     
      He’s
      theepitome
      ofthe
      stern,
     
     
      cold,
      deadly
      serious
      Brit.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      to
      make
      him
      look
     
    
   
   
    
     
      matter,
      but
      you
      should
     
     
      keep
      an
      eye
      out
      for
      the
     
    
   
   
    
     
      What
      makes
      him
      funny
      is
      1
      J
      ¢
      four
      senile
      old
      ladies
      who
     
    

    
     
      how
      well
      he
      reacts
      when
      set
      silly
      He
      stays
      keep
      roaming
      through
      the
     
    

    
     
      adrift
      in
      a
      world
      that
      appears
      serious,
      and
      gets
      scenery
      in
      an
      incoherent
     
    

    
     
      to
      exist
      just
      to
      make
      him
      look
      haze.
     
    

    
     
      silly:
      He
      stays
      serious,
      and
      angry.
      The
      Technical
      Stuff:
     
     
      The
      one
      flaw
      of
      this
      movie
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      getsangry.
      And
      this
      struggle
     
     
      to
      keep
      his
      dignity
      in
      the
      most
      inane
      of
      situa-
     
     
      tions
      is
      what
      makes
      Clockwise
      work.
     
    

    
     
      Cleese
      plays
      Headmaster
      Stimpson,
      a
     
     
      man
      with
      a
      passion
      for
      time.
      Every
      moment
      of
     
     
      his
      life
      is
      plotted
      out
      to
      the
      second.
      He
      knows
     
     
      each
      of
      his
      students
      by
      name,
      seems
      almost
     
     
      psychically
      tuned
      to
      catch
      disobedience,
      and
     
     
      has
      absolutely
      no
      sense
      of
      humour
      whatso-
     
     
      ever.
      Right
      from
      the
      word
      go,
      you
      know
      he’s
     
     
      in
      for
      it.
     
    

    
     
      Stimpson
      has
      the
      most
      important
      meet-
     
     
      ing
      of
      his
      life
      today.
      He’s
      going
      to
      be
      sworn
      in
     
     
      as
      chairman
      of
      an
      influential
      group
      of
      head-
     
     
      masters.
      He
      wants
      to
      arrive
      in
      Norwich
      at
     
     
      precisely
      three
      o’clock
      to
      greet
      everyone
      be-
     
     
      fore
      his
      speech
      at
      five.
      But
      despite
      his
      uncanny
     
     
      knack
      for
      time,
      he
      has
      no
      sense
      of
      direction
      and
     
     
      when
      he
      goes
      to
      the
      station,
      he
      gets
      on
      the
     
     
      wrong
      train.
      Too
      late,
      he
      realizes
      the
      train
     
     
      pulling
      out
      across
      the
      station
      is
      his...
      and
      he’s
     
     
      just
      missed
      it.
      Running
      like
      he
      has
      a
      stoat
      in
      his
     
     
      drawers,
      he
      misses
      his
      wife
      as
      she
      pulls
      away
     
     
      from
      the
      station
      to
      run
      errands.
      Then
      it’s
      offto
     
     
      the
      races
      again,
      because
      he’s
      left
      his
      all-
     
     
      important
      speech
      on
      the
      wrong
      train.
      And
      he
     
     
      misses
      that
      one
      too.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      January
      17,1995
     
    
   
   
    
     
      is
      how
      cheap
      it
      looks.
      It
      looks
      more
      like
      a
     
     
      1970’s
      TV
      movie
      than
      a
      1986
      feature.
      The
     
     
      colours
      are
      faded,
      the
      audio
      occasionally
      hard
     
     
      to
      makes
      out
      and
      there’s
      no
      polish
      to
      the
     
     
      presentation.
      It
      may
      move
      with
      Swiss
      preci-
     
     
      sion,
      but
      it
      looks
      like
      a
      Mickey
      Mouse
      watch.
     
    

    
     
      Stuff
      To
      Watch
      For:
      Too
      much
      to
      go
     
     
      into
      here...
      the
      plot
      is
      so
      intricate
      that
      you
      can’t
     
     
      quote
      from
      it
      without
      noting
      everything
      that
     
     
      came
      before.
     
    

    
     
      The
      Bottom
      Line:
      Once
      you
      get
      past
     
     
      the
      cheap
      look
      and
      feel
      of
      the
      movie
      and
      get
     
     
      sucked
      into
      the
      clockwork
      plot,
      you
      have
      a
     
     
      tremendous
      amount
      of
      fun.
      Besides,
      it’s
      got
     
     
      John
      Cleese!
      This
      neat
      little
      movie
      is
      one
      of
     
     
      the
      true
      rarities
      of
      cinema:
      a
      good
      B-comedy.
     
    

    
     
      Next
      Week:
      Hold
      on
      to
      that
      big,
      furry
     
     
      lug
      as
      tight
      as
      you
      can,
      cause
      we’re
      gonna
      trip
     
     
      out
      on
      anime!
      My
      Neighbour
      Totoro!
      Black
     
     
      Magic
      M-66!
      Fire
      Tripper!
      More
      Japanese
     
     
      cartoons
      that
      you
      shouldn’t
      watch
      on
      any
      form
     
     
      of
      substance!
     
    

    
     
      Available
      at:
      Off
      The
      Wall
      Video,
     
     
      Richmond
      Street,
      across
      from
      the
      Confedera-
     
     
      tion
      Center.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Nintendo
      and
      the’
     
     
      Next
      Generation.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      By
      Trevor
      Cuthbertson
     
    

    
     
      Some
      of
      you
      (well,
      very
      few
      of
      you)
      might
     
     
      know
      me
      from
      the
      ‘‘Dimension
      X’’
      show
      on
     
     
      CIMN
      every
      Tuesday
      night.
      I
      was
      going
      to
     
     
      submit
      an
      article
      that
      on
      my
      all
      time
      Top
      7
     
     
      albums.
      But
      since
      I
      am
      a
      big
      nut
      on
      video
     
     
      games
      and
      there's
      plenty
      of
      hype
      going
      around
     
     
      about
      these
      so
      called
      ‘‘New
      Generation’’
      sys-
     
     
      tems,
      it
      seems
      impossible
      to
      know
      which
      one
     
     
      will
      be
      the
      best
      of
      them,
      and
      more
      importantly,
     
     
      the
      best
      value
      for
      your
      money.
      So
      here's
      a
     
     
      guide
      to
      all
      the
      new
      game
      systems.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ‘*Super
      Space
      Harrier’’.
      The
      asking
      price
      is
     
     
      $197.98.
      :
      EB
     
     
      One
      would
      think
      Sega
      would
      want
      to
     
     
      rest
      on
      its
      laurels
      and
      let
      this
      new
      system
     
     
      develop.
      Guess
      again.
      Sega’s
      planning
      on
     
     
      releasing
      ANOTHER
      new
      system
      called
      the
     
     
      Saturn
      sometime
      next
      year.
      This
      system
      will
     
     
      feature
      state-of-the-art
      technology
      and
      home
     
     
      version
      of
      ‘‘Virtua
      Fighter’’
      and
      ‘“Daytona
     
     
      Racing’’.
      Will
      Sega
      abandon
      the
      32X
      for
      the
     
     
      Saturn?
      Wait
      and
      see!
     
    

    
     
      And
      there
      are
      more
      new
      contenders
      on
     
     
      the
      way!
      Nintendo
      is
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Let’sstart
      things
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      off
      with
      the
      3DO
      by
     
     
      Panasonic.
      3DO
      got
     
     
      off
      to
      a
      very
      bad
      start
     
     
      when
      it
      was
      released
     
     
      last
      year.
      The
      system
     
     
      price
      was
      very
      high,
      and
     
     
      only
      two
      games
      were
     
     
      available.
      But
      over
     
     
      time,
      the
      system
      price
     
     
      has
      dropped
      (though
      not
     
     
      by
      much)
      and
      the
      soft-
     
     
      ware
      library
      has
      begun
     
     
      to
      grow.
      Now
      popular
     
     
      titlessuchas
      ‘‘Doom’’,
     
     
      ‘*Super
      Wing
      Com-
     
     
      mander’’,
      and
      ‘‘Samu-
     
     
      rai
      Showdown’’
      are
     
     
      available.
      But
      even
      the
     
     
      reduced
      system
      price,
     
     
      $499.95,
      is
      still
      too
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Another
      scenario,.sees.
     
     
      a
      whole
      ton
      of
      neat
     
     
      new
      games
      being
      re-
     
     
      leased...
      for
      every
     
     
      system
      except
      the
      one
     
     
      you
      bought.
      You
      end
     
     
      up
      out
      several
      hun-
     
     
      dred
      dollars:for
      a
      use-
     
     
      less
      system
      and
      you
     
     
      look
      like
      a
      fool.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      getting
      ready
      for
      their
     
     
      new
      system,
      the
      Ultra-
     
     
      64,
      which
      we
      won’t
      see
     
     
      until
      fall
      of
      next
      year.
     
     
      This
      system
      is
      rumoured
     
     
      to
      be
      fast
      and
      powerful,
     
     
      but
      we’ll
      have
      to
      wait
      to
     
     
      see
      if
      the
      games
      live
      up
     
     
      to
      the
      technology
     
     
      (though
      ‘‘Killer
      In-
     
     
      stinct’’
      looks
      pretty
     
     
      cool).
      Sony
      will
      soon
     
     
      unveil
      their
      own
      system,
     
     
      the
      Playstation.
      This
     
     
      system
      doesn’t
      look
      too
     
     
      bad
      (it
      doesn’t
      have
      the
     
     
      technical
      hype
      that
      the
     
     
      Ultra-64
      or
      the
     
     
      Saturn
      have).
      Itdoes
      has
     
     
      a
      very
      promising
      line
      of
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      steep
      for
      my
      wallet.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      titles
      planned,
      but
      again,
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Another
      new
      contender
      in
      the
      video
     
     
      game
      market
      is
      the
      Atari
      Jaguar.
      Finally,
     
     
      Atari
      is
      looking
      ahead
      instead
      of
      recycling
     
     
      long
      dead
      2600
      games.
      The
      Jaguar
      has
      good
     
     
      software,
      like
      ‘“Tempest
      2000”’
      (the
      system’s
     
     
      current
      hit),
      ‘‘Kasumi
      Ninja’’
      (a
      game
      in
      the
     
     
      "Mortal
      Kombat"
      vein),
      and
      the
      cool-looking
     
     
      ‘*
      Aliens
      vs.
      Predator’.
      Unfortunately,
      the
      rest
     
     
      of
      the
      Jaguar
      library
      is
      pretty
      mediocre.
      The
     
     
      current
      price
      for
      the
      system
      is
      $299.95.
      It
      isn’t
     
     
      sold
      anywhere
      on
      the
      Island.
     
    

    
     
      A
      system
      that
      has
      sort
      of
      kept
      quiet
     
     
      since
      its
      release
      last
      year
      is
      the
      CD-I
      by
      Phillips.
     
     
      While
      there
      are
      game
      program
      available,
      it’s
     
     
      really
      more
      of
      an
      interactive
      machine
      than
      a
     
     
      video
      game
      system
      (it
      plays
     
     
      information\educational
      cds,
      specially
      de-
     
     
      signed
      movies,
      regular
      CDs
      and
      so
      on).
      Among
     
     
      the
      games
      available
      are
      ‘‘7th
      Guest’’,
      an
      adap-
     
     
      tation
      of
      the
      arcade
      smash
      ‘‘Mad
      Dog
     
     
      McCree’’,
      and
      the
      classic
      interactive
      cartoon
     
     
      ‘*Dragon’s
      Lair’’.
      But
      the
      game
      library
      is
     
     
      really
      pretty
      small.
      While
      the
      machine
      is
     
     
      versatile,
      at
      a
      price
      of
      $389.00,
      it’s
      not
      for
      the
     
     
      hard-core
      gamer.
     
    

    
     
      And
      then
      there’s
      the
      32X
      upgrade
      for
     
     
      the
      Sega
      Genesis.
      This
      system
      add-on
      has
     
     
      potential,
      especially
      for
      those
      Genesis
      owners
     
     
      who
      want
      to
      upgrade
      without
      changing
      sys-
     
     
      tems.
      The
      game
      line-up
      sounds
      impressive:
     
     
      ‘*Virtua
      Racing
      Deluxe’’,
      ‘‘Star
      Wars’’,
      and
     
    
   
   
    
     
      we'll
      just
      have
      to
      wait.
      One
      game
      really
      |
     
     
      looking
      forward
      to
      is
      "Toshiden".
     
    

    
     
      Anyway,
      atthe
      moment
      your
      best
      bet
      is
     
     
      to
      keep
      playing
      your
      Sega
      Genesis
      or
      Super
     
     
      Nintendo.
      Right
      now
      it’s
      too
      early
      to
      tell
     
     
      who’ll
      come
      out
      on
      top.
      Yes,
      there
      is
      a
      good
     
     
      chance
      one
      or
      two
      of
      these
      systems
      could
     
     
      quickly
      corner
      the
      marke
      (remember
      how
     
     
      quickly
      the
      Turbographx-16
      bit
      the
      dust
      once
     
     
      Sega
      snatched
      up
      all
      the
      lucrative
      third
      party
     
     
      developers?),
      but
      you’ll
      be
      happier
      if
      you
      wait
     
     
      until
      these
      systems
      become
      established
      and
     
     
      have
      larger
      libraries.
      Then
      you
      can
      go
      downto
     
     
      your
      local
      video
      store
      and
      rent
      whatever
      game
     
     
      you
      want.
      Also,
      look
      for
      the
      system
      you
      that
     
     
      is
      best
      for
      you.
      Does
      it
      have
      your
      favourite
     
     
      titles?
      Can
      you
      afford
      to
      switch
      to
      a
      new
     
     
      system?.
      Be
      very
      careful.
      The
      system
      you
      buy
     
     
      in
      haste
      today
      for
      $500
      might
      drop
      to
      $250
     
     
      within
      months.
      Another
      scenario
      sees
      a
      whole
     
     
      ton
      of
      neat
      new
      games
      being
      released...
      for
     
     
      every
      system
      except
      the
      one
      you
      bought.
      You
     
     
      end
      up
      out
      several
      hundred
      dollars
      for
      a
      useless
     
     
      system
      and
      you
      look
      like
      a
      fool.
     
    

    
     
      I’mnot
      saying
      these
      new
      systemsaren’t
     
     
      worth
      a
      good
      look,
      but
      you
      shouldn’t
      commit
     
     
      to
      any
      of
      them
      just
      yet.
      Just
      wait
      a
      year,
      maybe
     
     
      two,
      until
      we
      know
      who
      the
      winners
      are.
      Right
     
     
      now
      there’s
      a
      lot
      of
      smoke
      on
      the
      ‘‘New
     
     
      Generation’’
      battlefield.
      Wait
      until
      the
      smoke
     
     
      clears
      to
      make
      your
      move.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      —"