ci
      i
      fy
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      PEL
      STUDEMT
      MEWSPAPER
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      E-in-C
      :
     
     
      thomas
      LLOYD
     
     
      production
      manager
     
     
      rebecca
      SHORTEN
     
     
      copy
      editor
     
     
      will
      PATE
     
     
      culture
      editor
     
     
      brad
      DEIGHAN
     
     
      news
      editor
     
     
      nick
      STEWART
     
     
      sports
      editor
     
     
      steve
      MCMANUS
     
     
      reporters
     
     
      jon
      SMITH
     
     
      robert
      MacPHERSON
     
     
      Vacant
     
    
   
   
    
     
      advertising
      manager
     
     
      matt
      O7
      HALLORAN
     
    
   
   
    
     
      contributers
     
     
      Ryan
      Gallant
     
     
      Sjors
      Reijers
     
     
      Ruth
      Mathiang
     
     
      Joel
      Meggs
     
     
      Chris
      Power
     
     
      Andriana
      Lopez
     
     
      Mack
      Cameron
     
     
      Sean
      Brady
     
     
      Belinda
      Johnson
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
      Cadre
      is
      the
      official
      newspaper
      of
      the
      UPEL
     
     
      Student
      Union.
      2,000
      copies
      of
      The
      Cadre
      are
      print-
     
     
      ed
      10
      times
      per
      semester.
      There
      are
      meetings
      open
     
     
      to
      anyone
      Mondays
      @
      4:15
      and
      on
      Fridays
      @
     
     
      1:30
      in
      room
      213
      in
      the
      W.A.Murphy
      Student
     
     
      Centre.
      The
      deadline
      for
      submissions
      is
      Thursday
      at
     
     
      midnight.
      The
      opinions
      expressed
      within
      The
      Cadre
     
     
      do
      not
      necessarily
      represent
      the
      views
      of
      UPEI
      or
     
     
      the
      UPEI
      Student
      Union
      Inc.
     
    

    
     
      The
      Cadre
      is
      a
      full
      member
      of
      Canadian
     
     
      University
      Press
      (CUP).
      The
      Cadre
      is
      represented
     
     
      by
      Campus
      Plus
      for
      multi-market
      advertising.
     
     
      Campus
      Plus
      can
      be
      reached
      at
      1-800-265-5372.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
      Cadre
     
    

    
     
      UPE!I
      550
      University
      Ave.
     
     
      Charlottetown
      PE
      C1A
      4P3
     
     
      Tel:
      566-0629
      Fax:
      566-0979
     
     
      Ads:
      upeinewspaper@yahoo.ca
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Email:
      cadread@yahoo.com
     
     
      Room
      213
      SUB
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
         
     
     
       
     
     
         
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
          
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      I
      went
      to
      get
      an
      STD
      test
     
     
      this
      week,
      and
      I
      was
      told
      that
      all
      it
     
     
      entailed
      was
      to
      piss
      in
      a
      little
      cup.
     
     
      That's
      it.
      So
      I
      made
      an
      appoint-
     
     
      ment.
      It
      doesn't
      burn
      when
      I
      piss,
      I
     
     
      don't
      have
      little
      bugs
      running
     
     
      around,
      I
      don't
      have
      open
      sores.
     
     
      I
      just
      feel
      that
      STD
      tests
      are
      a
     
     
      good
      habit
      to
      get
      into.
     
    

    
     
      So.I
      went
      and
      I
      saw
      a
     
     
      nurse,
      and
      she
      asked
      what
      I
      was
     
     
      getting
      done.
      I
      told
      her
      a
      STD
      test,
     
     
      and
      she
      worriedly
      asked
      if
      I
      _
     
     
      thought
      I
      had
      a
      STI.
      I
      responded
     
     
      "No,
      but
      I've
      never
      had
      one
      done,
     
     
      and
      I've
      had
      unprotected
      sex
      with
     
     
      three
      girls."
     
    

    
     
      She
      looked
      at
      me
      and
      was
     
     
      very
      shocked,
      and
      said
      "Oh
      my!
     
     
      You
      can't
      be
      doing
      that,
      three
      is
     
     
      way
      too
      many
      and
      it
      only
      takes
      on
     
     
      mistake
      and..."
     
    

    
     
      Holy
      crap
      I'm
      glad
      I
      didn't
     
     
      tell
      the
      truth...
     
    

    
     
      Eventually
      the
      doctor
      came
     
     
      in
      and
      talked
      to
      me
      for
      a
      bit,
      and
     
     
      showed
      me
      the
      little
      cup
      I
      had
      to
     
     
      piss
      in.
      This
      was
      looking
      to
      be
     
     
      very
      convenient.
      Then
      he
      said
      "But
     
     
      first
      why
      don't
      you
      stand
      up
      and
     
     
      just
      drop
      your
      pants."
     
    

    
     
      I
      did
      so,
      and
      he
      slid
      a
      chair
     
     
      up
      to
      me
      and
      put
      on
      reading
      glass-
     
     
      es.
      Fuck,
      this
      is
      starting
      to
      get
     
     
      awkward.
     
    

    
     
      "First
      I'm
      going
      to
      check
     
     
      your
      lymph
      nodes"
      he
      said,
      and
     
     
      started
      pressing
      his
      fingers
      deep
     
    
   
   
    
     
      e:
      This
      is
      the
      fourth
      or
      fifth
     
    

    
     
      at
      The
      Cadre
      has
      pub-
     
    

    
     
      tive
      writing
      issue.
      The
      end
      of
     
     
      ;
      not
      the
      time
      for
      volunteers
     
     
      lot
      of
      extra
      work,
      so
      this
     
     
      chance
      to
      put
      in
      poems
     
    

    
     
      ich
      otherwise
      don't
      make
      it
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ,
      some
      news
      at
      the
      back,
     
     
      d
      reading
      the
      great
      stories
     
     
      e
      are
      some
      really
      good
     
     
      are
      some
      that
      will
      raise
      an
     
    
   
   
    
     
      one
      next
      term.
      —
     
    
   
   
    
     
      into
      my
      hips.
      Now
      one
      thing
      that
      I
     
     
      am
      is
      very
      very
      ticklish,
      especially
     
     
      when
      I'm
      nervous.
      So
      I'm
      standing
     
     
      there,
      not
      knowing
      what
      to
      do
      with
     
     
      my
      arms
      (put
      them
      on
      my
      hips,
      or
     
    
   
   
    
     
      My
      First
      Exam
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      behind
      my
      back,
      or
      twiddle
      my
     
     
      thumbs?),
      and
      his.
      head
      is
      right
      at
     
     
      my
      crotch,
      and
      I
      have
      the
      biggest
     
     
      grin
      on
      my
      face
      and
      am
      trying
      to
     
     
      hold
      back
      giggles.
      And
      then
      I
      got
     
     
      the
      idea
      of
      being
      ticklish
      in
      my
     
     
      brain.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      So
      after
      my
      lymph
      nodes
     
     
      were
      okay,
      he
      precedes
      to
      check
     
     
      for
      tumours
      in
      my
      nuts.
      And
      they
     
     
      are
      sensitive
      normally,
      but
      after
     
     
      having
      my
      hips
      tickled,
      having
      a
     
     
      doc
      roll
      my
      nuts
      around
      was
      too
     
     
      much.
      I
      had
      to
      close
      my
      eyes,
      and
     
     
      take
      deep
      breaths.
      "Everything's
     
     
      okay"
      I
      told
      myself.
      I
      was
      so
      close
     
     
      to
      losing
      my
      composure,
      and
     
     
      thought
      I
      was
      about
      to
      convulse
     
     
      and
      break
      into
      laughter,
      and
      then
     
     
      I'd
      have
      to
      give
      the
      doctor
      a
      loose
     
     
      wristed
      slap
      and
      say
      "Stop
      it!
      I'm
     
     
      ticklish!"
     
    

    
     
      Yet
      he
      finished
      just
      in
      time,
     
     
      and
      I
      was
      relieved.
      Then
      out
      of
     
     
      nowhere
      he
      said
      "I
      see
      you've
      been
     
     
      using
      a
      razor
      here."
      I
      thought
      to
     
     
      myself
      "Oh
      my
      God,
      he
      did
      not
     
     
      just
      say
      that."
      That
      is
      that
      last
     
    
   
   
    
     
      UPEI
      Cadre
      December
      2
      2003
      page
      2
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Student
      Union.
      But
     
     
      looked
      forward
      to
      it,
     
    
   
   
    
     
          
     
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      thing
      I
      want
      my
      doctor
      to
      say.
     
     
      Then
      he
      proceeded
      to
      tell
      me
      that
     
     
      most
      of
      the
      guys
      he's
      seen
      recently
     
     
      use
      razors,
      but
      in
      fact
      it
      is
      much
     
     
      better
      to
      use
      clippers.
     
    

    
     
      If
      you've
      made
      it
      this
      far
      in
     
     
      this
      story,
      here's
      my
      one
      bit
      of
     
     
      knowledge
      that
      I
      hope
      you
      get
     
     
      from
      this
      story.
      The
      doctor
      told
      me
     
     
      that
      using
      a
      razor
      on
      or
      around
     
     
      your
      genitals
      almost
      always
      leads
     
     
      to
      little
      cuts
      and
      knicks,
      and
      if
      you
     
     
      have
      sex
      with
      someone
      who
      has
      a
     
     
      STD
      it
      can
      get
      in
      that
      tiny
      cut
      and
     
     
      become
      a
      really
      nasty
      STI
      (the
      ‘I'
     
     
      is
      for
      infection).
     
    

    
     
      So
      there
      I
      was,
      with
      a
      doc-
     
     
      tor's
      head
      looking
      for
      warts
      or
     
     
      other
      things.
      He
      told
      me
      how
      to
     
     
      piss
      properly.
      I'm
      22
      and
      I
      guess
     
     
      I've
      been
      doing
      it
      wrong
      all
      along.
     
     
      I
      either
      have
      to
      retract
      my
      foreskin
     
     
      when
      I
      piss,
      or
      take
      dry
      the
      tip
      of
     
     
      my
      penis
      off
      after
      I
      take
      a
      leak.
      —
     
    

    
     
      Has
      anyone
      in
      my
      life
      ever
     
    
   
   
    
     
      -
      told
      me
      that?
      No.
      Am
      I
      likely
      to
     
    
   
   
    
     
      start
      following
      his
      advice?
      No,
      but
     
     
      I'm
      glad
      I
      got
      it.
      So
      then
      after
      all
     
     
      the
      fun
      of
      the
      exam
      I
      was
      finally
     
     
      given
      the
      little
      jar
      to
      piss
      in.
     
    

    
     
      I
      went
      to
      the
      bathroom,
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ‘went
      to
      piss,
      and
      realized
      that
      I
     
    
   
   
    
     
      had
      just
      pissed
      before
      I
      came
      to
     
     
      the
      doctor's
      office.
     
    

    
     
      "Gun
      shy,
      eh?"
     
    

    
     
      One
      of
      these
      days
      it's
      going
     
     
      to
      burn
      when
      I
      pee.