continued
      from
      page
      7...
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ness
      around
      him
      sucks
      you
      into
      his
      shoes.
      You
     
     
      can
      feel
      the
      same
      wonder
      as
      Colwyn.
      Unfortu-
     
     
      nately,
      Colwyn
      also
      has
      a
      really
      dumb
      grin,
     
     
      almost
      as
      bad
      as
      Reb
      Brown’s
      in
      Yor:
      Hunter
     
     
      From
      The
      Future.
      Ona
      more
      technical
      note,
      the
     
     
      final
      battle
      has
      Colwyn
      losing
      the
      Glaive
      but
     
     
      suddenly
      gaining
      the
      power
      to
      shoot
      fifty-foot
     
     
      long
      jets
      of
      flame
      from
      his
      fingertips.
      How
      does
     
     
      he
      gain
      this
      wonderful
      ability?
      He
      gets
      married
     
     
      in
      the
      heat
      of
      battle
      (pun
      intended).
      Imagine
      if
     
     
      someone
      walked
      up
      to
      you
      and
      said,
      ‘‘Quick,
     
     
      marry
      me!
      I
      need
      a
      flamethrower!’’
     
     
      This
      movie
      is
      beautiful
      yet
      corny,
      like
      a
     
     
      cockroach
      encased
      in
      diamond.
      The
      previously
     
     
      mentioned
      special
      effects
      really
      do
      look
      stun-
     
     
      ning.
      The
      Glaive
      is
      a
      beautiful
      and
      deadly
      piece
     
     
      of
      equipment.
      The
      group’s
      official
      moron,
      Ergo
     
     
      the
      Magnificent,
      transforms
      into
      various
      ani-
     
     
      mals
      using
      a
      primitive
      but
      effective
      morphing
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      "The
      whole
     
     
      damn
      movie
      is
     
     
      worth
      watching
     
    
   
   
    
     
      for."
     
    
   
   
    
     
      technique
      that
      reminds
      one
      of
      T2.
      The
      costumes
     
     
      and
      makeup
      are
      above
      reproach,
      from
      the
      Beast
     
     
      to
      the
      Slayers
      to
      the
      cyclops,
      who
      has
      one
     
     
      expressive
      eye.
     
    

    
     
      But
      all
      the
      special
      effects
      in
      the
      world
     
     
      can’t
      explain
      the
      movie’s
      sillier
      moments,
      like
     
     
      when
      a
      large
      group
      of
      Slayers
      attack
      the
      heroes
     
     
      Using
      laser
      beams...and
      the
      heroes
      fend
      them
     
     
      off
      using
      only
      axes
      and
      swords!
     
    

    
     
      Stuff
      to
      Watch
      For:
      Everything
      I
      men-
     
     
      tioned
      above,
      and
      more,
      like
      the
      realistic
      Crys-
     
     
      ‘al
      Spider.
      Even
      Robocop
      2
      can’t
      match
      it
      for
     
     
      teal-looking
      stop
      motion
      effects.
      The
      range
      of
     
     
      ‘xpressions
      used
      for
      the
      cyclops’
      one
      eye.
      The
     
     
      destruction
      of
      the
      Beast
      (which
      is
      really
      cheesy,
     
     
      but
      the
      subsequent
      collapse
      of
      his
      castle
      is
     
     
      hothing
      short
      of
      spectacular).
      Any
      scene
      with
     
     
      Ergo
      in
      it.
      The
      Slayers,
      who
      all
      look
      like
      Darth
     
     
      Vader.
      The
      castle
      interiors.
      The
      whole
      damn
     
     
      ovie
      is
      worth
      watching
      for.
     
    

    
     
      Judgement:
      Rent
      it
      and
      watch
      it
      once.
     
     
      '€
      cheesy
      acting
      and
      dumb
      plot
      combined
     
     
      th
      such
      stellar
      sets,
      music
      and
      effects
      create
     
     
      World
      that
      is
      charming,
      enticing,
      enjoyable
     
     
      (
      thoroughly
      engrossing,
      in
      a
      weird
      sort
      of
     
     
      “y.
      It
      even
      has
      a
      few
      surprises,
      like
      the
      fact
     
     
      Al,
      despite
      the
      title,
      there
      are
      no
      donuts
      in
      this
     
     
      °vie.
      But
      remember
      to
      watch
      it
      only
      once,
      as
     
     
      doesn’t
      stand
      up
      to
      repeated
      viewing.
      Rated
     
     
      ©13
      for
      its
      frightening
      scenes.
     
    

    
     
      Next
      Week:
      death
      and
      Cheetos
      in
      feudal
     
     
      —
      as
      I
      review
      the
      worst
      samurai
      movie
      ever,
     
    

    
     
      °gun
      Assassin.
      Sayonara!
      @
     
    
   
   
    
     
        
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
          
     
     
          
     
     
       
     
     
         
     
     
       
     
     
           
     
     
       
     
     
        
     
     
       
     
     
         
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
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