guy
      fill
      it
      out
      for
      you,
      and
      make
      cor-
     
     
      rections.
      Just
      make
      sure
      they
      know
     
     
      that
      you’re
      extremely
      happy
      to
      be
     
     
      back
      in
      Canada,
      and
      that
      it’s
      the
      best
     
     
      country
      in
      the
      world.
     
    

    
     
      So
      this
      form
      will
      be
      done
      as
     
     
      soon
      as
      you
      get
      off
      the
      plane
      and
      wait
     
     
      in
      a
      long
      line-up.
      You
      will
      only
      have
     
     
      your
      carry-on,
      and
      your
      noticeably
     
     
      over-filled
      duty
      free
      bag.
      Try
      to
      hide
     
     
      its
      fullness.
      Be
      nice.
      They’ll
      ask
      about
     
     
      cheese,
      meat,
      booze,
      and
      smokes.
      Just
     
     
      play
      it
      cool,
      and
      the
      guy
      will
      stamp
     
     
      your
      customs
      card
      and
      hand
      it
      back
      to
     
     
      you,
      and
      send
      you
      to
      pick
      up
      your
      lug-
     
     
      gage.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      You
      will
      only
      have
     
     
      your
      carry-on,
      and
     
     
      your
      noticeably
     
     
      over-filled
      duty
      free
     
     
      bag.
      Try
      to
      hide
     
     
      _its
      fullness.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Go
      pick
      up
      your
      luggage
      up
     
     
      from
      the
      conveyer
      belt,
      and
      by
      now
     
     
      you
      should
      have
      a
      full
      blown
      drunk
     
     
      hangover,
      caused
      by
      a
      change
      in
     
    
   
   
    
     
      atmospheric
      pressure
      and
      oxygen
      con-
     
     
      centration.
      You
      will
      be
      in
      extreme
     
     
      pain,
      and
      it
      will
      show.
      Drag
      your
      lug-
     
     
      gage,
      pant,
      sweat,
      drool,
      praise
     
     
      Canada,
      and
      be
      sure
      to
      show
      your
     
     
      extreme
      confusion.
      And
      claim
      your
     
     
      flight
      is
      in
      45
      minutes,
      and
      if
      you’re
     
     
      called
      on
      it,
      just
      say
      you
      have
      no
      fuck-
     
     
      ing
      idea
      what
      time
      zone
      you’re
      in.
      A
     
     
      drunk
      hangover
      is
      when
      you’re
      still
     
     
      loaded,
      but
      have
      a
      horrible
      hangover.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Place
      your
      luggage
     
     
      on
      the
      table,
      and
     
     
      they’ll
      ask
      you
      to
     
    

    
     
      open
      it.
      This
      is
     
     
      when
      you
      need
      to
     
     
      be
      scared.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Drag
      yourself
      to
      luggage
     
     
      search
      and
      fumble
      around
      for
      the
      sheet
     
     
      the
      customs
      agent
      gave
      you.
      Place
     
     
      your
      luggage
      on
      the
      table,
      and
      they’Il
     
     
      ask
      you
      to
      open
      it.
      This
      is
      when
      you
     
     
      need
      to
      be
      scared.
      But
      just
      stand
      there
     
     
      with
      a
      stupid
      blank
      look
      on
      your
      face.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      They
      have
      X-ray
      machines
      here,
      but
      I
      .
     
    
   
   
    
     
      didn’t
      see
      them
      in
      use.
      They
      have
      dogs
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Come
      Join
      Us
      at
      The
      Smuggler’s
      Jug
      Pub
      for...
     
    
   
   
    
     
      STEAK
      &
      STEIN
      MONDAYS
     
     
      T-Bone
      steak
      &
      stein
      for
      $8.99.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      TRAVELLERS’
      TUESDAYS
     
    
   
   
    
     
      |
      Complimentary
      finger
      foods.
     
     
      Come
      and
      meet
      other
      travellers!
     
    
   
   
    
     
      WING
      NIGHT
      WEDNESDAYS
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Just
      45¢
      per
      wing.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Confederation
      Inn
     
     
      &
      Suites
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Trans
      Canada
      Highway
     
     
      Charlottetown,
      PEI
     
     
      (902)
      892-2481
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      STUDENT
      NIGHT
     
     
      THURSDAYS
     
    

    
     
      Flat
      bread
      pizzas
      1/2
      price
     
     
      with
      student
      ID.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FANTASTIC
      FRIDAYS
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Join
      us
      at
      8:00pm
      for
      trivia
      with
     
     
      “Doc”.
      Great
      beverage
      and
     
     
      munchie
      specials
      —
      great
      prizes!
     
    
   
   
    
     
      See
      you
      at
      The
      Jug!
     
    
   
   
    
     
      there,
      too.
      The
      guy
      stuck
      his
      hand
     
     
      down
      the
      back
      of
      my
      suitcase
      until
      he
     
     
      hit
      the
      bottom,
      reached
      his
      hand
      for-
     
     
      ward
      a
      bit,
      and
      then
      gave
      a
      slight
      pull
     
     
      upward.
      He
      looked
      at
      what
      was
      writ-
     
     
      ten
      on
      my
      passport
      control
      card,
      and
     
     
      asked
      if
      I
      had
      150
      cigarettes.
      I
      said
     
     
      yes.
      He
      said
      “I
      guess
      you
      smoked
      a
     
     
      few,”
      and
      pointed
      me
      to
      the
      door.
      He
     
     
      didn’t
      check
      my
      carry-on
      or
      look
      in
     
     
      my
      duty
      free
      bag,
      which
      I
      had
      kept
      out
     
     
      of
      sight.
      Once
      you
      clear
      this
      you’re
     
     
      home
      free.
     
    

    
     
      I
      shocked
      myself
      with
      the
     
     
      obscene
      amount
      of
      contraband
      I
      got
     
     
      into
      Canada.
      I
      had
      packed
      with
      the
     
     
      intent
      of
      getting
      most
      of
      my
      stuff
     
     
      seized,
      yet
      that
      never
      occurred.
      Trying
     
     
      to
      smuggle
      is
      well
      worth
      the
      risk,
      and
     
    
   
   
    
     
      there
      is
      nothing
      better
      than
      walking
      _
     
    
   
   
    
     
      through
      customs
      with
      a
      bag
      full
      of
     
     
      stuff
      that
      isn’t
      supposed
      to
      get
     
     
      through.
      However,
      presently
      I’m
     
    
   
   
    
     
      struggling
      through
      litres
      and
      litres
      of
     
     
      sickening
      hard
      liquor
      and
      hundreds
     
     
      and
      hundreds
      of
      disgustingly
      strong
     
     
      cigars.
      The
      sad
      thing
      is,
      I
      know
      I
      could
     
     
      have
      gotten
      twice
      as
      much
      across.
     
     
      Next
      time.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Presently
      I’m
     
     
      struggling
      through
     
     
      litres
      and
      litres
      of
     
    

    
     
      sickening
      hard
     
     
      liquor
      and
      hundreds
     
     
      and
      hundreds
      of
     
     
      disgustingly
      strong
     
     
      cigars.
      The
      sad
     
     
      thing
      is,
      |
      know
      |
     
     
      could
      have
      gotten
     
     
      twice
      as
      much
     
     
      across.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      oO"
     
     
      PTS)
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      BROADEN
      YOUR
      MIND,
     
     
      Summer
      Language
      Bursary
      Program
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Interested
      in
      travelling
      and
      learning
      a
      second
      language?
     
     
      Apply
      for
      a
      bursary
      and
      enjoy
      a
      five-week
      intensive
      immersion
     
     
      course.
      Sessions
      are
      offered
      in
      the
      spring
      and
      summer
      at
     
     
      many
      educational
      institutions
      across
      Canada.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Official-Language
      Monitor
      Program
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Looking
      for
      work
      experience?
     
     
      Become
      an
      Official-language
      monitor.
      Work
      part-time
     
     
      while
      you
      are
      a
      postsecondary
      student
      or
      full-time
      in
     
     
      another
      part
      of
      Canada
      if
      you
      are
      a
      recent
      graduate.
     
     
      You
      will
      gain
      valuable
      work
      experience
      in
      the
      classroom
     
     
      and
      become
      a
      cultural
      ambassador.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      How
      to
      apply
     
     
      Apply
      on-line
      at
      www.cmec.ca/olp/,
      or
      call
      1-877-866-4242.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Ces
      renseignements
      sont
      également
      disponibles
      en
      frangais.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Conseil
      des
      ministres
      de
      Education
      (Canada)
     
     
      Council
      of
      Mnisters
      of
      Education,
      Canada
     
    
   
   
    
     
      EXPERIENCE
      CANADA
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Patrimoine
      Canadian
     
     
      canadien
      Heritage
     
    
   
   
    
     
      iv
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      15]