NEW
      DISCOVERIES
      IN
      MALE
      BIRTH
     
     
      CONTROL
      BREAKTHROUGHS
     
    
   
   
    
     
      An
      entirely
      new
      method
      of
      birth
      control
      has
      been
     
     
      discovered.
      Apparently
      atiny
      folded
      umbrella
      is
     
     
      inserted
      in
      the
      penis
      and
      opens
      automatically
      when
      it
     
     
      has
      reached
      the
      apex
      of
      the
      shaft.
      The
      underside
      of
     
     
      the
      umbrella
      contains
      a
      jelly
      like
      substance
      which
     
     
      causes
      the
      sperm
      to
      undergo
      a
      chemical
      change
      which
     
     
      renders
      the
      sperm
      incapable
      of
      fertilizing
      the
      egg:
      The
     
     
      umbrella
      can
      be
      inserted
      in
      the
      penis
      without
      an
     
     
      anesthetic,
      and
      with
      very
      little
      discomfort
      to
      the
      male.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      This
      means
      that
      it
      can
      be
      inserted
      in
      a
      matter
      of
     
     
      minutes
      in
      any
      soundproof
      doctor’s
      office.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Experiments
      were
      carried
      out
      on
      approximately
      one
     
     
      thousand
      goats,
      since
      their
      sexual
      equipment
      is
      ob-
     
     
      served
      as
      being
      the
      closet
      to
      man’s,
      proved
      that
      the
     
     
      sperm
      umbrella
      had
      been
      100%
      effective
      in
      preventing
     
     
      pregnancy
      and
      did
      not
      interfere
      with
      the
      female
      goats
     
     
      rutting
      pleasure.
      The
      umbrella
      was
      declared
      to
      be
     
     
      statistically
      safe
      for
      men.
      Statistics
      had
      further
      re-
     
     
      ported
      that
      out
      of
      every
      100
      goats
      only
      2
      died
      of
     
     
      intra-penis
      infection;
      20
      had
      experienced
      painful
     
     
      swelling;
      16
      had
      developed
      cancer
      of
      the
      testicles
      and
     
     
      13
      were
      too
      depressed
      to
      have
      an
      erection.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Early
      detection
      of
      testicle
      cancer
      is
      now
      possible
      and
     
     
      the
      removal
      of
      one
      or
      both
      testicles
      is
      now
      being
     
     
      considered
      as
      a
      simple
      operation
      and
      it
      has
      very
      little
     
     
      effect
      ona
      goat’s
      sexual
      prowess.
      One
      out
      of
      1000
     
     
      goats
      had
      to
      have
      a
      radical
      penisectomy,
      which
      is
      the
     
     
      removal
      of
      the
      penis
      and
      the
      testicles.
      This
      instance
     
     
      has
      been
      reported
      as
      being
      rare
      and
      has
      little
      statisti-
     
     
      cal
      importance.
      Other
      medical
      professions
      have
      agreed
     
     
      that
      the
      results
      of
      the
      umbrella
      has
      greatly
      outweighed
     
     
      the
      risk
      to
      individual
      men.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      A
      ten-year-old
      boy
      went
      to
      a
      drugstore
      with
      fifty
     
     
      cents
      to
      spend.
      He
      spent
      a
      lot
      of
      time
      looking
      and
     
     
      finally
      chose
      a
      box
      of
      Tampax.
      ‘‘Are
      you
      sure
      that’s
     
     
      what
      you
      want?’’
      the
      druggist
      asked.
      ‘‘
      You
      bet!’
      the
     
     
      boy
      said.
      *‘The
      box
      says
      that
      with
      these
      youcan
     
     
      swim,
      ride,
      or
      play
      tennis,
      and
      up
      to
      now
      I
      haven’t
     
     
      been
      able
      to
      do
      any
      of
      those
      things.’’
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Campus
      Women
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      HISTORY
      LESSONS
      NEEDED!
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
      Women’s
      movement
      os
      so
      confused
      with
      the
     
     
      stereotypes
      that
      how
      women
      are
      women
      supposed
      to
     
     
      know
      what
      it
      really
      is.
      The
      women’s
      movement
      is
      not
      ©
     
     
      discussed
      in
      school
      until
      you
      get
      to
      university
      you
     
     
      don’t
      hear
      anything
      about
      it.
      The
      women’s
      movement
     
     
      is
      completely
      erased
      from
      the
      history
      curriculum
     
     
      during
      the
      junior
      high
      and
      high
      school
      years.
      Univer-
     
     
      sity
      is
      the
      only
      opportunity
      to
      learn
      about
      feminism.
     
     
      Itis
      constantly
      a
      general
      stereotype
      that
      feminists
      are
     
     
      bitches,
      dykes,
      man-haters,
      murders
      (IF
      they
      are
      pro-
     
     
      choice)
      and
      anti-family.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Itis
      felt
      among
      some
      people
      on
      campus
      that
      we
     
     
      should
      leave
      feminist
      doctrine
      out
      of
      Women
      Studies
     
     
      (but
      itis
      okay
      to
      have
      sexist
      male
      teachers
      or
      profes-
     
     
      sors
      because
      we
      don’t
      need
      to
      be
      taught
      by
      female
     
     
      teachers.
      We
      should
      be
      able
      to
      feel
      comfortable
      with
     
     
      the
      male
      teaching
      staff
      of
      schools
      and
      universities
     
     
      sexist
      or
      not).
      I’m
      not
      saying
      all
      male
      teaching
      teach-
      ~
     
     
      ers
      are
      Sexist,
      but
      I
      have
      had
      some
      experiences
     
     
      through
      my
      school
      years.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      In
      the
      context
      used
      anyone
      can
      bea
      ‘‘bitch’’
      (but
      to
     
     
      deconstruct
      this
      really
      no
      person
      could
      be)
      and
      you
     
    
   
   
    
     
      _
      don’t
      have
      to
      bea
      feminist
      to
      be
      a
      ‘‘bitch’’.as
      forthe
     
     
      _
      man-haters,enough
      said.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      .feminist
      does
      not
      mean
     
     
      you
      have
      to
      be
      a
      lesbian
      (of
      course
      for
      serotype
      to
     
     
      work
      you
      have
      to
      believe
      that
      the
      feminists
      hate
      men
     
     
      than
      they
      are
      lesbians
      and
      lesbians
      hate
      men).
      Bull.
     
     
      This
      is
      not
      true.
      These
      ideas
      are
      put
      into
      the
      heads
      of
      ©
     
     
      young
      people
      and
      instills
      fear
      of
      feminists.
      ;
     
    
   
   
    
     
      We
      desperately
      need
      the
      women’s
      movement
      taught
      in
      ~
     
     
      junior
      high
      and
      high
      schools.
      To
      help
      rid
      of
      this
      fear
     
     
      of
      feminism.
      Women
      are
      part
      of
      the
      society
      too
      and
     
     
      always
      have
      been.
      I
      think
      it
      would
      be
      better
      for
     
     
      women
      to
      havea
      sense
      of
      history.
      To
      know
      that
      we
     
     
      have
      belonged
      fora
      long
      time.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      UPEI
      X-P
      RESS
     
    
   
   
    
     
      March
      12,
      1992
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Page
      6