Climber’s
      Clips,
      Smelly
      Socks,
      and
      Willie
      Johnson’s
      Invention
     
    
   
   
    
     
      (An
      excerpt
      from
      a
      story)
     
     
      By
      Matt
      Stewart
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Kevin
      examined
      the
      water
      rushing
      beneath
      him.
      The
      current
      was
     
     
      moving
      rather
      quickly
      and
      one
      million
      tiny
      bubbles
      highlighted
      the
      sur-
     
     
      face
      of
      the
      enormous,
      turbulent
      ocean.
      The
      tide
      was
      moving
      out.
      Or
     
     
      was
      it
      coming
      back
      in
      again?
      Kevin
      couldn't
      decide.
      This
      is
      not
      unusual.
     
     
      Kevin
      always
      has
      trouble
      making
      up
      his
      mind,
      which
      is
      exactly
      what
      Julia
     
     
      hates
      most
      about
      him.
     
    

    
     
      Julia
      is
      Kevin's
      girlfriend.
      Actually,
      Julia
      was
      Kevin's
      girlfriend.
     
     
      Hopefully
      the
      italics
      have
      made
      things
      relatively
      clear
      regarding
      Kevin
     
     
      and
      Julia's
      long
      and
      chaotic
      relationship.
      That
      is
      to
      say,
      it
      no
      longer
     
     
      exists.
      Julia
      had
      finally,
      after
      months
      of
      frustration,
      had
      enough
      of
     
     
      Kevin's
      constant
      indecision.
      Kevin's
      inability
      to
      make
      up
      his
      mind
     
     
      regarding
      even
      the
      simplest
      issues
      had
      finally
      driven
      Julia
      to
      leave
      him.
     
     
      The
      straw
      that
      broke
      the
      camel's
      back
      was
      an
      incident
      which
      occurred
     
     
      only
      days
      before
      we
      find
      Kevin
      staring
      at
      the
      rushing
      water
      beneath
      him,
     
     
      contemplating
      the
      movement
      of
      tides.
      The
      two
      had
      been
      involved
      in
      a
     
     
      heated
      phone
      conversation
      in
      which
      Kevin
      was
      having
      great
      difficulty
     
     
      deciding
      at
      what
      time
      he
      would
      meet
      Julia
      for
      dinner—
      5:15
      or
      5:30.
      True,
     
     
      it
      may
      not
      seem
      like
      an
      Earth-shattering
      decision,
      but
      for
      Kevin
      a
      careful
     
     
      examination
      of
      all
      the
      variables
      would
      be
      required
      before
      he
      could
      come
     
     
      to
      a
      verdict.
     
    

    
     
      "Where
      do
      you
      feel
      like
      eating?"
      asked
      Kevin.
     
    

    
     
      "I
      don't
      care,"
      replied
      Julia,
      already
      losing
      her
      temper.
     
    

    
     
      "Well,
      do
      you
      want
      to
      meet
      somewhere,
      or
      should
      I
      pick
      you
      up?"
     
    

    
     
      "It
      doesn't
      matter
      to
      me.”
     
    

    
     
      "Do
      you
      think
      we'll
      be
      having
      dessert?"
     
    

    
     
      "What?"
      ,
     
    

    
     
      "At
      the
      restaurant.
      Do
      you
      think
      we'll
      be
      having
      dessert?"
     
    

    
     
      "I
      don't
      know."
     
    

    
     
      "What
      will
      you
      be
      wearing?"
     
    

    
     
      "Kevin,
      how
      does
      that
      have
      anything
      to
      do
      with
      —"
     
    

    
     
      "Will
      you
      be
      sitting
      next
      to
      me,
      or
      across
      the
      table?"
     
    

    
     
      "Next
      to
      me,
      or
      across
      the
      table?"
     
    

    
     
      "I
      can't
      do
      this
      anymore."
     
    

    
     
      "Do
      you
      think
      I
      should
      order
      an
      appetizer?"
     
    

    
     
      "Stop
      it."
      :
     
    

    
     
      "Should
      I
      order
      soup
      or
      a
      salad?"
     
    

    
     
      "Stop
      it!"
     
    

    
     
      "Caesar
      or
      garden?"
     
    

    
     
      "Stop
      it!"
     
    

    
     
      "How
      much
      should
      I
      leave
      for
      a
      tip?"
     
    
   
   
    
     
      "How
      much?"
     
    
   
   
    
     
      [18]
     
    
   
   
    
     
      "Stop!!"
     
    

    
     
      "What
      did
      you
      say
      you'd
      be
      wearing?"
     
    

    
     
      "Ciao,
      Kevin!!"
     
    

    
     
      "Do
      you
      think
      —"
     
    

    
     
      Kevin
      was
      cut
      off
      by
      the
      sound
      of
      the
      phone
      hanging
      up
      on
      the
     
     
      other
      end.
      Actually,
      it
      was
      more
      like
      the
      sound
      of
      a
      phone
      being
      violently
     
     
      thrown
      across
      the
      room
      on
      the
      other
      end.
      While
      "ciao"
      may
      seem
      like
      an
     
     
      odd
      choice
      of
      words
      for
      someone
      so
      angry,
      Julia
      ends
      all
      of
      her
      phone
     
     
      conversations
      with
      the
      word
      "ciao",
      which
      is
      exactly
      what
      Bradley
      hates
     
     
      most
      about
      her.
     
    

    
     
      Bradley
      is
      Kevin's
      younger
      brother.
      He
      often
      finds
      himself
      taking
      _
     
     
      phone
      messages
      from
      Julia,
      for
      Kevin.
      In
      fact,
      it
      was
      Bradley
      who
      gave
     
     
      the
      message
      to
      Kevin
      that
      confirmed
      that
      Julia
      was
      no
      longer
      interested
      in
     
     
      dating
      him,
      only
      a
      few
      days
      after
      their
      original
      falling
      out
      on
      the
      phone.
     
    

    
     
      "You
      tell
      that
      no-good,
      what-will-you-be-wearing,
      what-should-I-
     
     
      order,
      Magic-Eightball-decision-making
      older
      brother
      of
      yours
      that
      I
     
     
      NEVER
      want
      to
      see
      him
      again!"
     
    

    
     
      "Are
      you
      sure
      you
      want
      me
      to
      tell
      him
      that?"
      asked
      Bradley.
     
    

    
     
      "Ciao,"
      was
      Julia's
      only
      response.
     
    

    
     
      Bradley
      lives
      in
      a
      small
      room
      that
      features
      one
      set
      of
      bunk-beds,
     
     
      one
      chair,
      one
      dresser,
      and
      one
      small
      window,
      in
      his
      parent's
      basement.
     
     
      Kevin
      also
      lives
      in
      a
      small
      room
      that
      features
      one
      set
      of
      bunk-beds,
      one
     
     
      chair,
      one
      dresser,
      and
      one
      small
      window,
      in
      his
      parent's
      basement.
      In
     
     
      fact,
      it
      could
      be
      said
      that
      Bradley
      and
      Kevin
      live
      in
      the
      same
      small
      room
     
     
      that
      features
      one
      set
      of
      bunk-beds,
      one
      chair,
      one
      dresser,
      and
      one
      small
     
     
      window,
      in
      their
      parent's
      basement.
      The
      room
      often
      smells
      of
      sweaty
     
     
      gym
      socks
      because
      Bradley
      spends
      a
      great
      deal
      of
      time
      working
      out
      at
      the
     
     
      Willie
      Johnson
      Memorial
      Health
      Spa
      and
      then
      fails
      to
      wash
      his
      soiled
     
     
      gym
      clothing,
      which
      is
      exactly
      what
      Emily
      hates
      most
      about
      him.
     
    

    
     
      Emily
      is
      one
      of
      Kevin's
      best
      friends.
      They
      met
      during
      their
      high-
     
     
      school
      days
      and
      after
      graduating
      three
      years
      ago
      their
      friendship
      has
     
     
      grown
      quite
      steadily.
      As
      a
      result,
      Emily
      has
      spent
      endless
      hours
      sitting
      in
     
     
      the
      smelly-sock
      filled
      room
      that
      Kevin
      and
      Bradley
      share.
      It
      was
      Emily
     
     
      who
      first
      introduced
      Kevin
      to
      Julia.
      Julia
      had
      spent
      a
      summer
      working
      at
     
     
      the
      small
      fruit
      stand
      that
      Emily
      operates
      at
      the
      local
      Farmer's
      Market.
     
    

    
     
      "She's
      perfect
      for
      you
      Kevin",
      Emily
      had
      said,
      "I'm
      sure
      you'll
     
     
      have
      no
      problem
      making
      up
      your
      mind
      about
      this
      one."
      :
     
    

    
     
      Emily's
      fruit
      stand
      does
      a
      reasonable
      amount
      of
      business
      and
      as
      a
     
     
      result
      Emily
      drives
      one
      of
      those
      expensive
      new
      cars
      that
      are
      supposed
      to
     
     
      appeal
      to
      the
      avid
      outdoorsman-types.
      Not
      because
      she
      is
      an
      avid
      out-
     
     
      doorsman-type,
      but
      because
      she
      just
      thinks
      that
      driving
      a
      car
      that
      makes
     
     
      her
      look
      like
      an
      avid
      outdoorsman-type
      is
      nifty.
      Emily
      keeps
      her
      car
      in