if
E
I
i
l
.
`\
-Verdlnt. f
Old hand (to new~t~ickot.ael.l9;- at
state lair): “Ever -been.on~.t,1`i_¢»w|¢|¢°; ts The
be£ore~lnacri.ish?" - » . 
you _ "N_ope`." ‘ goo
it on. _i"2Ԥu`zh-t not," _ 
_ . .. ._ u
“Y hy.a_o? ' , '
gn-_§'_‘:vl;_Y_° _°hl-1,180 3l_U»<a.ndit/loket_Q
“What is uie_ai;f 1-' ‘
‘Hundreds of ;d01ls`§;?°;iy boy. No _
one ever pssscsvlnmn go;-gat. pig
1-_- l (
Naminil the Quint.
_ “We've named Our' moi-or fboa/l;
True Love!"
"What's the i‘dea'l"
~ -rwsfs PM-.  .e »
A
_‘
the visitor
deed." He
the room.
he went on.
the melancholy
"°"» '°'°' tickets." " . ' up crane." by
Ople Read frowned. "Crepe," he
said. "Where do you see, any,
ci-a e‘I"
P
"(H:r ,ther_e,” said the vlsiton
- l
.P°._1_n fl
` 'l ' "Never ruins mnoorthll <1 i_' _ cm.'p°.b° d‘".‘n9d’" fam R°°‘d‘
‘ Ah  PTho'__VVtly of lt.
_e :.f' a, w a v‘ th _
i=°nui».'rf'=,  ga ° W” e dy'
 “°f~=°  s M
plrfloiai Attempt.
_  _ ‘fl see Englishxnen are
resuilflnffthe habit of we'arlng"wln‘|.
itei-».»,,., ;  ‘ _
Cyrlléusz ,,“Y_e_|- A- superticial al-
fg_yl_ys the ancient virility
'i _ It 'ler'i’t _His Fault.
' tml)-Iov%l:_l{_:__f‘)Z_`.dis_on says that we sleep
1>'g¥$gi,ll`° "‘yv_eil, it isnt his fault; he
£?a tPd enough things to keep
>_
sig
Plgreoe.
Crawford: " t',yo'u don't believe in
medicine. Why don't you try the iaith
c\lre?"_ ' _
Cro-blliawz “My boy, I find that
even' harder to swallow."
- The Love Cure.
"Her -parents ,sent her to Europe
in the hupdrthl-`l. she would get over
her ,infatuation for young Flubdub."
-"An=e_alle_r way would be for them
to let berlilsrry him."
.,..
__ Woraojfhan That. ’
You lntrlmate that he robs Peter
to__pay _I-‘au~l?"_ _
Deer men. in worse -than ami
He robs Peter to -pay Pauline."
AFTER HDI. _
Iym (as lie oders it chair)-Oh, af-
ter you, Mr. Siowlelgii.
concert) :
_ _  shall hear more of
over. one of
to his wife
his
'replied her hun
quarter." ~
,__...._ .
Neeeenriiy Healthy.
"Yea" said Mfr. Bllggins, 'imy wife,
had hay-fever as usual ths year,
and my dnughtor had brain-tug
from overstudy, and my son had
insomnia." ‘
"And wsBn’t there anything the
matter with you?"
“No. Theirs isn't any ailment that
you can cure .by going down-town
every day and workingon the books."
_ Squire! "Well, John. how did you
enjoy the conoertllast night? Weren't
» “Ju” 9,. 3.,,,._ the quartets goo`d?" ` _
 . .rii.="w.ii. , i,<i<i
K“l°\¢°f= "».'B“" Y°“ "'“¥‘* ““°°° U9' ° ifiigv: oi 1n§iea'n<$v'<:r?-“alder iilni 
' ' ‘ pens."
tml§o:mi'?'e'!I'tolliii;]kes no difference; I
it wor\grand !"' ,
“That isnt crepe. Theta the omce
towel." 1
A member ofparliament enliven-
ed aupolit-ical club luncheon recently
by' ling the story of a certain
famous politician who attended a.
banquet at which it was expected
important speeches would be made.
A dish of whitebait was set before
him arid, after looking at the llsh
and then at the other guests, he re-
marked:-
"Gentlemen, let us follow the ex-
ample of these little nsh»-drink a
Ereat deal and say nothing!"
The legislature of a western state
contains this year several women
members. At a recent banquet
they were invited to speak, but all
Wim Oneaccord be-gan to make excus-
0S.» and on -ct? the mon was asked to
represent them. 'He accepted, say.
ing that he was willing to act, so
far as- in him lay. but that his case
was similar to that of a' ,naughty
little sirl who was told that it she
didnt behave she would be shut up
in the ‘chicken-coop.” ' "
“You can shut me up in the
dllckeh-coop it you want io," re-
plied she. “but I,a|n't going 10 my
any eggs." '
A number of persons were ianong
.,,
1-.
I
"Zn
if
e 
._ _ _ ll'»;.¢_
< 4
` THE TEN-_\IILE “LlMlT."
"Grand Country you have here, shepherd."
"Oh aye, it.‘s no sae ba'/ll; but ye have tae walk ten miles for ii drapple o’
whusky."
` "\\'el1, why not get a barrel and keep it by you ?"
“Mon, mon, it will na. keep."
about telescopes. und_eiich'profes- _-_ __. _,_
sed to linve' i0<>'kc'~d`t_`hru"`._th_@ "largest
one in the world." One after an.
oihcir told of the powerful erfem of
the l”t%!pEctlve 'ts1_¢gcgpeg_ At |53( a
\lui_ci man said, mildiyz-
`l _once liulwd thru n telescope.
i dont know as it.wl1s the largest
in the world, I hope it wnsn't. But
lf b1`0UEht the moon so near that
we could soc _thc mnii gesticuiuting
in it wildly and crying out; ‘]_>0n'¢
shoot-don't shoot!" The old fool
thought it was rt big cannon that we
were pointing :it him."
An Irish priest haul labored hard
with one ui’ his flock to induce him
ii- give up the habit of drinking, but
the mon wus reluctant.
“I toll you, Michael," said the
“whisky is your worst enemy,
should keep as far away
ded
'er-
lls' in the
to love our
was, Michael," rejoined the
'fbut was I anywhere telling
Swallow 'em?"
'Sir Frank' Lockwood was on one
occasion conducting the defence of n.
Denson charged with cattle-stealing,
and was pressing a witness in cross-
examination to ascertain how far
he was away from the animals at
a certain time;
“How could you toil they were
bcasts'.{" ho aslmd. `
“Because I could sec 'c~m!"
“And how far off can you toil u
bezist'.”' _
\‘Vitness looked calmly :it Sir
Frank, and said. “Just about as far
as I nm from you!"
The toficlier .was addressing his
pupils on thu subjects of laziness
and ldleness. He drew it, terrible
picture ot the habitual loafer-the
man who ilisltkes \vork and who
hogs for :iii he gots.
"Now, John," said _the teacher to
a little boy who had been very in.-
cittentllc-during the lesson. John
wal instantly on the alert. “Teil
me," continued the teacher, "w.ho is
the miserable individual who gets
I |\0I’°» clothes, food, rind lodging, and yet
does nothing in n‘eturii‘."’
Joiin's face brightened.
"Please, sir," said lic, "the baby."
During a winter visii. to i~‘loridu
Andrew Cairnegle attended it service
in ii little negro church. When the
contribution-plate came around, Mr.
Carnegie dropped- ri ilvf-dollar bill
upon it. Aii't`er` tho con ents oi' the
plate had been counted, tho clergy-
man arose and nnnou_ri'cod:--
"Brethren and slate-r'e_n, the col-
lection this ever'iing'»s`oems to nguire
up six d`ol'lsi-a i1nd'forty-four centm-
iind if the live-duiliir bill contribut-
ed by tho gentleman itrom the north
iskgenuinei the repnirs on the
sanctuary will begin lmi‘m~<liiitely_
._...__. _
never hit snythlnir. anyway-" : ` . , _
' `  ._¢i\\l.H°v°f~'- H T:
' . `/i -i th ar '
::gvu¥:;i;§g!:%l30IiEiessnUn:c?l? nl. our
Hollow ‘ zpnrty, m-fir ii' are would
wap; MW ' the cellar stivlrs back-
wm-¢ uw, gnu looking over her left
shoulder. _nil W?;llg_ r:§‘_§__yf,“° 1””
°¥.lg\\:¢l&,.(%*:;]:he first of Deoembcri"
fi 1-inw.,li.;, sm down were wi-"
o  ____
Mind the Bu,n1Pl-
wny ot the trans-
he can gener»
tires." `
artists were tell-
thélr Woflf.
said one. “I
iI\,ll\'IIti1-
accuracy
the watiir.
b‘otftohi.l'
*'~§‘ta:¢i--
on iiie
of i c
\W°°l' A 'i».4iiv.i-vL noilrmyr. _ » -
~‘\iog)_m (ptr-qiiy): “Young msn. I wllilirm know just li'o\l"'sol`(oun are
win-`in¢s6lri»¢s`ww»ra my dangiiwi-1°' - 1, _ . _
' A nnneniass voice mawwhn a’ri¢u¢\!i= “Mja-anna! Muiimni Hen not
the mtg!" ~ `     '_' ' --Puck,
"A woman came into the hospital
the other day, und -sho was so crusa-
eyed that the leurs run down her
back."
“You couldn’t do anything for her,
could you?" '
"Yes," we treated her for _bzic~
tcria.”
Barber (illiiisliing the iathorlrig
at .t customer): "Yes, slr, theres
no c;\rclf.»ssn»;>ss uliowod by our cm-
piuyer. Ecvery time we cut it cus-
toiner's face it means o. line of a
shilling.”
Then he added, brandishing his
ruzor:--
"But today I ilon'i; cure n rap; I
backed ii wlnncr yesterday, and h-.ive
just drawn a sovereign."
Wilkie Btird tells a story of a
husband andwire who were always
quarreiiing. A friend called one
evening and found them in the
,middle ot _ii row. After the storm
had subsided alittle lie ventured to
remonstrate with the' husband.
“Look here." he said: "you
shouldn't quarrel like thot, you
know. Look at the clog and cut ly.
lug m¢I`@~ They get on very well
together.”
"Y°S» they may," `rcirn-ted me
husband; "but you tie them to.
80111013 Mid Hoc what happens then."
An Amorlciin caiicii upon lo return
th-.inks for the illstinfruislicd strung-
ers ui rt public dinner, said:
"This is qulti-i. iiziexiiirctull; in fact,
wlieii I camo into this room l fell
niuuli like llunlcl in the lions' den.
When l);mic.l got into that place and
iookeci round, lie lho;i,;';\; 1., hgmgcin
Wiioevc-r‘s got in do '.i~.-,- :‘i`<_ ~:~i1inner
Slloilklnx. it wnn’t be mei' "-:Detroit
Frou Press.
1"'-W1 "'1`l1H \_Vidov.' D:isli,\v.iiy‘:i
husband dliiift leave her iriuch when
he died, tiid hu?" _
Huy! "No, but hr- lofi. ii;-r |::'el.‘.y
often when he vvits uil\'e."~--The Club
Fellow.
Sothern, the actor, was once wriik-
ing in the Striincl with n friend on
the day of a royal ppeniiig of parlia-
ment when theyoverhcard ai man
Ivho had ‘been thrown out uf a pub-
ic-house, loudly ` addressing his
ejector.
"Another speech from thc ilirown,"
was Sothcrn's comment.
Old Woman: ‘"l‘hey‘re uwfui
iliings, these motor cars! They're
not sufe at ull."
Old `\ Miin: "No, therf-'s always
something goin' wrong with them."
Old Woman: “Which wou.i`d ye
rntiier bc in, ai collision or an ex-
illusion?"
- Old Mun: "l would for rathcr lie
in n collision."
Oirl Womiin: “For \vliy'."'
(lid llifinz (iimiiglilfiiiiy): "ile-
cnuse in xl collision there yo ure; but
in u.ii explosion. where :irc ye?"
L Reminzieil Him.
"A mzui never loses anything by
politeness," sfiid the (iid Finley.
"I_knnw n lot rf mon who nP\jr‘r
intend zo." atlflcrl the Groiich."-C..i-
:Inna-bl Enquirer.
Vlorae Luck. _ _
Mzizzinsz "What's the mailer wi..-\
Rrg];~li"'? l'-Io looks \\'rirrErti."
G\i‘\,'i;l:i'.~l: “Ho c.\n'l nionl his hills"
Mqgg'-1,4; "']‘<hai‘= n.'ithi‘.ig icuii".
dodge .n\iris\.,"_~f2;irZ::.','!lt‘iil iluinn._
lm”-jgrie; "3h;';i going to l\:~\-0 'nor
picture token iii hier transparent
ntirr." _
Mnggg; "Wh'~ iloesrit sho go 
-:nn nt chose X-ray i>ho‘-°zfnx>i\<-\‘e-
-Judge.
lvin the Prob om
'foachsfz "lfll cut'i~i lleefsteak in
iviro. and than the halves in two.
what 'do -I trot?"
Boy: "Qnarters. sir-"
'i‘vat‘h<-i-: "Cloodi And then
'.-_gninY"
Hoy: "Eigl'iil\s."
Teacher: "Ali rlghii And then
again?"
.lloy: "Sixlvc-nine."
'l‘ef\clicr: “Exaotiy! And then?"
lioy: "’\‘hii-ty-iv-condo."
Teacher: "And then?"
Roy ilinnatk-ni): “linsh!"
. Annu: "What .do you 'suppose
makes that baby Cry so awfully
loud?"
Grace: "Why, both of its parents
are liurd of lieitring, you know."
V
f'.t%
Ȣ_l|
Just s Hint. The rohof Hp neil.
They had scrambled thru the mit
dance on the program and he was
leading her~back to a. seat.
"I could die dancing. couldn't
you?" he asked.
"No," she replied. "There are
pleasanter ways than being tramp-
led to death."
The Ruling Passion. _
The great stock operator was un-
der the doctor. On the second day
of his illness his nurse took his tem-
perature and the iinancier asked her
what it showed- “lt's 9954." was the
reply. “When li. gets to 100 sell."
rejoined the patient
H0 SH°ne Onoe.
Thespis-“When were you I
leading man?" `
Foyer-“When the company had
to walk back from Chicago."
Even.
First Author--“'l`hit Carper is a
beastly sheet; it says you have put
a lot of trrisii in youi- recent nook of
poems."
Second Author-“Ycs, and it says
that you have put a lot of yourself
into your ro-cent novel."
How He Began.
The self-made millionaire was be-
ing lntcr\'lc\vod. and was told it was
uiidcI'si/Joii that he had begun life
us ai ni-\'.'sl.»ciy. `
"No," hc rcpiicd. "l began lite as
un infant."
N0ve:‘ Quit.
"In the iiiil days doctors used to
bleed piiiiciits for most uf the dis-
eases.”
“They still do, my boy; they still
du."
A Fixed Habit.
Smith---"1-las your son any fixed
habit that worries you us to his Iu-
'I' i
ture.
Joiies---"Yea He fights about ten
roniids every morning with the
alarm clock."
A Matter of Reach.
};m_-.n; "Thi: Hank of England
makes cnolrgli pilper money euch
yi;-nr in rcncl. :irolinil the world"
Egiierl: "'i`iiui'i~i queer- Very little
ui' it. roziulics ine."
v
A l
S
l
a-fat... ...- ._-
Billiaiu,  I’i‘oud Father: Lummei There 's pluck!
Ready for Practise.
Pi-nfeesoi--~"1f ri person in 5006
liuiitli, but who imagmcd h|m'5"|f
sick, should solid for Y0\-\» Whal-
wouid you ilri_‘?" __
Medical Siudeii_t- Give him
sometlfng to make hini sick. Mlfi
then nilminlster :ln antidote.
Professor-“Don't waste any m0¥`9
iiinc here; liani; out YOUY BhlflB\f=-"
» Sa Different-
GP,-n1('|; "The eiepiuint ls A D0'
cuiiur nniinal." _ _
Geraldine: “’l`ho,t'o S02 h9 hiisnf
iiny coilociion of hoici labcls on his
trunk."
The Effect of Moonlight.
it wits :it tho sezishoro und iiicy
were sitting.; on thc hcocii while the
moon slinric hcoiilifniiy on the
surging waves.
"What (ticct does full moon have
upon the iiclc?" she asked, looking
sweetly up into his fnce
"None-" lic replied. us he drew
closer io hc-r, "but it h»_is consider-
ulilo :effect upon the un-tied."
A Different Thing.
` (if randy wit ilii- Aruliblshop oi'
Ciiiit<‘r1iui~_v iii ii great o.\:urnll Lf. llc
Win-i going in with xt iiuxiilier ui' other
uit-\'gyii1c:i lu luiiclicoii lifter some
great or-clvsiuslicuii filnticn. wlicn nn
iiriciu-ni.-i vlignltiiry oliservcil. “Now
to put ri l.\ri<ilo on our appetites!"
Qiiigr-ii :is lightning the urchibshop
rriorted: "Soy, ri1thoi','iiow in put a
lil! lioiwt-rii nur ieLlh." `
Preeisiicn.
When n. spc.'ikrr`s figures :ire ter
-,n~f*r~is.~- nm lnclinc-s io doubt ihom
ilu is like ihn sugar planter in Hu-
w:.V '.‘.'i»-\. inking n friend io iiie edge
of ii \'|»i~_'fim», said: .
"'i`li:it <‘r:'.‘.er. George, is just 70,004
_voars old."
“Hut why llic four?" Grfrtr- or-l<~ri
"Oh, l‘\'o been herc four," was thc
rc-ply. "It was 70,000 \vhen_l came."
His Cho'co»
Tho puliiic school buy was being
vleltod hy his mother. “Weil my
il-_-or-" elio said io him, “what ian.
Klmgcs have you decided to lake up
hero?" I have decided io take up
I'!crisli." he replied. "Pict'ieh?"
sold his mother. "Why, I’lclish?"
Unix' five words of it remain."
iiald lic. ,
__ A Fleeting Shade.
DY J°"°~ I M11 sled to lee you
lookinz so say and festive!" asia Mr.
Olde Fr:-nd. "You were nil ln black
the inet time I snw you."
"Yes." domureiy replied Mrs.
Brown, who had just taken a second.
husband; “but it wasn't a fan
black."
A Dream That Failed.
Sho: “I dreamed last night thiit you
bought me a new hut for a. present."
Ho: "W':ll. that's the first dream
of n hat you ever had thot didn't
cost ine money."-Sydney Bulletin.
Hewitt: “Do you think long hair
makes a man look intclilectuo.i'."
Jewitt: “Not when his wife finds
lt on his cost; it makes him look
foolish."
w-- »<}§- ‘  new
rs. on I- o n: ' _
,,,,;_,,,,,,_,;__,,,,_,.»_.__  .Z 4#
rs. , own- : " ,
lo little of eofeh 01333." op  .“
DT( t . -`
___?<;;_tle (re¢;.dl°il§T_1t:'>"la‘i§{~JEor;;r_¢}4a);
‘oer.are ec _rr I "
Modern‘moXier:"'§o,  It
you were. I'd pawn you all and gp
abroed."' 1
Ao Usual. , ~_, '_ _
“Did _she tell-her axe?-" ',
' “Partly." ’ _ f
~'°°-'t'
Proforma Herod. _
Mrs. Ryan: "They do be afiher
Bliyln' ‘thlit Qld _mill Kelly has gut io-
comothor ata.xy." -
Mr. Ryan-:"‘Weii,' he's got the
money to run wan av thim if he
wa/nts ter; but fer- my per.-.i:t, 114)
rayther have a good horse anny day."
Poor Noah! ' '
Noah disembarked.
"Since my wife conducted 'the 'last
house-cleaning campaign, I can’t
even filnd the sa-me _mountains to lit
on," he complained.
A Professional Applaudar.
"Did you notice the palms ot that
young man's hands?" .
"Not particularly. Why?"
“They are calloused like an iron
workers” _
"That's easy to explain. He 60.0!
' f rowin in the summer, and ln
lots o g ' _ _
the winter he is usher ln a New York
tlieutre.”-Charles A. Leedy, in
Youngstown Telegram
"Don't you consider my views on
the question Bound?"
"Weil-yes; mostly sound.”
"I fear I have made a mistake.”
..Why._,..
"He proposed in a taxi-cab. The
minute I accepted he paid the 194'!
and we got out and walked!"
She:"‘But you mustn’t say you
love me. You must only think it."
He: "But I don't think it; I 0_l\\Y
say ll."
In the Sams Box.
Stern Parent: "Look here, Mr.
Bibhy! You have been calling on
my daughter regularly for iilx
months. l think it is about time
that l inquired :is to your intentions."
Young Bibby: "That's exactly what
I thinkl Either Mabel isn’t able tn
muster up the courage to ask me or
she 'has forgotten that it is nearly the
ond of leap yearl.“
Mary: “How pretty Ido. loolwl"
She has just put the hooks into old
Gotrox tor'two hundred -dollars at
\ir‘i<l;'.e." i
Alice: "Yes, she does look win-
sqmep ..._ ..._i;.-_.-_;.._. 
on board a -P. anno.: “W¢'re' SS1-
ting up a tug-oi!~w_ar. 'Married V°l'_|<
in single/ Y0u'll<.'i>ler-far 111° ml"-
.,.. .
'N521 Wmf .Y.‘.).`;riea_' ,I ions like min
In .
1' st iieph' seaslclt." 4 ~
,_,__1,_e¢ause ve JU _ __ _ _ _
H.
-‘Could you spare me e.`.coPPBl'. Ulf?
I'm trying to get back to mY Fld
mother. she ninrr seen; my few °f
ye'l"IrBb'ciieve you.  don't y0"'
wash it?"
b we Gammon!-
vvif;hfr¢':E'i7n§>"= "aries mei: sw-
...-.ttinn ht- sent her a lesul 11°C"-
men_t giving her control of their
chilr." ` ,_
Hnsonnri (with fl siKh)= Idwéfllf
I knew wlicre we collld E9* at ‘i of
ment that v\‘0llld EWG U5 CUl'|_f°
our child."
Suiter; "Your daughter, sir-well.
er- --lh¢il-- is--she told m_e to come to
' : l S Y'-‘U”'°“~
boflntgrze Eaiiite !o»-I understand.
Lot's see. are you Mr- Bronson or
Mr. Winans?"
Suiter: "Why- Pm M1" H°*°\1-
kiss."
1|

J
l"
\
__
-. He : We have had a terrible scrap. Q, '.I_'
“And I came out _nhelAi." .  `
“No. I did. You accepted my apoloq." _
_  "_¥’.f__‘ _ ,
" .
   WEEKLY FEATURE. siuiii' inn wnoiesoiie wii _lii\>_iiill\oii
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