Editorial
      (
      Sort
      of)
      —
     
    
   
   
    
     
      It’s
      midterm
      time!
      (At
      least
      for
      me,
      anyway)
      I
      could
     
     
      whine
      about
      all
      the
      reading,
      cramming,
      screaming,
     
     
      note-photocopying
      and
      late-night
      panicking
      I
      have
     
     
      to
      do,
      but
      what
      I’m
      really
      trying
      to
      say
      is
      *ahem*
     
     
      yes,
      I'm
      pushing
      aside
      this
      week’s
      editorial
      for
     
     
      academics.
      Excuses,
      excuses
      I
      know,
      but
      I
      think
     
     
      we’re
      all
      in
      the
      same
      boat.
      Instead,
      I’ve
      gone
     
     
      through
      some
      of
      my
      writings
      and
      dug
      up
      a
      piece
      for
     
     
      this
      week.
      I
      admit
      it
      doesn’t
      really
      discuss
      student-
     
     
      related
      topics,
      but
      I
      thought
      it
      might
      amuse
      you.
     
     
      Next
      week
      I
      shovid
      be
      back
      on
      track,
      (if
      I
      get
     
     
      through
      this
      week
      alive).
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Who
      Opens
      The
      Door?
     
    
   
   
    
     
      My
      friend,
      Jennifer,
      started
      going
      out
      with
      her
     
     
      boyfriend,
      Jeff,
      when
      we
      were
      all
      in
      high
      school.
     
     
      From
      the
      start,
      it
      was
      obvious
      that
      Jennifer
      and
     
     
      Jeff
      were
      going
      to
      be
      the
      "perfect"
      couple.
      Jeff
      is
     
     
      good-looking,
      intelligent,
      popular
      and
      always
      wears
     
     
      the
      right
      clothes,
      while
      Jennifer
      is
      pretty,
      never
      has
     
     
      a
      hair
      out
      of
      place
      and
      dresses
      like
      a
      fashion
      model.
     
     
      She
      sews
      most
      of
      her
      wardrobe
      by
      herself,
      bakes
     
     
      Jeffs
      favourite
      pies
      and
      adores
      children.
     
     
      Ambitiously,
      Jeff
      aspires
      to
      be
      a
      pilot,
      and
      most
     
     
      likely
      will
      succeed,
      as
      he
      has
      both
      brains
      and
      brawn
     
     
      to
      accomplish
      this
      dream.
      It
      is
      not
      difficult
      to
     
     
      visualize
      this
      couple
      in
      a
      few
      years’
      time
      with
      their
     
     
      children
      (whose
      names
      will
      begin
      with
      the
      letter
      "J"),
     
     
      dog,
      car
      and
      house.
      Being
      the
      planners
      they
      are,
      J.
     
     
      and
      J.
      have
      probably
      selected
      the
      typeface
      for
      their
     
     
      wedding
      invitations
      and
      the
      bathroom
      tiles
      for
      their
     
     
      summer
      home.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Jennifer’s
      feat
      of
      holding
      on
      to
      a
      boyfriend
      for
      such
     
     
      a
      long
      period
      (four
      years)
      is
      an
      accomplishment
      that
     
     
      deserves
      recognition
      in
      the
      eyes
      of
      one,
      such
      as
     
     
      myself,
      who
      fails
      to
      successfully
      "trap"
      a
      man
      for
     
     
      more
      than
      a
      few
      weeks
      at
      a
      time.
      So,
      I
      have
      more
     
     
      or
      less
      resigned
      myself
      to
      the
      fact
      that
      Jennifer
      is
     
     
      the
      ultimate
      authority
      on
      what
      the
      perfect
      girlfriend
     
     
      does
      and
      does
      not
      do.
      She
      also
      is
      qualified
      to
     
    
   
   
    
     
      educate
      one
      on
      how
      the
      proper
      gentleman
      should
      -
     
    
   
   
    
     
      behave,
      which
      brings
      me
      to
      the
      title
      of
      this
      article.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Whenever
      I
      start
      seeing
      a
      member
      of
      the
      opposite
     
     
      sex,
      Jennifer,
      being
      the
      good
      friend
      that
      she
      is,
      does
     
     
      a
      complete
      personality
      analysis
      of
      Mr.
      Idiot-because-
     
     
      he’s-dumb-enough-to-go-out-with-me,
      and.
      offers
     
     
      advice
      on
      how
      to
      handle
      my
      man.
      Well,
      at
      one
     
     
      point
      in
      time,
      just
      to
      confuse
      things,
      Mr.
      Idiot
     
     
      happened
      to
      go
      by
      the
      name
      of
      Jeff.
      One
      day,
     
     
      Jennifer
      asked
      me
      if
      MY
      Jeff
      opened
      doors
      for
      me.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      "What?"
      I
      stammered,
      not
      believing
      what
      she
      had
     
     
      just
      asked
      with
      utmost
      gravity.
      Jennifer
      proceeded
     
     
      to
      explain
      that
      a
      gentleman
      ALWAYS
      opens
      doors
     
     
      for
      his
      lady.
      It
      was
      difficult
      for
      me
      to
      suppress
      my
     
     
      giggles
      at
      her
      seriousness
      of
      what
      seemed
      to
      me
      to
     
     
      be
      a
      trivial
      matter.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Apparently,
      in
      the
      beginning
      of
      the
      "perfect"
     
     
      relationship,
      Jennifer
      would
      get
      very
      impatient
      with
     
     
      HER
      Jeff
      because
      on
      a
      very
      cold
      PEI
      winter
     
     
      evening,
      Jeff
      would
      unlock
      his
      car
      door,
      hop
      in,
     
     
      fasten
      seat
      belt,
      start
      up
      engine
      and
      clear
      windshield
     
     
      while
      Jennifer
      slowly
      came
      down
      with
      hypothermia,
     
     
      waiting
      to
      get
      into
      the
      car.
      Eventually,
      she
      confided
     
     
      in
      me,
      she
      was
      able
      to
      train
      her
      man
      to
      her
     
     
      satisfaction
      as
      far
      as
      door-opening
      (and
      unlocking)
     
     
      was
      concerned.
      Lately,
      she
      hasn’t
      been
      getting
     
     
      frostbite
      quite
      as
      often.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Now
      I
      am
      not
      a
      girl
      who
      is
      out
      to
      prove
      that
     
     
      chivalry
      is
      still
      alive.
      I
      have
      a
      strange
      habit
      of
     
     
      looking
      at
      my
      men
      for
      qualities
      such
      as
      sex
      appeal,
     
     
      intelligence,
      sex
      appeal,
      empathy,
      sex
      appeal,
      good
     
     
      disposition,
      sex
      appeal,
      et
      cetera.
      I
      never
      really
     
     
      thought
      to
      check
      whether
      or
      not
      my
      potential
     
     
      victims
      open
      doors
      for
      me.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      As
      it
      turned
      out,
      once
      Lady
      Perfect
      Girlfriend
     
     
      pointed
      it
      out
      to
      me,
      I
      did
      vaguely
      note
      the
      fact
     
     
      that
      MY
      Jeff
      did
      indeed
      open
      doors
      for
      me.
      |
      still
     
     
      don’t
      view
      this
      door-opening
      business
      as
      the
      centre
     
     
      of
      a
      relationship.
      I
      have
      to
      admit
      I’m
      a
      bit
      of
      a
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
      UPEI
      X-Press
     
    
   
   
    
     
      October
      18,
      1990
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Page
      3