Choice
      Cuts
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Reviews
      of
      Everything?
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Album:
      Beautiful
      Tomorrow
     
     
      Artist:
      Blue
      Six
     
     
      Label:
      Virgin
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Beautiful
      Tomorrow,
      has
      a
      lot
     
     
      going
      for
      it.
      It’s
      cool,
      laid
      back,
      with
     
     
      some
      of
      the
      slowest,
      sexiest
      beats
     
     
      you’d
      ever
      want
      to
      kick
      back
      and
      sip
     
     
      martinis
      to.
      I
      imagine
      if
      I
      lived
      in
      an
     
     
      ultra-chic
      Manhattan
      penthouse,
      this
     
     
      is
      the
      kind
      of
      music
      I
      would
      unwind
     
     
      to.
      I’ve
      always
      wanted
      to
      own
      an
     
     
      album
      like
      this,
      I
      just
      didn’t
      know
     
     
      where
      to
      find
      it.
     
    

    
     
      But
      it’s
      totally
      manufactured.
     
     
      Blue
      Six
      is
      not
      a
      band.
      It
      consists
     
     
      entirely
      of
      music-producer
      Jay
      Denes.
     
     
      This
      may
      explain
      why
      the
      album
     
     
      cover,
      liner
      notes,
      and
      the
      website
     
     
      consist
      entirely
      of
      cartoons.
      He
      does-
     
     
      n’t
      want
      you
      to
      know
      that
      these
      rich,
     
     
      sensual
      sounds
      are
      coming
      from
      some
     
     
      suit
      who
      probably
      began
      his
      career
      as
     
     
      a
      stockbroker.
      Blue
      Six
      is
      on
      the
      verge
     
     
      of
      misrepresentation,
      because
      it
      does
     
     
      sort
      of
      suggest
      that
      there
      are
      six
      peo-
     
     
      ple
      behind
      the
      project.
      Of
      course,
     
     
      Denes
      doesn’t
      sing
      on
      the
      album;
      he
     
     
      has
      a
      slew
      of
      guest
      vocalists
      for
      that
     
     
      (and
      they’re
      really
      good),
      and
      then
      a
     
     
      lot
      of
      tracks
      are
      purely
      instrumental.
     
    

    
     
      Anyway,
      if
      it
      doesn’t
      bother
     
     
      you
      that
      the
      album
      is
      a
      top-down
      exec-
     
     
      utive
      production,
      well
      then
      get
      it.
     
     
      Everyone
      should
      have
      at
      least
      one
     
     
      album
      like
      this
      in
      his
      or
      her
      album
      col-
     
     
      lection,
      just
      in
      case
      you
      ever
      decide
      to
     
    
   
   
    
     
      open
      an
      after-hours
      club.
     
     
      -Joel
      MEGGS
     
    
   
   
    
     
      North
      of
      America.
     
     
      Elements
      of
      an
      Incomplete
      Map.
     
     
      Matlock
      Records.
     
    

    
     
      This
      is
      one
      of
      NOA’s
      older
     
     
      releases,
      but
      still
      quite
      formidable,
     
     
      and
      it
      attests
      to
      the
      consistency
      with
     
     
      which
      they’ve
      been
      producing
      quality
     
     
      music
      for
      however
      many
      years.
      After
     
     
      becoming
      accustomed
      to
      the
      angrier
     
     
      math
      rock
      angle
      which
      they’ve
      been
     
     
      working
      on
      lately
      (as
      evidenced
      in
     
    
   
   
    
     
      their
      live
      shows
      and
      most
      recent
      CD,
     
    
   
   
    
     
      14)
     
    
   
   
    
     
      This
      is
      Dance
      Floor
      Numerology)
      it’s
     
     
      easy
      to
      forget
      that
      they
      are/were
      an
     
     
      indie
      rock
      band,
      but
      this
      album
      consti-
     
     
      tutes
      a
      pleasant
      reminder
      of
      that
      fact.
     
     
      Still
      discordant,
      and
      laden
      with
      poorly
     
     
      sung
      (when
      there
      is
      any
      attempt
      at
      all
     
     
      to
      sound
      like
      they’re
      singing)
      vocals,
     
     
      it’s
      fresh
      and
      catchy
      enough
      to
      remind
     
     
      one
      of
      high
      school
      but
      still
      pretentious
     
     
      enough
      to
      be
      useful
      to
      disaffected
      col-
     
     
      lege
      types.
      Do
      my
      reviews
      ever
      make
     
     
      any
      sense?
      I
      sure
      like
      this
      CD.
      Yep.
     
     
      Hey,
      anyone
      here
      ever
      get
      hit
      by
      a
      car?
     
    

    
     
      -Jonah
      CAMPBELL
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Album:
      Forever
     
     
      Artist:
      Cracker
     
     
      Label:
      Virgin
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Michael
      Jackson’s
      Invincible,
     
     
      Puff
      Daddy’s
      Forever,
      The
      Spice
     
     
      Girls’
      Forever.
      I
      hate
      that!
      You’re
     
     
      going
      to
      be
      around
      for
      a
      while,
      are
     
     
      you?
      Well
      prove
      it;
      don’t
      just
      tell
      me.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Suddenly,
      the
      titles
      of
      records
      are
      like
     
     
      the
      provocative
      taunts
      wrestlers
      spew
     
     
      at
      one
      another.
     
    

    
     
      I
      remember
      when
      Kerosene
     
     
      Hat
      came
      out,
      oh
      so
      many
      years
      ago.
     
     
      Cracker
      was
      one
      of
      those
      bands
      that
     
     
      was
      so
      unequivocally
      alternative
      and
     
     
      showed
      a
      lot
      of
      potential.
      The
      song
     
     
      Low
      did
      have
      real
      lasting
      power.
      It’s
      a
     
     
      campus
      radio
      classic.
      But
      here
      we
     
     
      have
      thirteen
      tracks
      from
      a
      band
      that
     
     
      has
      long
      since
      exhausted
      its
      song
      writ-
     
     
      ing
      powers.
      ;
     
    

    
     
      They
      mention
      monkeys
      a
      lot:
     
     
      “You
      are
      so
      beautiful,
      you
      should
      be
     
     
      guarded
      by
      monkeys.”
     
    

    
     
      And
      then
      on
      a
      completely
      dif-
     
     
      ferent
      song,
      “Brides
      of
      Neptune,
     
     
      guarded
      by
      monkeys.”
     
    

    
     
      I
      think
      that
      when
      you’re
      writ-
     
     
      ing
      lyrics
      this
      stupid,
      the
      hidden
      mes-
     
     
      sage
      is,
      ‘I
      have
      nothing
      to
      say,
      but
      we
     
     
      have
      this
      record
      contract,
      so
      here’s
     
     
      some
      lyrics
      about
      monkeys.”
      _
     
    
   
   
    
     
      eee
      rye,
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Cracker
      is
      hanging
      on
      to
      alt-
     
     
      rock
      for
      dear
      life,
      but
      as
      this
      album
     
     
      more
      than
      proves,
      it
      takes
      more
      than
     
     
      the
      alternative
      designation
      to
      sustain
      a
     
     
      band.
      The
      music
      is
      entirely
      uninterest-
     
     
      ing,
      and
      this
      draws
      the
      listener’s
      atten-
     
     
      tion
      to
      the
      lyrics,
      which
      are
      the
      sort
      of
     
     
      uninspiring
      phrases
      that
      are
      scrawled
     
     
      on
      a
      napkin
      five
      minutes
      prior
      to
     
     
      recording.
     
    

    
     
      Everything
      about
      this
      album
     
     
      screams
      boring.
      Except
      it’s
      not
      even
     
     
      screaming
      it;
      it’s
      just
      saying
      it
      in
      a
     
     
      monotone
      voice.
     
     
      -Joel
      MEGGS
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Album:
      The
      Complete
      Discography:
     
     
      1993-1996
     
    

    
     
      Artist:
      Shotmaker
     
    

    
     
      Label:
      Troubleman
      Unlimited
      Records
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Well,
      this
      sure
      is
      a
      lot
      of
     
     
      Shotmaker.
      When
      I
      first
      picked
      up
      this
     
     
      monstrous
      double
      CD
      (maybe
      not
     
     
      much
      for
      a
      discography,
      but
      when
     
     
      we’re
      talking
      about
      hardcore
      bands,
     
     
      over
      two
      hours
      of
      music
      can
      be
      a
      pret-
     
     
      ty
      big
      deal)
      I
      thought
      to
      myself
      “I
     
     
      mean,
      I
      like
      Shotmaker
      well
      enough,
     
     
      but
      there’s
      no
      way
      I
      can
      deal
      with
      two
     
     
      CDs
      worth
      ..
      .”
      As
      it
      turns
      out,
      I
      was
     
     
      wrong
      (well
      shut
      my
      mouth).
      Rather
     
     
      than
      getting
      incredibly
      sick
      of
      the
     
     
      abrasive,
      droning
      math
      rock
      sound
     
     
      which
      I
      had
      come
      to
      associate
      with
     
     
      this
      band,
      I
      developed
      a
      newfound
     
     
      appreciation
      for
      the
      underlying
      inten-
     
     
      sity
      and
      accomplished
      musicianship
     
     
      of
      this
      trio.
      They
      have
      the
      capacity
      to
     
     
      create
      a
      very
      impressive
      wall
      of
      sound
     
     
      without
      the
      luxury
      of
      a
      second
      guitar,
     
     
      which
      I
      would
      attribute
      to
      the
      promi
     
     
      nence
      of
      the
      bass
      throughout
      their
     
     
      songs.
      This
      is
      certainly
      something
      that
     
     
      you
      have
      to
      be
      in
      just
      the
      right
      mood
     
     
      for
      to
      get
      into,
      but
      once
      you’re
      in,
     
     
      you’re
      in.
      Driving
      yet
      hypnotic,
     
    
   
   
    
     
      urgent
      and
      eloquent,
      all
      I
      can
      say
      is
     
    
   
   
    
     
      it’s
      a
      damn
      shame
      these
      kids
      are
      n0
     
    
   
   
    
     
      longer
      with
      us.
     
     
      -Jonah
      CAMPBELL
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ea