AT DANGER 
     
     ‘ AVAL ANCHE 
     
     AREA 
     
    
   
   
    
     How to Make Love to a Dead Skunk 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     (an excerpt from ''vets R us'') 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     eee nee ee 
     
    
   
   
    
        
     
    
   
   
    
     or 
     
    
   
   
    
     rt 
     
     9 
     
     pier a aW 
     
    
   
   
    
     . 
     
     < Cc 
     
     ww 
     
    
   
   
    
     a =<. 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     yom WY 
     
    
   
   
    
     ty pa. 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     The next time you see a dead skunk lying by the side 
     
     of the road; don’t just drive past him show him you 
     
     care. 
     
    
   
   
    
     Of course, making love to askunk raises some difficult 
     
     questions. How do I get him interested? It is a well- 
     
     known fact that very few things will excite a dead 
     
     skunk. The trick is to not let him know you're 
     
     interested. Pretend you're just stopping for a leak. 
     
     Don’t be obvious, or the skunk will catch on and lose 
     
     interest altogether. Dead skunks are highly perceptive. 
     
    
   
   
    
     After coyly shaking off, walk slowly towards the car, 
     
     stopping in front of the skunk to “tie you shoelace”. 
     
    
   
   
    
     This is when you make your big move. Let your hand 
     
     wander over to the skunk, and tickle him behind the 
     
     left ear (see "Erogenous Zones of a Dead Skunk", 
     
     Volume 3, Chapter 8). If he doesn’t pull away, you 
     
     know you've got him hooked. 
     
    
   
   
    
     Now comes another tough question. What kind of 
     
     foreplay do dead skunks enjoy? The most important 
     
     thing to remember is: dead skunks are extremely 
     
     conservative. They don’t engage in "heavy petting" at 
     
     all. To decide on what techniques to use, you must 
     
     put yourself in the skunk’s position (most likely spread- 
     
     eagle). What do you think a dead skunk sees when he 
     
     sees you? Feet. That's right, feet. Dead skunks are 
     
     notorious foot fetishists. Take off your shoes and 
     
     socks. It can’t be worse than the smell of a dead skunk. 
     
    
   
   
    
     Wiggle your toes seductively in front of his nose. 
     
     Kick sand in his face. Not too roughly. Start with 
     
     short light strokes, and then build up gradually until 
     
     you can no longer see him. We guarantee that your 
     
     dead skunk will be so captivated, he won't look at 
     
     anything else. Now comes the most important question 
     
     of all. What if the dead skunk gets pregnant? In 1986; 
     
     unwed dead skunks were a major social problem. 
     
     Halfway houses from coast to coast were filled to the 
     
     brim with dead skunk orphans. The answer? Plan 
     
     ahead. Don’t give the dead skunk your real name. 
     
     You wouldn't believe how gullible dead skunks are. 
     
    
   
   
    
     However, if you happen to have some hang-up about 
     
     honesty, there are always dead skunk abortions. 
     
    
   
   
    
     We hope we have she me light on these dead skunk 
     
     questions that may have been nagging at you lately, 
     
     and we'll do our best to continue our informative 
     
     articles in future issues. (Next issue: "Oral sex with 
     
     your pet giraffe".) 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     Ses eee wee Cee Pua ee eee eww eT! 
     
    
   
   
    
     ‘Thursday, Oct 
     
    
   
   
    
     Oo 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     tee meg een me 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     + ne 0 gt re tinea sesh tade 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     an} a oe 
     
     ry 
     
     sone. 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     ber 19th, 198 
     
    
   
   
    
     —